I don't know what I'm talking about. Ha, it is amazing when you realize that everything you thought was true isn't and then at the same time you
realize that -- you are screwed
I recently moved to Idaho hoping to find something. I know what I'm looking for. Stable friends, maybe a stable relationship, adventure, maybe I
don't know what I'm looking for.
But since I got here a month ago, all hell has broken loose. I don't want to admit a lot of things, so that is why they are in bold. Because I am
trying to blind myself to them.
I have been losing friends ridiculously fast. I joined a rock band as a bassist, and received a text message never to talk to any of them again
because I was such a terrible person, but all I did was show up, play the bass perfectly, and leave. They said it was because I didn't pay gas money
for the ride, but they never asked me to, and I didn't think about it.
I bought a car soon after, on December 24th, but then on December 25th, I drove into Boise to pick up a friend who needed help and brought her back
here only to have a ridiculous wreck on the interstate because there was an ice storm and the roads froze over instantly without me noticing in time.
When I got back to my house, the friend was not even appreciative, and she admitted to me that she was just using me to get to my room-mate.
After this, I decided that I shouldn't be pushed around by people and spent about a month (this last month) standing up for myself, but that resulted
in a few disasters. One of my best friends, another girl, and I got in a fight and we haven't been able to recover.
I don't know what to do. It seems like whenever I try to help people, karma is hitting me back saying "Hey, you helped someone, take this punishment"
yet when I stand up for myself, I still get the same karmic reaction.
Maybe friends work things out with each other, and are there for each other, and continue to support each other at different times when needed. That's
what I used to think.
These days, with the younger generation, when your friend needs help, that's when you say "I'm sorry, I'm not going to help you because it doesn't
benefit me" and then you lose them - but they could have been there for you later!
But the problem is, since everyone is acting like this, it is impossible to have someone around when you need them, and at the same time, if you want
to have someone around, you have to make every decision perfectly -
And there are so many bull# decisions to make. So many instances where the moral dilemma presented to me has been one that is ridiculously out of most
people's capabilities to solve perfectly, yet when I mess up, the other person disowns me.
I have had to do conflict mediation in my house so much that my leadership skills improved to the point where I was able to prevent disasters that
would have resulted in terrible things happening which I will not mention here because they are too sketchy.
What I am I supposed to do in this situation? I don't really know. It is hard to trust people when they screw you over, and it is hard to reach out to
people when they don't care and insult you for it.
And when people reach out to me and I help them, I would appreciate it if they stuck around to help me back at some point, but they don't. So then
that makes me feel like I shouldn't be tolerating B.S.
Yesterday, I was one person. Today I am another. But # keeps on going down so fast and I can't figure out what is outside of my ability to control and
what is inside my ability to control. No #ing clue.
# is going down so fast that every day I am one person, and the next day, I am another. My friends become my enemies and my enemies become my friends,
And I begin to wonder what the hell is going on with girls, I know that with online dating if a girl puts up a profile, she will be receiving hundreds
of messages a week. This is making a huge imbalance, because the girl is basically free to screw over any guy she wants to based on one mistake
or one imperfection
and then cheat on him, or maybe the girl
The girl doesn't have time to deal with guys who actually care about her and are pursuing her, because there are so many, and she is interested in the
ones that she can pursue, but then gets bored of them -
Meanwhile, guys are learning that if they care about a girl and are interested in them and willing to put in effort, they are screwed over, yet I
learned that if I appear to be an ass, I get rewarded - how did I learn that? I tried that for a month. I got lots of chicks interested in me.
In fact, in one instance, a girl came over to hang out and got so into me right away that she was chasing me around the house and jumping on me and
kissing me. And that's just one instance.
But you know what, that came with consequences, karma you know?
But there aren't really any other choices. It's not like I can approach a girl with good intentions and get accepted. If the only method of operation
of getting a girl is to be an ass, yet that results in bad karma and the relationship as breaks apart and there is also fallout that affects your
other relationships, what am I supposed to do about it?
Girls could start caring for and rewarding guys that are interested in them, but I'm not a girl, and I'm certainly not the whole entire female
population. Maybe there are girls that appreciate guys who put in the effort, and I'm sure there are, because that's life, everyone is unique.
Sometimes I think about creative ways to solve my problems, which is why I signed up for CougarLife - older women have their heads on WAY straight and
they aren't used to guys working hard in the relationship, you know, like younger women are. Older women are used to putting in the effort, so it
seems like a good match.
I might pay the $12.00 to become a member, you know? ?
But I'm sure sure life will find new ways to # me over at every turn - you know what...
Yesterday, my room-mate and I were about to seal a multi-million dollar business deal, but today he is in jail. He showed up to court for a DUI and
found out that his court date was switched without him knowing, and since he was out on bail, he has to pay the bail and go to jail until his next
I called my mom, who is a lawyer, and she said that I should call my aunt, who is a criminal defense attorney. But my mom also said that I shouldn't
be worried about my room-mate's problems.
Well... that brings me back to my original point, in fact, my mom said "You can care about people, but that doesn't mean that you have to help them
out of situations" to which I replied "How is that caring? Am I the hero because ridiculous caring aura is making my friend feel better? If someone is
about to get shot, and I care about them really hard, how does that help anything? I think that's not caring - I think that's pretending to care so
that you feel better" and then my mom started throwing up and hung up on me.
# it you know, now what. I have no clue. I'm just trying to do the best I can and find meaningful relationships in a world that has gone to hell. And
it's only going to get worse, you have no idea the things I've seen, and I'm from a high-class family and have a college education.
But none of that matters, you know, when the economy is bad and I'm living on $700.00 a month and don't have a car and can't make it to the grocery
store to buy groceries, so I'm taking vitamins because
edit on 22-1-2013 by darkbake because: (no reason given)
22-1-2013 by darkbake because: (no reason given)
edit on 22-1-2013 by darkbake because: (no reason given)