New Trend: Sending UNinvites to a wedding, or other social event.

Hi ATS,

I love getting you guys opinions on things. This is mostly a pure rant, as indicated by placing it in the rant forum. I recently read about couples emailing, or even sending cards via snail mail to officially uninvite frineds, and family to their nuptials. I thought it was a joke, and that surely very few couples would dream of being so tasteless, crass, and other wise self absorbed. Then I read on and discovered it is the new big thing, and gaining ground, and albeit a bit slower social acceptance.

The reasons sited for doing this is financial, and venue constraints. OK... so what? Every wedding I have ever attended had money, and venue constraints. They all do! Unless your are marring into money, or are independently wealthy yourself. This has not changed since the beginning of time. What is wrong with the old fashioned way of just not sending an invite to those you cannot afford to have come? That has always worked in the past. Why now does this new generation of bridezillas feel the need to let you know, unequivocably that you didn't make the cut to be present at the cosmic event of their wedding?

I have purchased many a gift for couples who's weddings I was not invited to. I was not offended. I understood that hundreds were coming, and they just couldn't have everyone. If however the couple had been so purile as to send me an official UNinvite they would have recieved nothing but a very scornful letter at how horribly rude they were.

I have not talked to a single personal friend, or aquaintance that thinks this is acceptable. What do you guys think? You obviously know where I stand. Why not send out something like: "Due to the financial, and venue constraints of our wedding, we will all be meeting at town park at 1:00PM for an informal reception. Everyone is invited to bring yor own dish, and beverages, and celebrate with us." Then only send out invites that you wish to the private ceremony. VIOLA! Everyone is happy, and no one is offended, or left feeling like a second rate person, and you aren't left spending one extra dime.

No let's not be sensitive or think of others, lets just offend our friends, and family en masse because we feel so entitled. Please join me in my rant, or become the target of ranting. That's why we love this forum!!!

reply to post by Binder


Pshh.. The last and only wedding I went to, ended up costing me 8000.00, id be more than happy to get an "uninvite"

But yea, this is in poor taste and uncalled for but Im not surprised, with the current narcissistic generation.

I would never..and if I ever get 'uninvited' that will be that...very rude...very trashy in my opinion..

I'm sorry, but am I the only person that thought that not receiving an invitation means that you are obviously not invited?
I suppose that there could be family members and friends that would assume they are invited even without an invitation and show up, which could be a problem especially if the party is catered by the plate. Sounds very tacky to me regardless of the reasoning, but maybe I am just stuck in the days when people had class....

Send em' a gift anyway , like a lovely 4 pack of toilet paper ( beautifully wrapped of course) it's practical and you know they can use it , or maybe a mop bucket with both mop and scrub brush.

wish theyd start that over here .. everytime get invited to a chinese wedding dinner it costs me a bloody small fortune in ang pow ( envelope full of money given at birthdays , weddings and new years ) for the couples ... running out of creative excuses not to attend ...

reply to post by Binder

I have to admit that I have never heard of this but am I surprised? Probably not since I find myself becoming more and more cynical with age (a sad yet honest confession). As I see it, a couple getting married has two choices:

a) only invite the amount of people you are sure you have the financial resources to pay for (the classy thing to do) or
b) over-invite with the assumption that 15-20% of those invited will RSVP "no" while sending a gift in their stead. On the off-chance of this not happening, sending an "uninvite" to those you never really wanted to attend in the first place (tacky and classless).

Some people never cease to amaze me...

reply to post by timidgal


I totally agree. This is kind of like saying, I like you enough to get a gift from you...but, not quite enough to invite to to my wedding....

If I got one of those in the mail, I'd respond with.

So sad...I *was* going to give you $5,000 dollars in cash as a wedding present at the event.....

The perfect marriage of greed and tactlessness.

Des

So hipsters came up with some new Ironic thing to do?

Seems likely.

I would suggest ignoring it, like the rest of the dumb stuff those morons are prone to doing.

~Tenth

I received a wedding invitation (the wedding of a friend's son) inviting me to the ceremony but saying I was not invited to the reception. I was mortified at the idea of seeing old acquaintances at the wedding who would then say, "Ta ta, see you at the reception! What's that you say? You're not invited to the reception? Oh isn't that too bad."

I didn't go to the wedding.

When this "friend's" daughter got married I didn't get an invitation at all.

reply to post by Destinyone


Hey Des - you're invited to my wedding. Actually I am not even having one, but I figure I can fake it for about a grand, which leaves me 4k in the black.

Originally posted by Hefficide
reply to post by Destinyone

 

Hey Des - you're invited to my wedding. Actually I am not even having one, but I figure I can fake it for about a grand, which leaves me 4k in the black.

I have a shot gun...and a single Lady friend.....what date do you want to get married.....:

Des

reply to post by Destinyone


Trust me, you might well bring the shotgun for me... but after five minutes she'll be the one who'll need the extra motivation.

My ex once said "You were so cute until you opened your mouth...."

I haven't come across any of these uninvitations for weddings. If I don't get an invite, I assume I'm not invited and don't attend. I don't give money as gifts if they ask for money instead of gifts. I will decide what I have to give.


Some people have a big guest list just to show off how many people they think like them or to get more gifts, usually the money they asked for.

Thanks for the responses ATS, you have given me a small measure of hope for humanity. A creative solution is always prefferable to blunt greed, and disregard for the feelings of others. As one poster said it does sound like "I want a gift from you, but I don't want to feed, or accomodate you."

My wedding was simple, quick, and informal. A friend from high school spend $80K on their wedding. They are still paying on it 15 years later. They weren't any more married than we were. A mutual friend actaully thought our wedding was more fun, natural, and heart felt sans the pomp, and circumstance. We had beer kegs, but no live 5 piece orchestra. There's a tip for you wedding planners!!