I may have no other choice...

Hello fellow members of ATS, and thank you for taking the time to hear me out. To be quite honest, I am sort of embarrassed to make a thread on this topic. However, I would like some feedback pertaining to my current situation. So I'll get started...

I have been struggling with the idea of leaving my girlfriend. We have been together since November, 2011. In the beginning we hit it off quite well and during the time our relationship was still new, I had the feeling that this was the woman that I wanted to share the rest of my life with. However...

I believe my girlfriend suffers from some sort of paranoia based personality disorder, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality, Bi-polar... I cannot really tell if it's just one of, or maybe a combination of them. I just know that something is not right about the way she reacts to the smallest things, and how heavily she emphasizes that so many feelings she has are somehow a result of my actions.

For example. Last weekend we all traveled to a local WalMart for her to see an optometrist and get a new prescription for her contacts. During her exam I hung out with our kids (My daughter who is 10, and her son who is 4). Everything seemed to be going well. We purchased a 6 month supply of her new prescription and then proceeded towards the door. This is where it gets interesting, and is merely an example of what I have been experiencing during our relationship...

As we are walking towards the exit, she mentions that we need to get some laundry detergent. In response, I asked if we should just get it at the store since we were in there. She instantly turns to me with a scowling look and asks why I am being so short with her, lol... I said, " I'm not being short with you babe. I just asked if you would prefer to just grab laundry soap while we are here." "Why wouldn't we??" she snapped back. At this point I chose to simply let it go, and we proceeded to the laundry soap aisle.

When we got to the aisle and found the right detergent, she had asked me to grab a box of Gain detergent. Since there were 3 different scents, I asked which one she would like me to grab. "This one!" she exclaims.. "I don't understand what your problem is right now!". Again... I simply let it go, however she insisted at that point to tell our children that I was being short with her... Our children!! I then asked what was wrong and got yelled at in the middle of WalMart.... For what exactly? Im not sure... Lol

Afterwards, when we had returned to the car, I asked if there was something we needed to talk about and got the same angry response as in the store.... In front of our kids.... To the point where she insisted that I should just go home with my daughter and leave her and her son alone. She went so far as to call me a d%ck in front of our children!

That's just an example of what I have been dealing with. Also, later that evening, we had gotten a sitter so that we could go to the casino for a bit. During our time at the casino I was accused of "chatting it up" with a middle aged woman at a slot machine, and that I should just have fun going about my night without her. I also received a text from a friend of mine that I went to high school with, saying that she saw us walking in as they were leaving, and wanted to say hi, but didn't get the chance. Turns out... According to my girlfriend, that somehow I was flirting with the girl that I have known for over 20 years because she had sent me a text message...

Later on in the weekend, I guess I made oatmeal for her son the wrong way, and somehow that ticked her off, and my saying sorry got me yelled at even more, and asked to leave.... At which point I said fine... Ill just go home then.... At which point then I was preemptively accused of just leaving so that I could go and party without her.... And that if I left it must mean that I don't care about her or our relationship. I slept on her couch that night. In the morning I got up to go to work and said goodbye to her and let her know that I loved her... She asked why I was leaving so early... Uhhh... I leave for work at the same time every day, lol!

As I rolled into work, I received a call from her wherein she apologized for "her part"... The thing about that is... I always get that same apology, when in fact she decides to apologize, and quite frankly it has gotten to the point that an apology is worth nothing from her because it is never backed up with any action.... The cycle just repeats itself and gets worse by the day.

Look... I have tried my darndest to approach her with my concerns regarding her anger and how it effects all of us. She just doesn't seem to get it. And I am left sort of heartbroken knowing that I cannot allow myself to be treated as such, and especially not allow my children to grow up thinking that relationships work in that way... They don't! I want my children to grow up honest, open minded, assertive, and seeking solutions rather than focusing on others perceived weaknesses. My kids, btw have started talking at me the same way, which is a major reason why I am growing closer to ending this relationship and no longer holding on to some sort of hope that things may change for the better.

So I ask, ATS... Have you or someone you know experienced something similar? Can you offer any advice?

It sounds like she has a touch of bipolar or severe depression. The hardest part is getting them to seek treatment. If you approached her about therapy, how would she react?

