Help ATS with a contribution via PayPal:
learn more

The Breakdown of Traditional Relationships and Marriage.

page: 1
9
<<   2  3 >>

log in

join

posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 04:59 PM
link   
I Now Pronounce You – Legally Bound!



I am going to wager this may spark many healthy and passionate debates here on ATS, but we need to take a look at the constraints being levied on relationships, engagements, and marriage these days. Please remain respectful of each other views.


* Disclaimer* This is not a relationship, or marriage bashing thread only a hard look at what it’s become and my personal philosophies on the issue. You don’t have to agree with anything I say here, but step outside the box and look at marriage, and relationships from a different perspective. Thanks!

Over the past 40 years movements have sprung up that have virtually destroyed the bonds between men and women and driven a wedge so deep that a marriage bond has only a 50% chance of survival.

Acceptance, tolerance, compassion and humbleness are all, but fleeting words that most relationships lack these days, even in the short time they are together. What was once journeys, unions, partnerships and lifelong struggles as traditional family units have become narcissistic, self-centered realities that focuses mainly on egos.

Many years ago marriage was a sacred bond that men and women entered into with each other. The bond was so strong that no matter what happened, in the marriage and in life, the couple endured the ups and downs together.

If people truly love each other than why the need to rope someone into what we call marriage,

What are the benefits of marriage - to keep someone legally or physically bond so they don't run away?

Do we own the other person? Well technically it’s a contract that two people enter into legally, and so called religiously, but what’s funny, or actually not funny at all is it only takes one to dissolve the contract, that two entered into. RT (Scratches head)

www.divorcerate.org...

The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage
50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end indivorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychologyin Springfield, Missouri.

Now if 50% of all marriages end in divorce, what are the remaining 50% happy? I would wager not, in fact, I would bet that another 25% are miserably hanging in, 20% indifferent, and 5% happily married.
Now let’s look at the remaining 5%, even if the institution of marriage never existed, they would most likely still be happy and committed to the other person, regardless of a legal contract.

People will give so many reasons why marriage is great, but the fact is that if committed to each other they can still enjoy the same life together without the bonds of marriage.


Here are some reasons or excuses to get married IMO, that don’t hold water.

1) You are getting older and want to have a child.
2) All my friends are already married
3) I’m pregnant
4) You feel sorry for someone and want to support them
5) Prevent you from growing old alone
6) More sex anytime you want it
7) You won’t need to work as hard, because the other person will help balance things out.
8) People are happier married. Really go check the current divorce rates that I already posted.
9) To have someone to kiss and hold every night. I know quite a few married people who can’t wait to get a few hours alone by themselves, or out with friends.
10) Other married people telling you how wonderful marriage is, but the fact is most of them are not telling you the entire truth.
11) Someone to take care of the house, cooking, kids and laundry.
12) We been going together for years now and it’s time now.
13) The hall is already paid for and invitations have gone out.
14) We are in total love with each other and this is my soulmate. OK if your truly meant to be together then why the need to license them like a dog?
15) The best is, we get tax breaks.
16) I have been waiting for my big day since I was a little girl, or boy
17) We need to profess our love in front of everyone at church and have a grand celebration. Guess what? After the wedding it’s just the two of you, and if you want a large party then just have one.

In conclusion, being in love with someone is a wonderful thing. A couple that is truly in love and meant to be together for life will do so regardless of the ceremonies and legally binding papers that are signed.

Show your undying love for that person and remain at their side, till death do you part, without the stigmas and legally binding ceremonies of the past. Are we that insecure that we need to lock someone down because deep down we know they may stray later on?

I wish, hope and want for everyone on ATS to have, or find their soulmate, but not at the expense of losing oneself to a crumbling system.


Peace and love to you all,
RT




posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 05:08 PM
link   
I feel that marriage, in it's current form, is more for the legal benefits that you get from being married.

Real marriage, entering a union with another, does not need a certificate, witness, or even rings...it does not even need religion.

I think that is why many marriages fail. The union that they entered was not made in their hearts and souls. It was made by reciting a few lines and signing a paper.



posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 05:23 PM
link   
There is no "current form" of marriage. People make their marriage what they want it to be. Aside from the nuptials themselves, there are no rules. Each couple makes their own. You can't really talk about marriage as one entity, because each one is as different as the people involved.

PEOPLE have become more self-centered, selfish and less tolerant and understanding of other people. But don't blame it on marriage.

