posted on Feb, 17 2013 @ 02:49 AM
I don't know if this is a fitting forum, or site, even! No conspiracy, just wanting to discuss the subject and hear others' thoughts about it.
I am having to think about it lately because of a current work situation. I have mostly had jobs in which I worked alone in the past- usually with
collegues next to me, but each one with independant tasks.
At this time I am doing stuff which requires me to work hand in hand with others some times. By nature or nurture, I just am not very good at team
work. I have no repulsion to it and like others, I just find that much of the social games that go along with that don't come to me naturally or
automatically. I'm somewhat of a social retard.
But I am a hard worker, and strive to be of support and a reliable team mate, even if I don't know how to gossip for forming secret alliances, or
take part in subtle group conflicts. So people end up not loving me, nor hating me, which is just fine with me.
On the other hand, I always end up with others feeling overcome by the level of stress or pressure I live under.
Always decribed as typical of Capricorns like myself, I can be quite hard on myself, and push myself rather hard. I feel no need to expect as much of
anyone else- I am never hard on anyone else.
The problem is that I am used to this level of pressure, and those near me pick up on it empathically. I do not let it effect my work, I don't let
emotional distress lead my movements or choices, but I have a face and body which does not hide these emotional movements as they pass within me, and
others feel them.
I feel things like stress (or sadness, or anger, or fatigue..) but it is not "what I am". I consider them temporary states I move through, and can
pull out of them as fast as I pull in. But a couple people have let me know that they find this troubling. They don't find it as easy to move out
with me- they pick up on my emotion and it doesn't leave them as quickly. It feels traumatizing. They don't understand why I put myself under so
much pressure. It makes absolutely no sense to them, and they have trouble operating correctly under such pressure.
It really seems to me to be a question of habit though. On the other hand they seem to handle fine someone else comign along yelling and pushing them,
and I can't work with that. I lose my capacity to think or control myself. I cannot have two masters, and if someone else takes the reins, they
better be really precise with me, otherwise it is a mess. I'm kinda like a sensitive horse, that can high demands and pressure if it is very precise
and disciplined- if it is unclear or mixed signlas, that emotional energy is no longer an asset.
That's the thing-
When these people ask me why I am so hard on myself, I say, this method works for me in the past! I have learned many disciplines this way, I have
been successful with this. In the long run, it simply show to be the effective tactic. I am not a perfectionist, and I do get to a point of
satisfaction with myself, but while learnign the bases of any activity or art, this harsh push seems necessary to get to the other side (where one
becomes creative and the bases have been integrated and subconscious).
But that may not work for everyone, and I am seriously wondering if my own self -disciplining habits and contagious stress levels aren't a real
obstacle to consider in whether or not to continue working with others!
At this time I need to make a decision on whether to continue, so I am struggling.
I guess I needed to write this out, and maybe get some feedback from objective voices ....maybe just some idea of how others feel about stress.....
Does it bother you to be working with someone like me? Are you able to eventually tune it out as "their thing", or does it become a constant
Are you someone like me, who tends to like pressure and has found a way to make that more comfortable for those around you?
-Or am I just condemned to catagorizing myself as someone who is autonomous at work and unable to work in a team???