Stress - good or bad?

I don't know if this is a fitting forum, or site, even! No conspiracy, just wanting to discuss the subject and hear others' thoughts about it.

I am having to think about it lately because of a current work situation. I have mostly had jobs in which I worked alone in the past- usually with collegues next to me, but each one with independant tasks.
At this time I am doing stuff which requires me to work hand in hand with others some times. By nature or nurture, I just am not very good at team work. I have no repulsion to it and like others, I just find that much of the social games that go along with that don't come to me naturally or automatically. I'm somewhat of a social retard.

But I am a hard worker, and strive to be of support and a reliable team mate, even if I don't know how to gossip for forming secret alliances, or take part in subtle group conflicts. So people end up not loving me, nor hating me, which is just fine with me.

On the other hand, I always end up with others feeling overcome by the level of stress or pressure I live under.
Always decribed as typical of Capricorns like myself, I can be quite hard on myself, and push myself rather hard. I feel no need to expect as much of anyone else- I am never hard on anyone else.

The problem is that I am used to this level of pressure, and those near me pick up on it empathically. I do not let it effect my work, I don't let emotional distress lead my movements or choices, but I have a face and body which does not hide these emotional movements as they pass within me, and others feel them.

I feel things like stress (or sadness, or anger, or fatigue..) but it is not "what I am". I consider them temporary states I move through, and can pull out of them as fast as I pull in. But a couple people have let me know that they find this troubling. They don't find it as easy to move out with me- they pick up on my emotion and it doesn't leave them as quickly. It feels traumatizing. They don't understand why I put myself under so much pressure. It makes absolutely no sense to them, and they have trouble operating correctly under such pressure.

It really seems to me to be a question of habit though. On the other hand they seem to handle fine someone else comign along yelling and pushing them, and I can't work with that. I lose my capacity to think or control myself. I cannot have two masters, and if someone else takes the reins, they better be really precise with me, otherwise it is a mess. I'm kinda like a sensitive horse, that can high demands and pressure if it is very precise and disciplined- if it is unclear or mixed signlas, that emotional energy is no longer an asset.

That's the thing-
When these people ask me why I am so hard on myself, I say, this method works for me in the past! I have learned many disciplines this way, I have been successful with this. In the long run, it simply show to be the effective tactic. I am not a perfectionist, and I do get to a point of satisfaction with myself, but while learnign the bases of any activity or art, this harsh push seems necessary to get to the other side (where one becomes creative and the bases have been integrated and subconscious).

But that may not work for everyone, and I am seriously wondering if my own self -disciplining habits and contagious stress levels aren't a real obstacle to consider in whether or not to continue working with others!
At this time I need to make a decision on whether to continue, so I am struggling.

I guess I needed to write this out, and maybe get some feedback from objective voices ....maybe just some idea of how others feel about stress.....
Does it bother you to be working with someone like me? Are you able to eventually tune it out as "their thing", or does it become a constant irritant?
Are you someone like me, who tends to like pressure and has found a way to make that more comfortable for those around you?
-Or am I just condemned to catagorizing myself as someone who is autonomous at work and unable to work in a team???

reply to post by Bluesma
You sound very similar to me so much of this is familiar to me. Unfortunately this would undermine the value of any advice or support I could offer as it's clouded by subjective feelings. I'll plow on anyway...

In the past, I've had jobs where I'd be working independently and they were very enjoyable. Working alone is something that suits me and I'd work harder than most others because I just do. For the past 11 years I work in a professional environment and that means I have to work with colleagues as part what is meant to be a team. Like you, I remain independent and self-possessed; rarely swayed by the need for approval of others or trying to 'fit in' with them. At the same time, I'm a very strong team-player and play to my own standards that are higher than at least half of the other staff. I'm respected by some and ridiculed by others.

The stress aspect comes from others setting lower standards or just being people in the way they can be both friendly and two-faced in equal measure. In example, a close colleague would like my position and is very good at her job too. I can get along fine with her despite knowing full-well that she's trying to get my job by underhanded means. Such is life!

The reason I mention the above is to (hopefully) demonstrate a similar way of being to you and to show that you can be yourself in a 'team' environment regardless of the behaviour of others or what they want you to be. We're not 'automatons' in being completely immune to the stresses brought about by others, they can hurt, but the stress is something we probably enjoy more than most people. Personally, I think if I have to make allowances for others, they can damn well put up with me too! I'll change for colleagues I respect and the others aren't worth changing for.

