The Waiting Game: Do You Feel It?

I to feel the sense of the calm before the storm. I haven't had the feeling all my life but I would call my previous state of duality is shedding like a snake's skin! Funny I akin my process similart to a snake....but that I am not. Maybe it is the wool being removed from eyes.

Moreover - the ages of the posters seem very intriguing. I just turned 41 and my sense of the dominos falling are closer to the domino. I have felt that way since 2007.

I too have felt like this my whole life. Looking to the skies, longing for something to happen. Even as a young girl I would look to bright beautifully shaped clouds and feel a strong presence within those clouds, then reading a couple years later in my teens that "Extra-terrestrials" like to cloak themselves in clouds. I know there is something out there, we have just been led so far down a negative path it's hard to get past all the illusions in every day life.

I have always felt so different in society and don't relate much with people my age with the going out to bars, partying, staying up late getting wasted on drugs or alcohol. I enjoy keeping to myself and a few close people like my life partner and family. There's a huge part of me that is attached to this system because it's all I know, I do watch TV, buy material items to feed my ego, and participate in having a job and making myself a living because that's what I've been taught. There's got to be so much more than eat, sleep, eat, work, pay bills. Born in a box, live in a box, learn in a box, work in a box, and die in a box. I'm sick of concrete jungles and being disconnected from what reality really is.

Originally posted by AceWombat04
reply to post by Res Ipsa

 

Well, one of the advantages of being an agnostic, open-minded skeptic, is that I am absolutely open to the possibility of having the sort of gnostic experience you describe. I believe it's possible for someone to have an experience that is not externally provable, but which for them absolutely transforms them and instills faith in them. Just because I've essentially lost my faith and am skeptical of faith, doesn't mean I'm not open to the possibility of such an experience, or that I will say you didn't have the experience you did. On the contrary, I believe you when you say you've had such an experience because I know people who have, and I have seen how it's changed their lives and consciousness. And it would be wonderful to discover that the essence of such an experience, should it happen, were simply what we term love.

All I can say is, it would be nice if I could experience such a thing. And I am open and receptive if it does. In the mean time, I must persist in doubt however. No matter how much I wish it were otherwise. I just don't know one way or another, and that is both a blessing and a curse for someone who longs for meaning and belief.

Peace.

Do you really think you are skeptical of faith? Everyone has faith and relies on it daily. When we drive on the roads we have faith that the on coming traffic is not going to swerve head on with us. You have faith that you are related to your family members, that the person that wrote up the birth certificate wasn't lying or made a mistake. Everything that you have not done or seen yourself is based on faith.
It is the degree of faith you have that determines your beliefs. I'm sure you have a strong faith that Washington was the 1st President, it is faith based, but to a very high degree since so many people and books have said so.

I still say we sound very similar on how we think, mostly separated by my experience. However, I still want more too. I sure would like to believe there is another life after this one. I am skeptical about that. I believe there is no way we are alone in the universe and I want ET to show up soon...but that still is about faith of course.

The skeptic in me has a problem with the "uniqueness" of my experience, it should be a more common occurrence. It also annoys me because what I have been explaining previously is exactly what turns me off with so many posts I read on ATS. I guess it is the "I believe what I know" and doubt everyone else's beliefs. I don't like being proselytized to or told how I can achieve enlightenment by a stranger on a conspiracy web site. I really do apologize to everyone out there like me if what I have posted sounds like that.

I believe you understand the Touchstone for everything you want to discover. Unconditional Love. It's purest form is a worthy quest. When some people sound like they are oversimplifying things when they say: the meaning of life is to love. I don't believe it is more complex than that. However it is easier to say than understand.
(neither one of us would be surprised how many people have such a basic or even twisted understanding of what love is, so that certainly makes the search for meaning even tougher for them)

You have come to your conclusions over years and years of thought and experience, me too, and we even came to the same conclusion. The experience I had is the only real difference. Take comfort that it didn't happen because I did anything, no trip to the desert or praying sun up to sun down. So it could happen at anytime for you or not.
I don't think it would change much for you, it would eliminate the need for faith in a higher power for you but it wouldn't tell you that there is a life after this or not. I would think both of us would like to know the answer to that. What you would get is the feeling of what real unconditional love feels like and really experience how connected we are to everyone.

