posted on Feb, 19 2013 @ 03:28 PM
As happens every four-five years, my PTSD, anxiety, and depression ramp it up. It's been a while since I felt this low, I'd really hoped I
wouldn't be at this place again. Yet, here I am.
I have no energy to do anything. Fell asleep Friday at 6:30, slept completely through Saturday and most of Sunday. It was a good sleep, maybe my
body needed it.
But there are other troublesome signs. With all the crap at work, I've become numb to it. My shrink says its a coping mechanism, that the feelings
hurt to much so your body numbs you. I guess that could be it, work truly is hell right now.
My husband and I have been trying for more than four years to conceive again. The infertility treatments are coming to an end soon, just to much
money. At the same time, adoption is outrageously expensive. So I'm upset about that, too.
I feel like I'm simply treading water, waiting for something to happen. Either a boat comes along, or a shark, or I just can't swim anymore.
It's a feeling of waiting...everything's on hold....and the entire time my life is passing me by.
I'm doing what I know will help: exercise, vitamins, daily sunshine, etc. my doctor wants to up my medicine, but I said no. I plan to come
completely off the anxiety pills (which I only take if needed, and most days I don't). I'm learning some new calming techniques for when my anxiety
shoots up, but it takes time.
And today is my birthday....I was really hoping for some flowers. Didn't happen, but my husband can be clueless. Still love him, though.
Thanks for letting me whine and moan, ATS. Now I'm going to watch some videos of giggling babies and goofy animals.