I may have no other choice...

reply to post by dc4lifeskater


Thank you so much for sharing. I welled up reading your response. I truly do care for her, and have definitely attempted to remedy the situation by saying im sorry even if I am not at fault. If I try to hug her or hold her when she is upset she usually pulls away and makes it seemingly impossible to do so. She even puts herself into situations that block me from comforting her when she is mad.

I try to be as understanding and compassionate as possible. I seriously feel horrible sometimes because I do not get that in return, and that leaves me feeling empty inside.

Again, I commend your honesty and insight. You have all my respect, bro.

Sounds like EVERY woman out there.

and really, "Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality, Bi-polar"?
Do you even realize what those disorders mean? Borderline is often characterized by self inflicted wounds. It's a serious disorder. Same with the other ones. Your story doesn't resemble any of those disorders, even remotely.
and I have a #in degree in this.


Also what you said(the way you worded it) could clearly be deemed offensive if you said it in the tone I'm nearly positive you did.

Your relationship doesn't appear to be working out. But to say she has a mental disorder is kind of childish on your part.

reply to post by forall2see


Sounds like narcissitic personality disorder. Put your kid first and get out of that relationship quick sharp. Theres a danger of you being her enabler and ending up in a co-dependency relationship until she finds a new mug and leaves you in the dirt.

Originally posted by forall2see
reply to post by scotsdavy1

 

No... This happens all the time. Menstrual stuff has no real connection here.

Maybe you should take some time out as you don't live together which might be a blessing in disguise. You don't have the worry of splitting the house up etc and you both have your own children. This might be affecting yours as well as yourself and you can't be happy so I would give he some space for a while and see how it goes....

She doesn't even recognize that she has a problem. If you stay things will only get worse and eventually you will resent the hell out of how she is treating you. It isn't good or your child either. Please leave now before it gets any worse. I wish you all the best!!!

Originally posted by forall2see
reply to post by resoe26

 

We do not have any children together, thankfully. We also do not live together, however she keeps sending me links to Craigslist rentals. I can't live with that type of person though.... In which case, why should I continue the relationship if I already know that it's a dead end?

Well I'm a woman so maybe I can offer something of use here? You stated she keeps sending you Craigslist Rentals and I get the feeling then she wants to take the relationship further but you don't and not much is discussed between the two of you about your readiness on this??

Why I'm asking is because THIS alone could be why she is short with you all the time and over silly things. Inside, she is afraid of losing you, so outside she is becoming more and more defensive (possibly not even aware) and ultimately driving you further away, sadly.

Maybe she does also have some issues, shoot, I think we all do to some extent and so we all kind of have to bear and endure each others idiosyncrasies. But if you can be the ground wire so to speak, and sit down and talk to her about moving in together, or waiting and your reasons why, maybe this will ground out her emotional outbursts?

Oh..I really wish I could help you. Hopefully things even out and whatever happens is the right thing for you both.

reply to post by Ghost375


I respect your opinion first and foremost. However, not all women are this way. This is unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life and has led me to search for answers in hopes that something can be done about the situation. That particular cluster of personality disorders comes up an awful lot when I tell my story, as well as when I research behaviors that i have been witnessing.

If in fact your degree can shed some light on a solution here, it would be appreciated.

Originally posted by Urantia1111
I have experienced this phenomenon myself a number of times with a few girls. It appears that your girlfriend is what doctors call a "bitch". This condition is chronic and uncurable. Her attitude is a result of her not being happy with herself and her situation in life and there is nothing you can do to remedy that. Get out now. I wasted a third of my life with one of these girls. They DO NOT change. Find another.

Same happened to me but it was only a quarter of my life.

These types also tend not to be able to be monogamists. They just aren't capable because they are so self obsessed yet incredibly un-self aware. Cheating on their partners is their partners fault so they don't have the guilt for more than a day afterwards.

reply to post by forall2see


Real simple!!!!

Time to go............for good................

Your deal will never work out and you'll never forgive yourself if you keep hanging around.
find a really good, grateful, non complaining woman(preferably without kids) as yours will never get the same treatment or attention of her child.

Good luck with the breakup

Originally posted by scotsdavy1

Originally posted by forall2see
reply to post by scotsdavy1

 

No... This happens all the time. Menstrual stuff has no real connection here.

Maybe you should take some time out as you don't live together which might be a blessing in disguise. You don't have the worry of splitting the house up etc and you both have your own children. This might be affecting yours as well as yourself and you can't be happy so I would give he some space for a while and see how it goes....

I have been doing that all week so far. I have also kept in touch to ask how her day is going, etc. I seem to be the only one initiating any conversation though, which is interesting because now im being labeled (rightfully so) as distant and therefore I must not care.

reply to post by forall2see


Its very hard man I have gone through it all of my life pushing away the people who loved me the most without even realizing it, until she recognizes that she has a problem like I did and wants to actually work on and fix the problem then things will be horrible for you and her and you will break up anyways. I have had SO many relationships but mainly because I had to find the right person that can cope with my problems and both of us be happy at the same time.

Some advice on how to approach her because it seems she gets defensive when you do is DO NOT approach her about it when you have had any issues recently, make sure you had had a great day, then at the end of the day just tel her that you need to talk about something very important with her and that you want her to listen to what you have to say and not get upset, make sure you do not use negative tones with her.. For me Tones of voice sets me off more then anything, do not talk down to her that is another big thing.

