If you would indulge me by explaining how your faith or skepticism or abandonment of other ideas came about, in your own words, I would
consider myself blessed indeed, enriched, and one tiny step closer to understanding.
Sorry to dig up an older thread, but this is something I have been meaning to put into words for some time. Now seemed appropriate to explore my
thoughts and share them.
I didn't grow up in a "church" household. I was raised by a single mother, we never went to church, but I grew up knowing of Jesus only thru the
usual Christmas and Easter holidays. We probably like a lot of people identified as christians, but I wouldn't say we where. My mother never shared
anything remotely religious with me, besides us watching those old movies about Jesus and the Old Testament come Christmas.
However, I just kind of grew up believing there was a God, there is one and that's that. Not much more thought ever went into it beyond that during
my youth and early adult life.
Another note, my mother exposed me to a lot of science fiction growing up. Old Twilight zone episodes, The Outer Limits, Star Trek, Star Gate, etc. I
saw a lot of it growing up on TV. (More poor brain ((in regards to tv viewing)))
Another note that I think is important, I never knew my father, and never had any male influences in my life for most of my youth.
At around age 21 I was working a great IT job when a new guy started who had this unique radiance about him. I'll call him Jack. Jack was a
christian, and not like some of the other boastful hypocrites I had meet along the way.
He introduced me to a book called Maximized Manhood, that turned my world upside down. It laid the framework for the ideology of biblical manhood.
Jack also invited me to his church, where for the first time, I had a male role model who just happened to preach on manhood the day I attended.
At this point in my life, I was struggling to understand who I was, what I was supposed to do with myself, etc. Peers and society kind of said I was
suppose to have nice things and bed lots of women and drink at my age.
The beding women was me, but the rest was never my heart.
Over time, I became a born again Christian, joined the non-demonational church and attended it for several years, from 2003-2009.
I'm going to say that at this point, I was the, "FEELING CHRISTIAN". I was a christian because it made me feel good. It did help me to realign a
number of things in my life, and I stopped being so wreck-less, became more stable as a person.
However, I'm going to say, I dont' think I truly owned what I was believing. Or that I understood why I believed what I believed.
In 2009 it came out that my Pastor had an affair, and this was heart wrenching for me. I realized that everyone is susceptible to do things counter to
their beliefs. But it felt like a major let down from someone I looked up too.
My church collapsed in on itself shortly after and I found myself without a church for 2 yrs. During that time I got married and moved to another
It was during this time that I started to question my faith and get serious about what I was believing and if my theology was correct.
In the new state my wife and I found a small church, that practiced reformed theology. Similar to the style of Mars Hill in Settale lead by Mark
This was good, for a period. The church encouraged me to really examine what it was I was believing, why I had these beliefs and started and inward
journey. Along with me examining and gaining a great understanding of theology.
The more I read, the more I studied, the more and more I found myself unable to reconcile some big problems within Christian theology and my own
It's hard because at first I got a really solid grasp on Christianity and the core of beliefs, probably better than most believers. But if you
continue down the theology path, and start to learn where these all came from, how they are collected and put together, and start to look at
additional evidence, it takes A LOT of faith to continue believing in a number of things.
The first to go was my belief in the literal interpretation of the bible and the second was my belief in it being infallible word of God, divinely
There is a huge problem here for me, in that if the bible is the inspired Word of God and one thing can be called into question, than the whole thing
can be called into question. At which point you might as well throw it in the dumpster.
This revelation began to happen last year in my life.
Last year, during a roadtrip late at night in the middle of nowhere Utah driving between Canyon Lands and Moab I came across Coast to Coast AM, and
some old ideas started to remerge in my mind.
I've come now to look at the bible in the way we look at most old texts. I believe there are some great truths within it. I also think there is more
than myth here, but that the whole picture isn't being seen either. In the same way we believe greek and roman myths may be based on small accounts
of truth, I think it's the same for the bible.
I've been unable to shake the idea of God. My faith and belief in Jesus Christ as the son of God is gone. But that belief in an underlaying greater
awe is still there.
A matter of fact, I feel like there is some awe inspiring greater force at work in the universe.
I have spent plenty of time looking at other religious and their beliefs. Right now I'm kind of in a transitionary period with my spirituality.
But, I feel more open to awe now than ever before.
All of that being sad, from time to time when I see people bashing "christians" I still get upset, because #1 most christians don't know what it is
they're believing in half the time to defend their own beliefs properly and #2 most people do their bashing based on a narrow understanding of
assumptions of the belief system.
That's all I can think of now.