You know love is the answer, but want proof. You have the ability to find that proof.

reply to post by CirqueDeTruth


Cirque and Cutler,

I wanted to post this because I think it is fascinating how much strangers can have in common. It is my response to Cutlers post a few pages back, it kinda blew me away for a moment. If anyone else shares many of these qualities, I'd love to hear more, please feel to U2U as I don't want to veer too far off topic.

***************

Star sign Sagittarius, ascendant cancer. Born in year of the rabbit...(I love rabbits)

I too have focused a great deal of effort and energy in keeping my emotions under wraps...yet I am a well of emotion that goes so deep. There are many reasons for this "suppression of feeling" but that is a whole other topic. 

My background, poor southern farmers on moms side; educated middle class, very southern on my dads side, with a Mexican grandmother from Cali thrown in to add a twist. 

Raised in a very small town in TN, moved overseas age 9, spent most of my life in Germany but also lived in other states as well. 

Dysfunctional upbringing, childhood trauma, but never popular. 

Bilingual in German. Studied French, Spanish and Latin. In the process of learning Russian and Welsh. I love foreign language. Strong interest in ballet, never had opportunity to pursue it. Love outdoor activities. 

Father raised Methodist, now agnostic...mother raised Protestant...now new age, brother is a roman catholic priest. Lots of religious debate in my family. I am close to god, but not religious in the typical sense.

Political philosophy: anarchism, tend toward the Christian variety; I do not encourage violence or armed revolution at all. If I vote, it's outside of party lines for which ever candidate I feel will do the best job. 

Educated mostly overseas through the DoDds school system for children of the military stationed overseas. I do not know my IQ but when I was in school I attended gifted classes. BA in English, concentration in early British lit, minor humanities, with an AA in German. Considering doing my MA, but still not sure. Don't consider myself very intelligent, or "special" just "different".

Married at 23, two kids, four pets. Husband enlisted soldier. Currently not working, pending a potential military move. When I do work it is usually random part time jobs at whatever military post we are at, I never settled into a "career." Most of my time has been spent raising my kids and handling domestic affairs while my husband does his thing in the military.

Health--no official mental health diagnosis, but PTSD, attachment disorder, BPD are all quite possible. Allergies, weight and smoking.

Family- divorced when I was 20. Mom a very good housewife, never remarried. dad a former GS now contractor, remarried. 

Ancestry-- moms side, French, Czech and Cherokee, dads side, very welsh, and Mexican. Possible traveler's blood on dads side, but we can't confirm it; god knows I have the soul of a gypsy though!

I share all your hobbies except violin, but if I was good at music violin would be my instrument hands down. 

No other vices but smoking and even smoking I stop at certain times. 

Not very many supernatural experiences, but the few I've had were eye openers for me. 

*************

I think it is so fascinating that I can share so much in common with a person I have never met, and I think many of us would find, it we took the time that there are those who we really do share a lot with, but until we communicate we just don't know and often feel that sense of isolation.

reply to post by smyleegrl


I know how you feel OP. My whole life seems ordered towards some endgame. For the longest time (dating back to high school I'm 28 now) I've had this feeling that I have a purpose as a vital cog in some unseen plan. At first I thought it was some crazy delusion of grandeur, but things kept happening in my life that would either keep me out of trouble with the law (can't be doing any change if you are behind bars) or send me down a path of learning so I have the tools to carry out this unknown task of mine. Many times in my life I also get the feeling that I am an outsider looking in at society. I have trouble understanding why the public thinks certain ways or is apathetic about key issues. I feel like I belong in a different society, one that isn't so materialistic.