Maybe that time of the month for your girlfriend? Why wife today snapped at me when I phoned her to ask if I had left me credit car on the table when I was out at the shop. I told her to not talk to me like that and hung up. She phoned right back and apologised as it was that dreaded time of the month for her! I let it go and understood but a possibility for you unless she is always like that in which case I would head for the hills! Best of luck

She sounds like a straight biotch.
I'd leave her especially if she insists on insulting you in front of the children.
couple questions for you:
is she on her period?
what are both of your horoscope signs?
is she the mother of your children?

reply to post by nixie_nox


I have tried. She gets extremely defensive and insists that I have the problem. I should also point out that everytime she acts out, it leads to her thinking we are going to break up, or that I will leave her.

I'm wondering if past experience comes into play as a reason she does that. She really disconnects though. It seems impossible to discuss with her.

Do yourself and your daughter a favor and leave her. It probably wont be easy for you but as your daughter gets older for her to be around that type of person will cause her to suffer. There is no helping these people, no treatment or amount of pills will help. Do whats best for your daughter and get out of there man. it really sucks the most for that lady's son who has to grow up with her but theres nothing you can do about it.

reply to post by scotsdavy1


No... This happens all the time. Menstrual stuff has no real connection here.

A lot of us have experience with this and a few have decided to stay clear of all American and Western women.

Shrink 4 Men

This is for men who are recovering from relationships with abusive women.

Plenty of horror stories there if you don't believe me.

My advice is get out as soon as possible because this bad behavior is only going to get worse.

reply to post by resoe26


We do not have any children together, thankfully. We also do not live together, however she keeps sending me links to Craigslist rentals. I can't live with that type of person though.... In which case, why should I continue the relationship if I already know that it's a dead end?

reply to post by forall2see


DUDE! You're story is my current life right now! I'm going through exactly what you are almost word for word..


It's unreal I wish I had some advice for you but you and I are paddling in the same boat!

It definitely does not sound like she's playing any kind of game. Something's wrong with her and she probably needs help.
If you still like her, tell her to get help. She will go absolutely crazy, but that's exactly what her problem is.
If she really does not understand that she has a problem, you could....record the next conversation and play it up for her, and she will go crazy again because you did that.
When she's somewhat calm, ask if her reaction really was "normal", and play it again.
If she insists that it is, ask if you could get a second opinion from a random person. Maybe even a person of her choice?


But If you don't like her anymore, leave her and ask her to go see someone.

Is she this way to you all the time? Hormones can affect some women very badly. Have you sat her down and PROPERLY discussed your feelings i.e that your considering leaving her. I only ask cause this cause you ssid that in the beginning things were good???

I have bi-polar and depression and some other issues.. These things make life VERY hard for me, I do not like taking the medicines that they want me to take because they make me feel like a zombie and sick although they do work in keeping me level but if walking around like ur trapped inside of a shell is living then I don't want to live.

So it is VERY hard for me to have a relationship because I do the same things you talked about, the littlest stupid things will just set me off like how my GF drives or how she makes me something to eat like my eggs, rather then looking at it like hey she is making me eggs I should be thankful for that and be nice about it and just eat them my mind does not go there it like switches over into another side of me that I have no control over.

Another thing is when I get depressed I will constantly pick at her and get on her about the smallest things until she is in just as bad of a mood as me, somehow this makes me feel better but then when she gets to the point of crying sometimes it makes me really sad and then I like snap out and realize that I have upset her..

Now it has taken me a long time to understand my issues and try my best to control them as well as realize when I am having issues and try to fix them or seperate myself from a situation so I do not cause any pain to my GF or her daughter.

She understand my issues we talked about them before we even started dating she is a very loving and nurturing and caring person. She understand that I can't help it and I have given her ways to help me like letting me know when I am doing it or rather then argue with me to walk away and go to a different room or just hug me and tell me that she loves me and that she is sorry.. even if I am wrong this seems to help for her to appologize to me and I have told her this, it doesn't matter that I am wrong and she gets that...

You have to be a very understanding person and a person that can take things with a grain of salt sometimes to deal with people like me and your GF with the issues that we have. I can be so angry 1 second and 10 minutes later I am completely over it I just need that 10 min to get over it, if you argue you make it worse, you want the last word I will get worse, just walk away give me time to reset or hold me and tell me how much you love me and care about me and that you don't want me to be upset..

