Help ATS with a contribution via PayPal:
learn more

The Rosary and the Silver Cross..

page: 1
4

log in

join

posted on Feb, 11 2013 @ 07:39 PM
link   
Part 1: setting the scene..[ it is meant to be about time travel but not in this part] It is in Northern Spain - 1937 the time travel bit in part 2. Critiques welcome. Thank you



‘The year of our Lord 1937’. Demetrio silently repeated the words in his head. They comforted him for some reason. The mantra sounded suitably ancient, ecclesiastical and solemn. Running the rosary beads between his fingers he fell to his knees and started to recite the Lord’s Prayer.

The small beached coves south of Bilbao always had such a healing effect on him, with their seductive curves and potent mix of mystery and desire. Not today he just felt overwhelmingly sad and empty.

He longed to scream, to curse to rip the pain from his body with his bare hands. To shout of the injustice in the world, of the stupidity of man, to beg for balance, to barter, to bargain ,to plead with God, to change things.

It was all so futile - resigned, he slumped forward, ' really - what was the point' he thought.

The front of his cotton shirt was flecked with sand, sweat and dried blood. He brushed at it distracted, wondering with desperation how things had come to this and as he did so a lock of wet chestnut hair tumbled onto his face. He soothed it to the back of his head with his free hand, momentarily, gazing out to the ocean and thought absently, how could the sun still be shining?

The sheep that looked like goats started moving in the fields, which bordered the cliff. He heard their bells clanging and a sudden thud of small hooves. He inhaled the sweet smell in the air, flowers maybe or sweet grass but also tinged with the smell of animal dung and the warm body musk of the beasts. It was a heady mix, quite soothing actually, if it had not been for the the sour, pungent smell of his own blood.

Despite everything, he laughed to himself completely unexpectedly but without joy. He always loved the smell of fresh manure, the aroma of pure country air, it made him feel close to God, the Creator. This always made his family laugh when he told them such things, he imagined they thought it was just one of his many quirks.

A bee, flitting between petals, collected nectar, focused and busy. He watched and wished he could be so present and full of peace. A sudden pang of unease gripped his chest again, he took a deep breath as salt and ozone filled his lungs. How could everything look so normal, but nothing was normal, he cried in his head.

He tightened the grip on his gun, it felt hard and even evil, he wanted to throw it away to destroy this instrument of death. A queasy feeling preceded the swift rush of bile rising and he turned his head and vomited in the sand.

His parents and sister Maria and her children had been lucky to get a place on a voyage to England, he had had no contact with them for weeks but he trusted they were being well looked after, he hoped and prayed this was true.

But. his thoughts were with his friends who were this day fighting to secure Bilbao and losing as Franco’s traitors had surrounded the city, the nationalists were outnumbered and outgunned.

That unease again, this thing , this creature - that was overwhelming his life and squeezing the very life force from his being. Part of him wished he had never left the seminary, but after what had happened, what choice did he have.

Demetrio lay on his back despite his discomfort, allowing the sun to warm his face and wondered how he could bear to return home and how could he bear not to, he sighed.

He wished that childhood fantasies could comfort him now, dreams of swashbuckling pirates and buxom maidens, hidden treasure and distant lands, but such sweet, innocent thoughts were far away .

The gulls cawing and the sea’s gentle, rhythmic sloshing, left him feeling suddenly exhausted his body ached and the cut in his side throbbed, but he was suddenly overwhelmed and unable to move, he fell into a deep unconscious sleep…

He woke to a whining noise and a wet nose urgently prodding his cheek, it was Manny his friend Antonio’s hunting hound and as his eyes adjusted to the dark he could make out the tall, straight, athletic figure of Antonio striding towards him and heard him call out his name.

‘’ Demetrio my friend, I thought you were dead, are you ok , my friend we have to leave it is not safe here, they are coming, all is lost, come’’

Demetrio felt sick again and a dark, hollow ache engulfed his side, he just wanted to lie down and die.

‘’ come, come my friend we must go, let me see your wound’’ Antonio carefully pulled back Demetrio’s shirt and sucked his teeth, fresh blood was oozing from a bullet wound that had pierced his side.

‘’ it is clean, it is clean, come I will fasten this around it and help you we must go’’

Antonio took off his shirt and rolled the large section around the sleeves, making one long make shift bandage, he tied it around Demetrio’s waste, making him grimace in pain.

Manny barked, pointing his nose and body in the direction that Antonio had just appeared from.

‘’ we have to go, NOW ‘’

Antonio wrapped his considerable frame around Demetrio and pulled him to his feet. Demetrio half walked and was half dragged to a small cave that was hidden behind a Cyprus bush, Manny panting, followed.

Silently they waited, as muffled footsteps filled the air and a small group of Republican Guards stepped into the clearing.


edit on 11-2-2013 by HelenConway because: (no reason given)




posted on Feb, 11 2013 @ 08:25 PM
link   
reply to post by HelenConway
 


That caught my attention very well my friend!

Very well written, so descriptive and powerful.

Thumbs up to you
and you have my interest...


Peace and love
~nat the cat~
edit on 11-2-2013 by natalia because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 12 2013 @ 03:45 AM
link   
Great story so far. You have such a wonderful way of painting a picture with words....it's like watching a movie in the minds eye while absorbing the written word you have presented. Looking forward to more with the greatest of anticipation. A writing talent to be sure. I "dabble" here and there with words and writings but do not come close to presenting efforts of such quality. Keep on keepin on, awesome writing!



posted on Feb, 12 2013 @ 06:33 AM
link   
God, I LOVE your writing! Seriously!

It's the same exact style of writing I use! Only... y'know... better than mine.


Definitely S&F



posted on Feb, 12 2013 @ 07:37 AM
link   
reply to post by shrevegal
 


thank you natalia thank you shrevegal and angel - I will try to add a second part by the end of the week.
But I do appreciate you both taken the time to read it and give feedback, it is much appreciated.
edit on 12-2-2013 by HelenConway because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 12 2013 @ 07:39 AM
link   
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX
 


I don't think it is better at all
it is similar to your style though I agree ..



posted on Feb, 12 2013 @ 07:50 AM
link   

Originally posted by HelenConway
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX
 


I don't think it is better at all
it is similar to your style though I agree ..


Thank ya very much


Got me a writing buddy...



posted on Feb, 12 2013 @ 09:08 AM
link   

Originally posted by shrevegal
....it's like watching a movie in the minds eye while absorbing the written word


It is funny you should say that ... when I get in a writing mood and it comes in spurts, it is weird, I see and feel as if I am there and the words are sort of just describing what is happening, hard to explain, but the words come second. i don't even know what is going to happen..

I will see what happens to demetrio - i think i know .. but ill see
edit on 12-2-2013 by HelenConway because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 12 2013 @ 03:37 PM
link   
Well that was a pleasant surprise. How good was that!. As said above your style of writing is great. I enjoyed reading that



posted on Feb, 12 2013 @ 03:53 PM
link   
reply to post by TheDoctor46
 


thank you dr, I am trying to say use less adjectives I think I get a bit wandering sometimes with my sentences.. so I am working on that and wondering where demetri is gonna end up in part 2





new topics

top topics



 
4

log in

join