I first started feeling this way around my senior year of high school. At the time I wasn't making the grades to get into a four year university despite taking many advanced, gt, and ap classes. This was due to a poor work ethic brought on by a dissatisfaction with standardized testing (so glad I'm not in high school now with even MORE of that nonsense). I had witnessed 9/11 only a year earlier (and I live in Baltimore, so imagine how I felt about the plane almost hitting the Pentagon) and had heard about the 2012 prophecy while in tenth grade. After graduating in 03 I end up screwing up with my parents and felt like the best course of action was to join the Army.

While in the military I almost ended up screwing up during training, but every time I was about to get into a lot of trouble, somehow I'd manage to get out of it or get a slap on the wrist. This continued through my enlistment. Eventually I was deployed to Iraq. But the craziness continued there. Of the platoons in my battery (company for non-field artillery folks), mine was hit only once and was the fewest of any of the other platoons. Eventually I blow out my knee and am even sent home 6 months before the rest of my unit is sent home.

Fast forward to post-ETS. All of a sudden ex-Pres Bush completely revamps the G.I. Bill and makes it retroactive for all current and ex-military back to 9/11/01. Now I can go to college without having to pay for a dime (or accrue any debt). Since I started school, life has gotten steadily harder and harder as I have had to keep tightening our belt to get by month to month, yet somehow I have managed to not be thrown onto the street or lose my car.

Originally I had thought that my purpose had to do with the Mayan prophecy, but luckily I found ATS (arguably another vital tool shown to me to help with this plan) and educated myself on it so that I wasn't concerned for it last year. However, this feeling I am describing still hasn't gone away and even now there are things happening that are preparing myself for it. Right now my chief theory is that it will be something dealing with the incoming economic collapse we will most likely experience within the next few years.

I dunno, maybe I'm nuts and just have some crazy delusion of grandeur and if shtf, I'm just going to be another casualty in the mass die-off that will also happen. Heck maybe I'm just really resourceful at staying out of trouble coupled with an above average intelligence to pursue the paths of knowledge.

I have the answer. You are all waiting to serve and please me.
There. Follow my lead and your lives will have meaning and society will be just and we will reach for the stars together.
But, of course, I feel the same sense of waiting... so.... now what?

I am waiting for destruction of the cabal 3;D

have been for thousands of years

what's a little while longer?

reply to post by smyleegrl


I feel it not for me but for the WORLD. I feel the WORLD is in a waiting game for something, only I am not sure what:

WW3?
depopulation?
Aliens?
NWO?

Yes any of those.

reply to post by ntech

You only get one life. Stop waiting!

Those who are waiting will continue to wait. And wait. But remember the world is not waiting for you.

Nothing is coming to save you from your wait.

The world is not going to change because you are waiting.

Get up and grow a pair. Go out and do something with your life.

reply to post by CirqueDeTruth


I'm so glad to find people who can identify and relate to my crazy, odd, and outright weird life! Being raised with half of a "Gypsy" family and half of a "Gaje" or "Gorger" family is truly a strange experience. "Country people" or outsiders, like my father's side of my family, do everything as American as apple pie...then, "gypsies" like my mother's side of the family do things in ways that completely shock outsiders...and that along with the constant Catholic vs. Southern Baptist battle that was waged in my home made for a whacked out experience growing up and lots of marital strife between my parents...and I turned out half Gypsified and half Americanized, half Catholic and half Baptist, LOL. What were the unusual circumstances of your birth? I love a good story. Same with my maternal grandmother's family...it was a "woman's" thing and they claimed I had the "gift" and was born with the veil, blah blah blah...I don't wanna go into all the witchy s***, all of which I'm sure you're aware of having Roma in your family.

I didn't expect to find others like me. It's really reassuring to know that I'm not a strange product of an uncommon life.

Thanks
Jennifer

Originally posted by samkent
You only get one life. Stop waiting!

Those who are waiting will continue to wait. And wait. But remember the world is not waiting for you.

Nothing is coming to save you from your wait.

The world is not going to change because you are waiting.

Get up and grow a pair. Go out and do something with your life.

My guessis you haven't read this whole thread. This is not about waiting for life, or happiness. We are living life, pursuing dreams and goals, making our lives worthwhile.

