Avoiding the "Friend Zone"

Another member posted a thread here about his experience with the Friendzone. Over the years, I've had to combat the friendzone several times. Here is what I have learned on avoiding it, through lots of heartbreak.

Sorry to the ladies out here, this will be from a guy's perspective.

Once you find that you have romantic feelings for a friend, there is really only on way that I've found to deal with it. If it's just a "crush" you'll eventually get over without much heartache, however when you love that person, you get that feeling in the chest whenever you see her, or even think about her, if that feeling is strong enough, then it won't just go away.

What to do: Just come out ant tell her. Tell her how you feel, if she says something along the lines of "but you're just a friend" or the worst "you're like my brother" or if she gets awkward and uncomfortable, then you need to make it clear that because of your feelings, that you should spend less time together, or completely apart for that matter. In this, you may have an "Ace in the hole", though, the chances are small, the Ace I speak of is the old axiom "absence makes the heart grow fonder". If you are close friends, and there is a time period of not being around each other, she may realize how she actually feels about you. If she doesn't, you will eventually get over your romantic feelings for her, and you can be friends again.

The last thing you want is to be in the friendzone, it will cause nothing but heartache for you. You will see her be treated by by several guys and think "why am I not good enough? I'd never do that."

In the end, she'll thank you for it.

You're using Han Solo as your avatar and you advise people to make heartfelt speeches and talk about love?

Han Solo would be ashamed.

A woman can make the decision to "friend zone" a guy in the first 30 seconds upon meeting. Make it count, dudes. If you don't impress initially, you're forever friended. No way out. Even if she ends up pity-sleeping with you, it'll just make things worse for both of you.

You need to ask yourself when socializing: Am I looking for a bedroom companion or a friend? If it's a bedroom companion you seek, act the part. Maybe one of those women will also be worthy of friendship and thus a relationship. Sexual attraction HAS to come first.

Brush em off, tables have a way of turning trust me.

"Friend-Zone" and developing feelings for a female friend over time are entirely separate concepts.

Generally, women categorize men under 2 possible labels: friend and lover. If you're a girl's friend, it is very hard to transition into her lover. It can also be very creepy. You shouldn't develop feelings for friends, especially if they are out of desperation. If you're motives are to sleep with a girl, do not try to become her friend initially. You put her in a difficult position and often end up destroying the relationship between the two of you.

Getting friend-zoned, then, is simply being categorized under the "friend" label, meaning the girl doesn't find you to be a sexual threat. Basically, it means that you're not conveying to her that you are interested in her sexually, and so she figures you want to be friends with her. Don't mislead her, and don't mislead yourself.

Originally posted by DestroyDestroyDestroy
Basically, it means that you're not conveying to her that you are interested in her sexually, and so she figures you want to be friends with her. Don't mislead her, and don't mislead yourself.

That was my point, actually, to be honest

reply to post by Dispo


I don't think avatar choice has any relation, lol.

reply to post by DaTroof


That's not true at all, women can change their mind just as fast as a man can.

reply to post by dave_welch


It was a joke about Han Solo being a manly man while you're giving unmanly advice.

like a brother..

those 3 words can ruin a guy.

hehe the bitch..

reply to post by Dispo


Yeah, I got that.

I understand your perspective, and am sorry for the heart ache you've experienced.

Now from a female perspective, I have found it very awkward and somewhat annoying to have a long time friend confess their feelings. I have had this happen countless times and all it has done was made me question their integrity over the entire period of friendship. Had their motives been that way all along?

Unless the person has given you REASON to think the feeling is mutual like some chemistry or flirtation even, then back off. Why ruin a perfectly good friendship? I often see women give mixed signals to their male companions and could very well understand why they would be confused and in no way is right.

Consider what you're losing. I'd say 90% of the scenarios i've seen relevant to yours end up not friends at all.

reply to post by RooskiZombi


So, you would rather they continue feeling as they do without addressing it at all so you don't feel uncomfortable? Seems a bit selfish, maybe I misunderstood you though.

I'm not saying there will be success, I'm saying that if you ever wish to end the cycle, that's the best way. There's no reason to put yourself through unneeded grief.

reply to post by dave_welch


Well, I could say that risking a friendship over misguided feelings is selfish.
What i'm saying is that your feelings aside, if a person has given you no hint or sign that they are interested, why make a move? To get the weight off your own shoulders by passing it along to the person of interest? The selfishness can go both ways here, but from personal experience, I am not friends with any of those people to this day.


