I dumped my boyfriend last night.

Originally posted by miss_sky

well monday night he pulled the same thing....he called, i did ALL the talking while he sat there and breathed and then said he had to go. so i brought it to his attention AGAIN, for a long distance relationship to work there has to be alot of communication in between the times of seeing each other. well he swore up and down things would change and begged for another chance. so the next day i was happy hoping to see things change. well i barely got any texts, i called him once during the day, and again I did all the talking and then he said he had to go. later on that night, no phone call as he promised.

I saw this on "A Tale of Two Brains" a video on the differences between men and women's brains. Men's brains are made up of boxes. Each box is a separate compartment, completely isolated from other boxes. Men have a food box, sports box, sex box, money box... and don't forget the most treasured of all, the nothing box!

Women's brains are made up of a hot coil of interconnected wires. All of the wires in a woman's brain are connected, so when a woman starts talking about something she starts talking about everything that relates to that one thing she started talking about. When the electricity is flowing through a woman's brain and she gets going talking, all a man can do is run like hell because he can't be in two boxes at once. It is at this point that a man retreats to his nothing box.

I bring this up because I recently had a similar experience.

Anyway the issue I have with your story is: he called, and you did all the talking. Is it possible that there was something specific he wanted to say but you kept steering the conversation everywhere and he could never find the opportunity to say that one thing that was really on his mind (I only bring this up because this is what happened to me >.

reply to post by miss_sky


"so for months on end every visit was in bed the WHOLE time while he either slept or we would rent movies."


wouldnt leave me wanting more thats for sure, if im going to talk up a storm all day long and have a long distance relationship, there had better be a hell of a lot more going on then sleeping, thats for sure. and im pretty sure if someone was tickling me in the right places, i wouldnt be sleeping. 8o)

reply to post by miss_sky


Go with your gut feeling if too many excuses are made you can be sure he cheating...
think of what you would do would you do what he did...i highly doubt it.

You did well in dumping him.. move on..

Ive never cheated on any woman ever why? because i make sure first and don't rush in i make sure
they are the thing i want before making that step .

There has to be chemistry.He obviously didn't care enough and you are best off without him.
You made your step he never sounds like a lazy twat anyway.

reply to post by bladerunner44


since when did you become so rude? this is a relationship forum, and i wanted to vent about things. wasnt trying to brag on the inyetrnet,

oh and to the person who said i was probably bragging about it all on facebook....WRONG. dont even have a facebook account.

reply to post by ~widowmaker~



when i said stayed in bed the whole time i meant in bed for the whole 3 days we visited. alot of sex was involved, but the constantly just staying in bed got to me i also wanted to go out and do things.

I apologize ahead of time for my long post. I am terrible and brevity sometimes because I have too much to say about things and am not good with summing up my thoughts into 2 sentences like so many other people can... heh.. This isn't twitter anyways it's a forum *shrugs*

Anyways,

Everything in moderation: is what I've learned over the years as advice for you.

It can be really hard at times (or almost all the time) to give space and time away from someone you're really into and want to be around a lot.
Fact is It ruins relationships, and you probably are feeling like you can hardly help but to be at fault for being around too much. You don't want to be clingy and suffocate them (blah blah). Sometimes they will start lying about what they are doing or where they've been when you ask and might start becoming distant or deceiving with what is going on in their lives, as what sounds like what probably happened in your case. It's common, it's happened to many good women (lol) Don't beat yourself up over it, you were just really into him and he backed out of it all to go his own way for whatever underlining reasons that also may have played a part other than you being around him often.... anyways, you'll learn for next time to have more self control (don't text so much or contact them in any way often) and to give more space (give them days sometimes!! I know it's hard...)

And aside from that, I hate to tell you, and although I may be wrong, is that 2 other things may have been going on aside from that you may have been just annoying him (sorry for being insensitive)

a) He simply lost interest in you. He ran out of things to talk about and no longer was interested in what you have to say. The spark of curiosity and adventure that you get when first becoming interested in and seeing someone burnt out for him and he decided to move on.

b) He's depressed and has lost his optimism, spunk, and energy for life in general. So this might be his problem not because of you.. This happens to many at certain points in life. People can randomly close off socially for some time and become a spectator in the world instead of an active participant.

