reply to post by Darkphoenix77
I starred and flagged your post when I first read it long ago. I have read it several times, and had a couple of reactions to it, but could never
quite find the words to express my thoughts. I know you read my post, as you told me it is what prompted you to post your story. I run hot and cold at
times, wanting to delve into things, then other times, needing to distance myself out of fear, mental overload, or other reasons.
I decided after reading it again, and reading the post from Mamaj about her sons' experience, to revisit your link. I have the words now, finally, to
complete my thoughts. Took me long enough, eh?
First, like others, I have a lot empathy for your loss. I have lost past loves after breakups, and I can understand what you may have gone through. A
couple of them were long after the breakup, though, so the effects were not as yours. It was still painful, though. Once you love someone, you love
them, even if you realize you don't belong together anymore.
As to the rest of your post, let me offer some comments, and advice, for what that is worth.
Knowing what I have experienced, and the length of time it has been, what I can offer you is this. When we miss someone, we have a vulnerability. I
think, in my heart of hearts, this vulnerability can open us up to exploitation. What I mean by this is, you are wanting so deeply for that sign, or
contact, or anything, some way of knowing a sense of forgiveness or whatever it was you had leftover. In doing so, you have open doors.
With these open doors, if you think it is possible that a loved one can contact you, what is to prevent any other being, entity, spirit, or whatever
you may want to call, it, from being able to contact you, as well?
In our hour of need, we let our defenses down, and in our desire for that moment, we may allow the wrong contact to happen. This is the vulnerability
that I speak of.
I think you handled it exactly as you should have. Your mind, spirit, and heart knew the difference, knew it wasn't right, and knew to block it.
This is, of course, just my opinion, and you know what they say about opinions. I came offering this after a lot of consideration, and only as an
I think sometimes we want something so much, that in doing so, we take unnecessary risks. Keep that in mind should anything else like this ever
happen. In the meantime, let me relay a little story.
I was at work one night, sitting outside at a picnic table. There was an exterior light, and I was able to read by it. The weather was beautiful, so I
took advantage, and made my post outside. I was doing security at the time, as well as a bodyguard for the sole employee in the building.
As I was reading, the last thing on my mind was my father, who had recently passed away, just a few months prior. I felt something behind me, and then
felt a hand on my shoulder, and a light kiss on my cheek. I even *heard* the smooch sound in my ear. I gasped and turned suddenly, I knew it was my
dad, and expected to see someone there. There, of course, was no one.
I wasn't frightened as much as I was shocked, but, I was also calm, happy, and I felt an overwhelming sensation of love.
At the same time, I felt vulnerable, out in the open, targettable. It's hard to explain, but now that I am able to find the words, I guess what I am
saying is, if he could make that contact, so could "someone else".
I quickly gathered up my things and went inside. I don't know why I felt going inside would make a difference, obviously, if they can make contact,
they can likely do it anywhere, but, I simply felt safer indoors.
The other point is, it didn't *feel* bad. It felt nice, comforting, loving, soothing. The surprise came from the suddenness, unexpectedness, and the
fact he wasn't consciously on my mind at that time.
Was it him? In my heart of hearts, I think so. I have never doubted it. What I did question was that vulnerability that I am speaking of.
Don't despair in the loss of your friend. I do believe if there were any issues that you had before she passed, you know this in your heart of
hearts. You are the only one, along with her, that knows. If there was an issue, then ask for her forgiveness, and most of all, forvive yourself.
Above all else, when something doesn't feel good, or feel right, you will know. Never second guess that instict, or question that what you did was
the right thing. It should not scare you, or feel evil, or possessive, or frightening.
Surprising, sure. Bad or evil, no.
I'm sorry it took so long to reply, but, like I said, I had to have the words that felt right to get across what I felt I needed to say, and
sometimes, that takes time. I hope this all makes sense, and that you understand what I am trying to say. It means a lot to me that you do.
I hope you are well.