Another of my issues is I have problems with stress on a normal day I am probably 100x more stressed then a standard person so when a stressful situation comes up I am that much more stressed sometimes I can't take it and just get really angry trying to do things and I just have to step back and take a breath or I feel like my brain is going to explode. It is very hard to work on projects with my GF like building shelves or things (recently we built a bed platform) we have learned we do not work well together I work well by myself and since its hard for me to communicate what I want her to do since she does not build things and I do I assume that she can do it and I get all pissy and have an additude and we just argue so its best we work along on projects from now on.

If you cannot deal with her issues then get out now and find someone normal because she will not change you are going to have to change to work with her or to understand her.

Originally posted by cybro
A lot of us have experience with this and a few have decided to stay clear of all American and Western women.

Shrink 4 Men

This is for men who are recovering from relationships with abusive women.

Plenty of horror stories there if you don't believe me.

My advice is get out as soon as possible because this bad behavior is only going to get worse.

Oh my word!!!!! Wonder if theres a website to avoid american and western men for women!!!!

When I read this paragraph

I believe my girlfriend suffers from some sort of paranoia based personality disorder, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality, Bi-polar... I cannot really tell if it's just one of, or maybe a combination of them. I just know that something is not right about the way she reacts to the smallest things, and how heavily she emphasizes that so many feelings she has are somehow a result of my actions.

I thought " This is just a normal woman, they're all crazy & all suffer from Bipolar disorder!" But jokes aside, If she can not control her temper around the children then she has a problem. I get real mad some times, and in the past struggled with controlling my anger, but no matter how mad I got I never raised my voice around my daughter - Like you, I understand that what they see could be deemed as acceptable, which it isn't.

Hearing your side of the story, I would say its best to step back a little. It's obvious that you love her, it probably is worth trying to keep it. Let her see that her behavior and inability to listen to your feelings is pushing you away, that you feel you need to spend less time with her to avoid the conflict.

I'v always gone by the notion of "Those Who Don't Hear Will Feel"

If your going around in circles and nothing is changing, then the only best option is take a step back in your relationship. If she loves you, she will see that shes hurt you, and you will hopefully live 'Happily Ever After' And if not, then count your self lucky because everything you thought was right and you got out of that situation sooner rather than later.

Good luck, I know you'll need it

reply to post by Nevertheless


Funny you mention that. I actually told her that I was considering taking video of some of our conversations. And well... She got PO'd, lol! I think it would he a good idea though.

I really have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that someone could be so delusional at times and have no idea that they are indeed in need of some sort of help.

Originally posted by Whosthatgirl
Is she this way to you all the time? Hormones can affect some women very badly. Have you sat her down and PROPERLY discussed your feelings i.e that your considering leaving her. I only ask cause this cause you ssid that in the beginning things were good???

Yes, all the time. I have expressed my feelings on numerous occasions. But somehow she always turns it around on me and tries to make me think that it's my fault.

You already know what needs to be done. Do it!

If you won't do it for yourself, then do it for your daughter. She certainly doesn't need to be subjected to this. Yeah, the woman's going to give you nine kinds of hell when you end it, and try to make you out to be the biggest scumbag on the face of the earth. Tell her to get some help, and move on. You'll be glad you did later.

I have experienced this phenomenon myself a number of times with a few girls. It appears that your girlfriend is what doctors call a "bitch". This condition is chronic and uncurable. Her attitude is a result of her not being happy with herself and her situation in life and there is nothing you can do to remedy that. Get out now. I wasted a third of my life with one of these girls. They DO NOT change. Find another.

Originally posted by forall2see
reply to post by resoe26

 

We do not have any children together, thankfully. We also do not live together, however she keeps sending me links to Craigslist rentals. I can't live with that type of person though.... In which case, why should I continue the relationship if I already know that it's a dead end?

The first sentence says it all. Why wait until she is pregnant and has a way at you for life? It will be much easier to break things off now, and protect you daughter in the long run. If she is loosing it on you now, just wait till your daughter is older. It could get very ugly.

~OkieDokie