This feeling of waiting is something else.

Originally posted by smyleegrl
Have you discovered what you're waiting for?

You obviously have, and you didn't have to wait too long. 15 pages in 20 hours aint too shabby.

I can't speak for anyone else here because I can't honestly remember when I last had that feeling you're describing. If I ever had it at all. Maybe when I was younger. Most of the responses I've seen here so far center around the fact that people go about their lives everyday, they stay proactive about getting things done, yet there's something missing. Something left out somehow. I honestly can't see a connection between the two ; Getting things done yet remaining unsatisfied.

Again, speaking for myself here, if I do the same things a certain way all the time yet I feel like I'm "missing something", I'll change parts of what I do, how I do them or where I do them. They say that one definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. That, and I've never been the type of person who is going to wait for someone else to tell me what I should do or how I should do it. I'll figure it out on my own. I'll be a good little player and take advice, but I'll take it with a grain of salt with my meal of knowing what works best for me. I may have a major inferiority complex in regards to how other people view me, which is where my trust issues come in at, but I'm one of the most self-confident people in regards to how I view my own capabilities that you'll ever want to meet. And that confidence bleeds over into how capable I am in what I want to do. Or as they say in certain circles; I'm not conceited, I'm convinced.

It might be the combination of those two traits that allow me not to feel that there's something missing. Just over the horizon and out of my line of site. My being proactive about things and my self-assuredness that I do all I can to make positive things happen in my life leave me not really wanting more. If I do all I can for something or someone and nothing ends up coming out of it, it wasn't meant to be. If I'm not satisfied with that answer, which does happen from time to time when I feel that society in general gets in my way, I'll change my course of action to get the result I want. Or need. Knowing full well that sometimes the result you want, isn't necessarily what you need.

But I'm of the feeling that if you do everything you can the right way to get something done, something good will come your way. Whether it's what you initially had in mind or not. Some people call that karma. Some people would say that I'm running on the tracks of faith while I'm operating the train. All I know is that I do the best I can at what I do and at the end of the day I'm not really wanting for anything more simply because I did all I can for that day. Tomorrow's a new one and maybe the end result will happen then. Maybe not. I don't see that as being an unknown because I know that I'm doing all I can in the meantime. The only control issue I have is with myself. I wouldn't want the headache of trying to control others.

Speaking of which, I'm just now crowding out my cold with two different medications so I hope at least some of that made sense.

I have to admit though Smylee, I didn't see a topic like this, kind of a deep thinking one, coming from someone like you. Not that I see you as shallow, I don't, just........You surprise me sometimes.



This conversation has turned into a confessional of sorts for people. You really went and opened up a can of worms with this one.

reply to post by Newagekid2012


Amazing I too just turned 38, feel as though I am 18 (mentally and emotionally...except for some health problems). A good deal of my childhood I was over protected, hidden from life. Since that time I felt and still do as if something is waiting for me as I am for it. I too have no clue what it is and when it is coming. my email is [email protected] if you have any insight as to what it is. Since I have become an adult I have always been different, people treat me differently, perhaps I am in some way different maybe that is why I have this feeling as you do. Feel free to share insights with me.

reply to post by wytewingdove


Thats my kind of story too bro! Your certainly not alone just look at this thread
for proof.

reply to post by smyleegrl


I feel exactly the same way as you do...

I am starting to think the feeling I am having is because I am not doing what I am supposed to or not doing it enough. I think the waiting feeling we are all having is a get up off our arse and do something about what we see going on.

Are you ready to take the plunge???

I know I am not but I will be ready quickly if the right buttons are pushed.

reply to post by PMNOrlando


Hey! In my last post I used every available character, I have 4,812 left for this post for example. ( I ended up deleting most of it because I couldn't explain coherently.)