I do agree that a piece of paper and ceremony are not needed, but if people WANT to do it, I don't see a problem.



posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 05:48 PM
link   
reply to post by Realtruth
 


Good OP.

People are finally realizing that marriage isn't sacred. True bonds are not created with a piece of paper.



posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 05:49 PM
link   

Originally posted by Realtruth

Many years ago marriage was a sacred bond that men and women entered into with each other. The bond was so strong that no matter what happened, in the marriage and in life, the couple endured the ups and downs together.




Broken marriages. Bad relationships. Heartbreak. Disloyalty. The past was not immune these. It's not a new phenomenon.

I don't really understand if your issue is marriage or monogamy. I got impressions for both in your post.

It sounds like your gripe should be against people entering monogamy for the wrong reasons. But acknowledge there are right reasons to enter it as well.
edit on 28-1-2013 by Lucid Lunacy because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 05:54 PM
link   
It's a tradition that's been around for ages. It's the foundation of civilization as we know it. Saying we don't need marriage is just ignorant of sociology, psychology, and human culture.

yeah, many people today are getting married before they should be, and that's a problem. BUT it doesn't mean marriage is the problem.



posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 05:55 PM
link   
reply to post by Benevolent Heretic
 


I think I was a little misunderstood. The "current form" of marriage is that of the ease of divorce and the idea that if it doesn't work out, oh well, I can go get a divorce.

If there is a true, strong love then marriage comes from the heart and divorce isn't even recognized as an option.



posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 05:59 PM
link   
nvm
edit on 28-1-2013 by Ghost375 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 06:01 PM
link   
I am happily married by the way. It's not for everyone, and I agree that each marriage is as different as the people involved.

But, I don't believe that the ceremony of a wedding needs to happen for a marriage to have taken place.

I know two people, who are very much in love, who share everything with each other and they are each others best friend. They are not married by law, but they are very much married to each other.



posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 06:28 PM
link   
reply to post by Realtruth
 


I think it has more to do with maturity responsibility and commitment, understanding and committing to a proper life plan. People today what it all NOW, they fail to understand that a relation takes time to build and that marriage is more than a social act.



posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 08:14 PM
link   
I waited a long time to get married and I didn't marry for love, or babies, or security, or because I'm getting old. I got married because my partner and I started a business and it was easier to establish the partnership that way. Marriage these days is foremost a legally binding arrangement. Call me practical.



posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 08:26 PM
link   
reply to post by otherpotato
 


I call you a person free to marry for their reasons.

My brother married his wife because they were in love, planned to have children, and gave this tradition a green light.

Of course underneath it all is a monogamous long term relationship. But for some the title and ceremony means something, something different to different people.

Honestly I just don't get the OP.



posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 08:39 PM
link   


In conclusion, being in love with someone is a wonderful thing. A couple that is truly in love and meant to be together for life will do so regardless of the ceremonies and legally binding papers that are signed.


I totally agree with you OP, but some people want to hear their soulmate say 'til death do us part' in a ceremony while looking into their soutmate's eyes (sometimes weepy) and I've also noticed that children born of any union prefer their parents legally married so that they have a legal surname.
edit on 28-1-2013 by InTheLight because: (no reason given)
edit on 28-1-2013 by InTheLight because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 09:03 PM
link   
Feminism seeks to destroy marriage and the family. They seek in particular to destroy men and fathers.

Pretty much everything you see on TV makes fun of fathers. They are portrayed as stupid oafs who get in the way and are not needed.



posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 09:29 PM
link   
reply to post by davjan4
 



Feminism seeks to destroy marriage and the family. They seek in particular to destroy men and fathers.


Gah!

I just lost a bet


I voted on something homophobic to be said first. Instead I get sexism. Better luck next time Lucid.

Equality is good for a healthy relationship. Feminism came about as a necessary need in a world full of patriarchy.
edit on 28-1-2013 by Lucid Lunacy because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 11:35 PM
link   

Originally posted by Benevolent Heretic
There is no "current form" of marriage. People make their marriage what they want it to be. Aside from the nuptials themselves, there are no rules. Each couple makes their own. You can't really talk about marriage as one entity, because each one is as different as the people involved.

PEOPLE have become more self-centered, selfish and less tolerant and understanding of other people. But don't blame it on marriage.

I do agree that a piece of paper and ceremony are not needed, but if people WANT to do it, I don't see a problem.


I don't see a problem with marriage or a relationship, but that fact that the ideals of what marriage is today is something completely different from even 20 years ago.