Tell her exactly how you feel and tell her that you love her, you do not want to leave her but she is pushing you into a corner. You realize that she has problems and you are willing to work with her but only if she is going to accept that she has issues and is willing to either get help or talk to you and work out how to make things better.

I don't think the answer is always meds most of the time that makes things worse not better, for one my sex drive went to 0 and likely hers will to and she will not want to have sex with you or be physical with you so that is likely a bad thing. Also she will likely have less mood swings but its because she really wont have mood swings at all she will just be level all the time or down she will not be upbeat and happy like a "normal" person so getting her on meds you may in fact end up not liking her even more then off meds.

She obviously has some abandonment issues and jealousy problems and I have the same things, I get jealous easy and I have abandonment issues because I push people away and they leave then I feel like they left me but really it was my fault.. She needs to know that you aren't leaving her for the greener grass, and straight out tell her look if I didn't want to be with you I wouldn't be here I don't have to be here I am not going to cheat on you and just becasue I talk to someone doesn't mean anything.

Sometimes when I get angry with my gf I don't want her to touch me at all and sometimes it helps but usually I just need some time maybe you could just say to her that you will go in the other room and give her some time to calm down and whenever she is ready you can talk or if she wants to cuddle to let you know. I am surprised that she would not want to be touched because most women are all about physically being soothed with hugging and whatnot (not sex never try to do sex to make her "feel better") if she was a guy maybe, but for a girl she isn't going to be down for that unless she is a nympho like my GF then maybe because she wants me to bang her at any given time and if I did that more probably life would be easier lol but I am getting old I can only go so far these days :d

Thats some more advice from me, without knowing more about her or her in general its hard to give more advice but you can u2u me if you have any specific questions.

If you can afford it I would suggest doing a couples counsiling and I am sure that it would help things maybe having a 3rd party present. If you bring it up I would suggest it more of something like you need it not you think she needs it. Like that its hard for you to communicate and you need someone to help you or something along those lines.

reply to post by HoneyBe

We have had several discussions about living together that have been thorough. Things seem to have gotten worse since that time, which indicates to me that they have the potential of getting even worse once we do live together. As far as the resentment thing goes, its not always easy, but I tend to focus my resentment towards her problems, and not her personally, if that makes sense.

Originally posted by forall2see
If in fact your degree can shed some light on a solution here, it would be appreciated.

Yeah, it sounds like it could be a failing relationship. That's all. You guys really need to talk about your relationship before it gets worse.

I still don't think you're as innocent in this as you're letting on.

But don't get me wrong. She probably deserves most of the blame, I'm just pretty sure you've been doing things that make the situation worse.

reply to post by forall2see


My best advice (which even I have trouble with) is follow your heart, not your head. You have rationalized a lot of things here openly, which tells me you've done quite a bit of thinking *mind* but try and connect with your heart, where true insight and instinct and intuition lives. That's the source of where we love someone without reason and rational. Simply put if your heart is unsure, then perhaps it is time to let her go, for you and for her.

You seeing my ex wife?
Best advice I was ever given below.

reply to post by HoneyBe


Well said
I'll remember that

reply to post by Ghost375


Well you could very well be correct about the failing relationship part. And please note that I'll be the first to admit that im not perfect, however I have a good sense of integrity and confidence in the way I choose to live my life. You are entitled to your own opinion however.

You're in a really good position because you are not living together so you don't have that logistical nightmare to deal with. I say, run, Forrest, run. It's only going to get worse. The fact is you have not been together that long. It's not like you have 20 years vested in the relationship or any obligation to "save" her from whatever is wrong. It really is not your problem. Get out now. Terminate the relationship. Send her a text.

reply to post by forall2see


I'm probably going to get a lot of negative responses from my reply and I realise this is the "relationships" forum but it has to be said....

Your Walmart-story is a one-sided story and it surpises me how everybody can give you advise based on just your perspective. In my mind the same story is being told from her side and it goes a little like this:

Last weekend we all traveled to a local WalMart to see an optometrist and get a new prescription for my contacts. During my exam he hung out with our kids (his daughter who is 10, and my son who is 4). Everything seemed to be going well. We purchased a 6 month supply of my new prescription and then proceeded towards the door. This is where it gets interesting, and is merely an example of what I have been experiencing during our relationship...

As we are walking towards the car, I remembered that we needed to get some laundry detergent. In response, he snaps at me. So I asked why he reacted so agitated. He said, " I'm not being short with you. I just asked if you couldn't have thought about it a little bit sooner, we were in there the whole time and now that we are leaving you think about it!!"

When we got to the aisle and found the right detergent, he wanted to grab a box and asked me what scent I wanted and if was sure about it because he wasn't planning on going back again. I told him "I don't understand what your problem is right now, why are you being so rude and angry". The children were wondering why we arguing and I tried to explain to the children that is was nothing. He took my attempt at calming the children as an oportunity to drive it a little further by saying "Nothing, what do you mean nothing?" I got so angry with him I yelled at him the middle of WalMart.... etc etc...

I'm not saying this happened and I'm not questioning your account but every story has two sides. I, for one< would like to hear both sides before giving you advise on how to handle your situation....

So..not much help from me but I have been in a relationship for 20 years now, with 4 kids and a heap of good and bad moments. Sometimes women are just women. I gave up on trying to understand them...

Peace

PS: sorry for the crappy spelling

here is some good reading for you

Predetory Female

And if you want check out this thread.

Feminism & Fall Of Traditional Family

Tell her bye bye before it's too late!!