It was mostly me trying to explain in tangible terms how the week long unconditional love experience worked and what it was like. I went on and on about the crazy connection to people and how I felt like some famous Zen master because total strangers completely dispensed with the normal social moires and told me their issues and feelings. It was the coolest part of the week long experience but I gave up deleted and moved on, then I read your post and BOOM there it was....Stewardship! It was just one of the unintentional cool things of that week long experience, I was a stewardship magnet that week.



Yes, I highly recommend seeking people out seeing how you can help them, I think just listening with a full heart will help 99% of the people. nope, I don't do stewardship.....because I am lazy, not seeking meaning, self absorbed at the time and it would require great effort on my part to get myself in a mindset to actually be of any help to anyone but check out the irony in this now......

I would not argue with someone if they said that Anger is the static that keeps you from tuning in to KGOD fm radio....the more Anger the more static...

I am not going to say that I am providing you God's answer to a prayer. But this is how God communicated to me but on a much grander scale and frequency moment by moment that week. He talked through people.

So hypothetically speaking, if God were speaking to you through me, he would be saying you need to let go of anger. It sounds like from your post that you only have this holding you back, cool that you added it as only a foot note and that I noticed it probably only because I spent so much time on trying to unknowingly describe Stewardship....and in doing so totally demonstrated the interconnectiveness we all have and how if we are tuned in God is always broadcasting to us through each other....most cool.

Note: I went back to my last post....I must have deleted out the entire Anger section about how I thought it provided the most empirical evidence, "for me at least", that it was required to have my experience since it was so instant and complete and everything followed after that, not before. I deleted that section because I felt I was getting to preachy, but I notice that I kept the apology for that in the post. I guess I should have left it in there.

Originally posted by jcutler12888
It's really reassuring to know that I'm not a strange product of an uncommon life.

Thanks
Jennifer

Define normal. Check your PM.

reply to post by smyleegrl


I wrote my first reply when I had finished page one. I am now at the end of page 16 and completely overwhelmed by everyones reply. I want to thank you Smylee as I am going through some negative changes. Life is very difficult right now and many could say another test. I have been tested but these days getting tired due to pain and wondering how much worses it will get before the final release. Your post has uplifted me beyond words. Like many here I have been a loner most of my life.

Being a longer makes a good Ranger as most of us are (were). My Blood Type: A+ know this from painting it on my boots. I have been a sinner but in my heart working for the greater good. I have a code and most people I served with have their own personal code. That is a point that one will not cross. The question today will our soldiers fire on the people. I was picked among many from the 82 to be at the democratic convention in Florida. We had to take baton training to stop riots before they happened. We practiced and during rest periods we all talked. Many were gung ho who wanted to smash the hippies but pleased to say those I called friends whom I expected to have my "6" were all in believed that we could not squash the people. The inside joke was we rip our sleeves off and turn our fatigue shirts inside out and join the mob!

I hope our brave soldiers have the same consciousness. I am afraid my army was a mixture of volunteers and Draftees. We had a fantastic group of men with many talents. I served 6 years and saw the all volunteer army and realized without the draft the mixture of good men was lost as well as the talent.

I have witness many things and survived besides the service. The great floods of Marin when they closed the GG Bridge my roommate and I made it across the GG from Terra Linda. We could have lost our bikes in the flood water at any point. I flew back to America for business in '89 the night before the Big EarthQuake in San Francisco and in fact just crossed the GG Bridge. As I said in my last posting 911 I was flying from Heathrow to SFO to go to a VA medical for disabilities consideration. I did not make it as we flew in 3 days back to the UK after a massive search (3 hours). There was a time I had to go out twice in the service not worthy of talking except there were others who could have but did not. I went twice. I could not leave a fellow team mate.

I am not trying to blow a trumpet please believe me. I could go on and on and on the many times I have come close to death. Each time I felt as many of you feel. I am here for something else. This last year I have been feeling rather sorry for myself and have forgotten these things. Well not completely you know there are times when one has a bright spark of an idea. Well again thank you Smylee for reminding me and so many of you who have taken time from your busy day to say hey Smylee - you are not alone, as I can now see that I am not either.

Thank you!

Sorry for all of the "I"'s