Stress is what helped us survive and evolve, it triggers our fight or flight response. a certain amount of stress is necessary but to much can leave us feeling ill or unwell. I have learnt to recognise my own stress levels and use that energy constructively in my daily tasks. As I am currently halfway through a degree in psychotherapy i have learnt and worked with many people with stress, anxiety and anger problems (all connected) and there are many techniques and methods people can use to learn how to deal with it. It would be difficult and unethical to use a public forum to discover your triggers and responses are but I could find some online articles that you could read. Or feel free to u2u me and we can maybe discuss it in further detail.

reply to post by Bluesma


It is ok if you feel like you don't fit in.
Just be yourself with people or without people. If you are ok with you, you will fit everywhere you are.

reply to post by Kandinsky


It sounds like you are exactly the same in this respect! -And you bring to light a way of looking at it that might help me. Like you, I find it easy to just be indifferent to many of the undercurrents going on. People need to do that stuff, whatever.

But if I can be indifferent to those behaviors and let them be, then it seems fair to just ask them to do the same in my case! Everyone has things about them you might not like, and we learn to deal with it.

I wonder if us talking about it openly might help them do that. Because until yesterday, we hadn't. They see me sweating and having a few tears now and then, which for me is just a useful energy release.... so I don't speak of it or even self conscious of it- but they see it and find it upsetting. But if we can say something outloud about it, maybe that could defuse the "empathic contagion" effect?
I've noticed saying outloud what is going on sometimes helps others separate themselves from the emotion I am feeling.

Maybe I can make a joke at such moments- "don't panic guys, just dumping a little fuel to make myself lighter here!" or something! Make fun of myself.
I kind of don't like turning my attention to myself that way(being more self conscious) because it is in those moments I am very tightly focused on a task and don't want to distract my focus...

reply to post by misscurious


Well, I kind of feel like I am okay with my stress levels.... I may also have a perverse addiction to it.
Might be the hormones I am just used to, or the perception that long term effects of overcoming obstacles and challenges is very pleasant and I want badly to get to that other side of the mountain.

I just don't want to upset people around me who aren't used to such levels, and find it upsetting to even observe!
Like I also like loud heavy metal and punk rock ( nostalgic memories of my younger years ), but if I had it playing in the work place, it might be overwhelming to those not used to it. Emotional energy, even if silent, can have that same sort of effect on others, you know?

The question you guys spur me to ask then is- is it for me to turn down my stress level out of respect for others (or leave the room),
or should they learn to put up with my speed metal -type rythm???

reply to post by Bluesma
I generally take the route of 'never explain, never apologise' when it comes to colleagues I don't relate to very well. As long as the ones I like and respect know (roughly) what I'm thinking, I'm happy.

On the other hand, sometimes being open with practical strangers yields surprising results. As such, you might be rewarded for trying to speak with your colleagues. Your posts are frequently insightful and intelligent and if you can pull that off spontaneously you're likely to be fine.

Different strokes for different folks
Personally, I would have a mental breakdown if I was at a high pressure job. However I do think some pressure is good, otherwise how will you challenge yourself?

You don't seem to have too much stress, or at least you seem to have a really good outlook on the matter. As long as you have a healthy means to take the stress out at the end of the day, and it works for you, by all means. Just the fact that you can let those feelings go instead of lingering like most people, puts you ahead for sure. Jealous

Good. Without stress I would not get things done. I am pretty unproductive and ignore stress unless I get it in huge quantities. That is why I have to put myself in high pressure, high stress positions. Because when most people are about to go crazy with stress is when I first start to feel it...

I am both proud and cursed by my near-immunity to stress. I'm able to stay calm and productive in extremely stressful situations. However, when I'm not feeling the stress I'm largely lazy and unproductive.

I like hearing other peoples thoughts, we all kinda regard stress differently.
I also relate to what you said, WangTang- If I don't get the pressure up, I remain indifferent and inactive!
Maybe it is physical- I have very low blood pressure, always have, and since I am good at rationalizing and seeing all things as relative, so if I don't choose to focus hard on a goal, I just fall into ambivalence too easily.