And eh, I'm gonna to try my hardest to take my own advice next time a new guy shows up in my life (whenever that might be, hopefully soon) Anywho, time will make stuff better learn from your mistakes yadda yadda and try again later with different behavior.

Thank you for your story - some people are just generally becoming not so nice in this world either, try to keep your head up and carry on!


83

Originally posted by Tardacus

lol, I hope you remember this quote:

If he really is that sick and that tired all the time then you are better off without him, you don`t want to spend the rest of your life with someone who is so unhealthy that they can`t hardly even get out of bed.

when you find someone to marry if you get sick , god forbid friend, your partners friends will be saying something similar to her!

Oh one more thing I wanted to say too, is that if you decide that you want to contact him again:


If he is going through depression (sleeping a lot, uninterested in conversation, shunning, being distant or closed off, "not feeling good" - all signs of possible depression) you should definitely give him a few weeks before you try to approach him again (approach differently too). Sometimes it takes a while to come out of depression.. You might get the same behavior again from him if you try to contact him again too soon.

reply to post by miss_sky


Without physical contact between two lovers, a physical/spiritual/mental connection can not occur, Which always leads to one side detracting from the relationship. While the other questions Love. Only to learn from mistakes and fall in Love again, with a giant pile of energy and rotating atoms. This is the motion of life, which cannot be transmitted through sound, nor text. Just the fact that you can't look into his eyes, or smell the BO under his pits, makes it hard to get the gist of what is really going on, and what both really want.

reply to post by Bicent76


Its obvious I didn't love the guy cause I'm simply telling my story to vent and get opinions? I put my heart and soul into this relationship, and I see nothing wrong with venting about your problems in life. As a matter of fact sometimes venting on a forum where you don't know anyone is betree. If anyone needs to Adult its you.

reply to post by Gazrok


I agree with you there, sounds like he had another woman around, short conversations on the phone, minimal text messages, maybe she was there when they were on the phone that's way she did all the talking GIT!!!!

I feel for you Hun! and right before valentines day too

Im a guy and take it from me we are mostly the same, with a few exceptions.. I have a daughter but I don't want any sons because I don't want them growing up like me.. treat women they way I have! well used to..

iv been flying solo now for a few year after a 6 year relationship, I think I am grown up enough to try again now and make it works with a woman!.

keep your ear to the ground Mr right is out there somewhere! if you got nothing holding you back go traveling, im going to china when my daughter is 16 but until then I need to support her in the UK.. just 7 more years

reply to post by miss_sky


The smart thing to do here is get your Valentines day gift FIRST then dump him.

Duh.

reply to post by spqrenki



i know...i know.....

Contrary to that stupid saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder", quite the reverse in fact.

reply to post by miss_sky


I don't know squat. But my sense is that you know yourself enough to be able to evaluate a situation and actually make a tough decision.

Be proud of that and don't second guess yourself.

Originally posted by KatieVA
That's a real shame, sorry to hear that

However...if he's not treating you like a princess, he's not worth the time.

Looking to the future..."One day, someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else...."

Like a princess? Seriously? Only someone seriously lacking in self confidence would kiss a women's ass all day every day. Treating a girl like a princess is the same logic that get's you in the friend zone, and then the same person comes on the internet and complains. If treating her like a princess gets you more than friend zone she's probably more of an attention whore and more demanding than the guy.

Sorry to hear you ended such a long relationship, you'll move on and find someone else.

Originally posted by Kram09
reply to post by CrimsonMoon

 

There are guys out there that dont have the spine to tell a woman they want to split up. So what they do is treat them bad or ignore in the hope she will finish with them. Your best rid, pick a man with backbone next time

Let's be fair. Such behavior isn't exclusive to men.

In such situations, our imaginations can often be our own worst enemies. Communication is very important.

Its true women are guilty of this too, but in this context we are talking about a guy being #ty to one of our ATS sisters. Sometimes these spineless guys get so frustrated at not being able to be honest and finish with the girl that they end up turning to drinking, violence or nastyness.

"Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours." - Baz Luhrmann

He's a heroin addict. For sure sick all the time. I know cause I used to do that crap

I'm a good friend of the guy you dumped. I was alerted to this thread by another friend who had seen it and felt it matched the recent break-up they were aware of.

Now that I've read it I know who you are and that you are the one who dumped my friend.

He has cancer. He was afraid to tell you.

Now he is heart-broken. Thanks a lot for being so selfish.