I'm pretty sure with basic knowledge of body language and even verbal ques, you'd be able to figure out if a person potentially is interested in you, no?

reply to post by dave_welch


best way to avoid the friend zone. make a move on ur first date(doesn't have to lead to sex, could just be a kiss), and if you know this girl in a life situation(work, school, ect) get her on a date asap and make a move on that first date. the more you wait the further you fall into the friend zone. and once you get too deep its impossible to get out. trust me i met a pretty girl in 3rd grade and she became my friend and by the time i was old enough to realize i wanted her we were so deep in the friend zone there was no chance of getting out of it. should of made that move behind the hand ball courts when i had a chance lol.

reply to post by RooskiZombi


You are equating expressing your feelings with selfishness when it actually takes alot of courage to do so. Every interaction between a man and female friend is not love at first sight. A sexual attraction is not always enough to base a relationship on. It takes time to get to know people and perhaps after some time your male friend feels that all the cards are in place and now is the proper time to say something. No one is staying friends for years on end just for an unfulfilled sexual attraction. Most likely your friend thinks there could be something better on the horizon, so try not question their motives.

OP's advice is solid. Everyone should remember that the reason this world is such a mess is most everyone is scared to express their true feelings because of the repercussions, thus we stay committed to this fantasy land. Its called sinning by silence and life is too short.

Originally posted by RooskiZombi
I often see women give mixed signals to their male companions and could very well understand why they would be confused and in no way is right.

Which is why face to face communication is always the best. If a woman is confused to the point where mixed signals come in, you'll be able to tell. If given the choice to take stock in that versus second hand innuendo's, talking through other people to avoid the "awkwardness" of being up-front, I'll take the awkwardness any day of the week. It's the mature thing to do, it leaves no room for error and, me being the perfectionist I am, you can leave your innuendo's where you found them. They mean nothing to me. Innuendo's are for teenagers still learning how to play the game.

Friend zone.....something more.....those questions pale in comparison to how those situations are established in the first place. I'm with the OP here......communicate directly and honestly. I've dealt with sensitive women before, but never one who is so sensitive that she can't even do that. One even came to me in person. I made my intentions clear initially, it made her a little nervous because she wasn't used to that brand of honesty, but when she shook off her nerves, she came back and initiated another conversation based on our previous one. Things happened. And they happened because of the give and take. He desire ended up overriding her fear. A man can't do it all for pete's sake, and if that's what a woman expects I don't want her in my bed anyway. Think about why. It'll come to you. Forget your social rules and do what's right for YOU. True, this may have been a very long time ago and the "rules of engagement" as it were may have changed, but some things skip generations. The meat on the bone, if you will, is timeless. That meat being open, honest and direct communication between a man and a woman.

You also said something about the integrity of a man who confesses his feelings later in the friendship. I don't think that has as much to do with his integrity as it does with how socially awkward he is or not. Sounds like your male friends were lacking in the socializing department. Integrity is how a man treats a woman after he gets her IMO. I've never had a problem fessing up to how I feel about a woman and sometimes those feelings weren't, I don't know, noble I guess. So integrity doesn't have much to do with this part of it all I think.

A relationship is like a job ( Don't laugh, I'm serious) You can either stay in an entry level position, the friend zone, and complain about how restrictive it is, or you can explore all the options that one job/woman has to offer and step up your game. Subtleties wont get you to where you want to go. Making your intentions as clear as the light of day however, will. Trust me, it works..



Good Topic OP

The friendzone is a myth perpetuated by emo guys that lack
1.Guts
2. Brains
When I hear someone complaining about the friendzone it usually goes something like this
"I want this girl so bad *wha wha wha* but im stuck in the friend zone"

What they really mean is
"I got shot down with by this girl a long time ago, maybe if I keep hanging out with her she will just jump into bed with me out of nowhere"

or

"I have no courage-NONE and I have not even attempted to make any sort of move on this girl over the past 2 years. Im just soooooo afraid of rejection *takes a break to play some emo album*. But maybe this year things will go my way! I think im on the right track, I just finally convinced her I was not gay last week"

Sorry bros, if you are in the friend zone it is because you waited to long and now you don't have the balls to do anything about it.

reply to post by Superhans


i get what your saying, but there is a friend zone see my post above-

i have learned what it takes to be in of the friend zone, i was taught that lesson about the time i hit puberty.

any adult male that claims friend zone does have self esteem issues.

make it happen WE ONLY HAVE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF TIME IN THIS LIFE. right?