But since I wrote this, my feelings have changed somewhat. I was all concerned about others and trying to be the best coworker I could be with them... but yesterday I found out that some of them are the biggest asshats!
I found out a few them actually have a long history of harrassing new employees in the cruelest ways, and even getting them quickly fired... by telling them to do thigns they shouldn't, framing them and stuff.

I guess they had tried some of it with me and I am so "out of tune" it didn't work with me and I didn't realize it was going on (I didn't follow their advice, jokes made to humiliate me I thought were just random accidents and didn't get upset, set ups I saw as messes or mistakes to quickly set right, and did...)

So I am a bit disgusted right now, thinking of all the poor people these jerks have screwed with and even caused to lose their employment, and am feeling MUCH less concerned about their comfort. I guess they'll just have to live with it, I am not going to make the effort and waste my energy.

Originally posted by Bluesma
I am having to think about it lately because of a current work situation.

I'm not sure if you are aware of this, but there is no such thing as "workplace stress" anymore. It's called "depression" now.

Don't believe me? Try going to a doctor and telling them you are stressed from work and see what they say and prescribe for you.

See, "stress" = employer liability.

"Depression" = unfortunate mental illness in employee.

"Medication" = stressed employee able to tolerate even more stress and be more productive without having to change conditions that cause stress.

Originally posted by NuclearPaul

Originally posted by Bluesma
I am having to think about it lately because of a current work situation.

I'm not sure if you are aware of this, but there is no such thing as "workplace stress" anymore. It's called "depression" now.

Don't believe me? Try going to a doctor and telling them you are stressed from work and see what they say and prescribe for you.

See, "stress" = employer liability.

"Depression" = unfortunate mental illness in employee.

"Medication" = stressed employee able to tolerate even more stress and be more productive without having to change conditions that cause stress.

I didn't know that, and totally believe you! In my case, I am in France, so things are a bit different. Employers have no protection here. Especially in jobs working for the state (as this one is). All the laws work in favor of the employees and they abuse it (IMO- I have a typical american work ethic). In my first few days, I noticed a common question posed was "Does your doctor give good sick days?" (rough translation, we don't even have words in our language which translate properly).
If I go to a doctor right now, and tell him I want to be put on paid leave for a year, he can put down depression or stress and the outcome is the same- I will get a year off with full pay. I actually know plenty of people on it right now, with no signs of stress OR depression! The employers are not allowed to challenge the claim either way.

Though medication is used here, it is considered useless if the source of the stress isn't removed from the picture.

This whole mentality, you see, is what I struggle with. These people have probably no experience with stress or pressure. It is considered bad in any and all forms.

I just had my son call me to tell me he is so fed up with it (he's a paramedic here) he is going to the US to live and work. Without meaning to, I transmitted my american work ethics to him and he has the same struggle with co-workers.
Both of us have employers that adore us. But your co-workers can make your life hell, and the laws make your employer powerless to help. A state employee CANNOT be fired, only moved to a different post.

Wow, what a coincidence. I was thinking about the something similar.

It seems that stress/anger is healthy. Stress/anger is breaking the conformity and expressing to others that you have your own preferences and nothing is wrong with that.

Anger is being seen as something negative when it is a NATURAL result of conflict between what you want and what is happening.

Getting rid of anger will be one of the steps toward the end of individuality.

It is one way to get everyone to agree.

Stress is good if you like being stressed.

Surely it is my mind which casuses stress bases on my thoughts. The problem is that sometimes my thoughts are incorrect, and sometime time changes circumstances so I thought we have today may not be viable tomorrow.

So the key is to control my brain and only think of a select range of thoughts, thoughts that do not have to do with circumstantial outcomes especially. The thoughts coming in should only be thoughts of learning, so it is like dettaching yourself from all external thoughts produced by the mind based on wants and karma.

For bombardment it is similar and still pyschological but less controlable. I do not have the answer to that but I am looking for it. It appears that the answer is similar to my thought approach mentioned above but having to do with energy. If you can think of the energy grid or a field surrounding ourselves coming from the inside, this energy changes and 'gets interfered with' by external circumstances usually people, so there needs to be a way to seperate the energy. That may be the literal controller of energy.

Long term stress and depression can lead to psoriasis on the back of the head (also by wearing caps).
A person can also get a bit mentally ill with strange ticks like Mysophobia (due to trauma's) etc...

I have both

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. ~Richard Carlson

I think some of us create an environment of stress just to get things done that we normally would put off=procrastination.