We live in a disposable society, commitments are not long term, so IMO I think the legal definition needs to be adjusted accordingly for today's ideals.

How can this be done? I have absolutely no idea. lol

And you are correct many people blame their problems on marriage, or the other partner when in fact they did make the decision to get married, and/or be with that person.



posted on Jan, 28 2013 @ 11:55 PM
link   
reply to post by Realtruth
 



but that fact that the ideals of what marriage is today is something completely different from even 20 years ago.


I think that's unfair.

High divorce rates. Bad marriages. That means ideals are different for everyone now?

That undermines the people that actually have fantastic marriages based on ideals that flourish in their relationship. Ideals that are not new, and still exist today. You make it sound as though there are not many many many great marriages. There is...

Yes divorce rates are high. But is that sufficient to make the jump you're making? Claiming marriage is so far removed from good it might as well be >insert words



posted on Jan, 29 2013 @ 07:20 AM
link   
reply to post by davjan4
 


How did feminism get into this? Funny! Oh, wait - you were serious?
nvm.

To the topic:

I think none of us can say "what marriage is" because it's so many things - and on the other hand, it's just a piece of paper. And it's everything in between, depending on who you're talking to. The second I put MY ideas of marriage onto someone else, I am imposing my very personal belief system on them.

I do know that, as a female born in the 50s, I was taught that marriage was the "be all, end all" and I should focus on that and not worry about going to college or having a career... Fortunately, times changed enough by the time I was in my twenties that I had different ideas for myself. I was able to have a career AND a long, wonderful marriage that still grows stronger every day.

If I knew then what I know now, I probably wouldn't have gotten legally married, just because I honestly see how we don't need marriage. And with the government picking and choosing who can and can't get married, I have negative feelings about it. I feel somewhat "guilty" participating in an institution that is not equally offered to people who love each other. It's like belonging to an exclusive club and legally, it's discriminatory. We've actually considered getting a divorce because of that.

reply to post by Realtruth
 



Originally posted by Realtruth
I don't see a problem with marriage or a relationship, but that fact that the ideals of what marriage is today is something completely different from even 20 years ago.


I guess marriage is SEEN differently by some. I know a lot of kids of divorce these days want to stay far away from it. But my ideals aren't different. If I married today, it would be VERY much the same as it was 20 years ago. I wanted to take the vows. They were REAL to me. Still are. I didn't want the church involved. And I wanted the financial and legal benefits that go with it. That's why we stay married today. Because of legal issues should one of us become ill or die. That's really the only reason we have the paper.

Because that's NOT what holds us together.


Great thread.



posted on Jan, 29 2013 @ 07:32 AM
link   
Well, I see it this way.
BTW, I'm on my second and last marriage.
Yes, you can be with someone you love, without the paper, for the rest of your life and be happy.
But, thanks to the government, what you can't have, living that way, is health insurance, making sure your home goes to them if you pass on, that supposed benefit at the end of the year on your taxes, pretty much any legal status.
That is what needs to change in my opinion.

We've been together for 18 years, almost 10 of them married. It's not easy and it's not always pretty. But if you can communicate, truly talk to each other, when things are bad and when they are good, it makes for a better relationship. After all this time, I still think I am very lucky to have found him.



posted on Jan, 29 2013 @ 09:10 AM
link   

Originally posted by Lucid Lunacy
reply to post by Realtruth
 



but that fact that the ideals of what marriage is today is something completely different from even 20 years ago.


I think that's unfair.

High divorce rates. Bad marriages. That means ideals are different for everyone now?

That undermines the people that actually have fantastic marriages based on ideals that flourish in their relationship. Ideals that are not new, and still exist today. You make it sound as though there are not many many many great marriages. There is...

Yes divorce rates are high. But is that sufficient to make the jump you're making? Claiming marriage is so far removed from good it might as well be >insert words<



Why is it unfair?

People that have wonderful marriages are going to have them regardless of laws, paper, or anything else.

Divorce rates are high, something is very wrong so if someone, or a couple decide not to get married, or just live together they deserve the same rights as those that are married.

Laws need to be adjusted accordingly, allowing couples that choose to live together the same rights as those that are married, so they can get health insurance, and the same legal benefits as those that are married.

Why demonize or exclude those that choose to be together without the throws of marriage? They pay the same amount of taxes and live like married couples, but do not get equal treatment.

edit on 29-1-2013 by Realtruth because: (no reason given)






top topics



 
9
<<   2  3 >>

log in

join