posted on Feb, 28 2013 @ 10:53 PM
Oh yes,I know that feeling very well having felt it most my life too,I believe it's something felt by a lot of people at one time or
another.Obviously the cause of the feeling will vary from person to person but in my case I think nuch of it has to do with an unconcious feeling of
'well,is this it ?? there has to be more to life than the daily routine'.It's almost like an unacknowledged sense that life simply can't be
this,at times,rather mundane reality.Where's the magic we hear of in stories or the miracles in the bible.For a sceptic and someone who generally
believes you can take the physical reality of the universe and the natural world at face value I'm left with a feeling no matter how much sense that
outlook makes I'd kind of like a universe where magic,mystery and miracles where possible.
What's that got to do with the waiting feeling you may ask.Well,I just think there's a notion in the back of my head that there's a deeper truth to
life,the universe and everything (besides 42.lol) and one day it'll be revealed to me or i'll figure it out.Coupled with the fact my life's been
either a hard struggle,a viscious fight or a lurch from one disaster or crisis to the next and part of me feels one day things will just click into
place but they won't,it's just not the way it's meant to be !!
As for you turning 38,I turned 40 at the end of last year.Now birthdays have never bothered me one bit and age is a number.40 is just another number
and in itself it didn't really put me up or down but in the last 2 or 3 months before my birthday it kept popping into my head.Not in the 'Oh my
god,I'm old' sense but it occured to me that I've lived half or more of my life,the physically fit half too.It's the first time I became truly
aware of my own mortality and I was filled with the sense that every second is a second I won't get back ~ make them count !!
Had that going around my head,was telling myself 40's just a number it isn't necessarily downhill from here and also reviewing my life up until now
and where I was presently at.The overriding feeling was I could have done so much more with that first 40 years but now it's too late.Unsurprisingly
I couldn't give a f**k about work n meaningless crap like that the week of my birthday and the day itself was ok while I was busy but after work I
went by some friends,stayed 5 mins then sat in my car for hours feeling totally wretched.lol
Within a few days my natural optimism got back on top,I realised it's all relative and what I've done and what I should have done,bollocks it's too
damn late now.lol.I soon got past the stupid number and as for living half my alloted time I've walked away from 2 car crashes that should have
killed me,masybe the next time it will.Who knows,enjoy the present while it's hereto enjoy !!!
And that's the message I want to put across.All the time any of us are sitting,wondering,feeling like we're waiting for something we can't quite
fathom we're not doing what we should be doing which is appreciating life right now while we have it.Ok,the christians and reincarnationists have
their afterlife to enjoy so maybe it's not as critical for them but for us that believe this is our life (though I may well be wrong.lol) then enjoy
it,here and now n don't waste time waiting for something that probably isn't coming !!