Originally posted by Deetermined
reply to post by Evil_Santa
Help me to understand where you're coming from because you appear to be all over the place.
From your posts, you've obviously had your own addiction problems that you blame on your parents for not being there for you?
The OP was there for his stepkids and then you want to turn around and accuse him of being a "rescuer", therefore making him a narcissist?
Is there anything you won't blame on a parent or step parent?
What exactly are your parents' issues that keep you away from them to this day?
The first two years of a child's life are critical times for a child to learn about the structures of relationships, both in how-to have
relationships with others, as well as how-to have a relationship with themselves. Individuals who do not learn standard relationship models fall into
a category as having attachment disorders. That is what I think is the direct cause of these individuals issues given the nature of having a drug
addicted father, and a workaholic mother.
My mother is a narcissist, and borderline personality disordered individual who has the emotional capacity of a 10 year old. Here's an example, at 7
years old my appendices ruptured 20 hours before I went into surgery because she didn't believe my stomach hurt and that I just wanted to skip
school. Ergo - it was more important for her to make me go to school to look like a good mother, then it was to listen to her son and take him to the
Doctors. As recently as last summer she choose to keep her mother's ash spreading memorial service information from me, even though i live 4 hours
from the site it was held at. She did had the balls to contact me afterward to apologize for not coming to see me when she was in the state though.
Half of her family is abusive narcissists, but I wanted to go to my grandma's memorial service, because it wasn't until she was on her death-bed
with cancer that she apologized to me for how she raised my mother.
My father has a co-dependant personality and was wrapped up in trying to fix my mom for most of my childhood, neglecting my sister and myself, then
when my parents got divorced, he shacked up with a woman who has a history of marrying alcoholics, in an attempt to rescue her. His parenting (which
seems to mimic that of the OPs) was to try and just "put me on the right path, and hope that works" by sending me off to college, and like the OP's
oldest son, I wasted the college money on drugs/liquor and everything else but an education -- even though going to school was the last thing on my
mind at the time.
I actually have finally started to build a relationship with my father in the recent years, and as recently as a month ago he apologized to me for not
being there for me on an emotional level during my childhood/early adult years.
My whole point is that you can't try to fix someone by thinking that you know what's going to be best for that individual's life and push them down
that path. When you're dealing with people with issues you're going to meet extreme resistance, and you'll find better results by trying to
understand them, and help them to understand themselves.
Yes it is hypocritical of me to say to get them neurofeedback with the information in the above paragraph, however neurofeedback isn't a talk-based
therapy, or has anything to do with working with an individuals personality. It's entirely based on the theory that you can retrain how the brain
regulates itself through conditioning, which then trickles-down into the person's behavior and choices they make.