I want to discuss something that has been bothering me for, probably a year or so now.
I have no name for whatever this is, and I have no evidence, so it's purely something I want to discuss and play about with for the time being.
Since leaving mandatory schooling at 16, I've gradually felt that I am becoming dumber. This is probably no phenomenon in itself. Without the
constant stimulation and feed of knowledge we would get on a daily basis, I guess our brains have stopped developing.
What concerns me is the rate at which I seem to be getting 'dumber'.
I'm only 26, I left school 11 years ago, and during that time, I've been to college three times and taken University courses.
The issue is that despite the constant thirst for knowledge, I don't understand anything any more. It's like the subject, the words, the material,
has all stayed the same, but my ability to process it is just defunct.
I enjoy maths, but I'm finding it impossible to manage my finances. What should be a simple matter of looking after in going and out goings on
specific dates, is such a challenge, I break down. I have to have someone help me manage it because I can't do it by myself any more.
The other thing, is that I feel like I'm not really even here half the time. I know it sounds utterly crazy, but I feel like I'm a just
consciousness within a shell. But the shell isn't alert. I look through eyes that don't feel like they're really seeing anything. I stare blankly
at things for a few minutes and all the while, my brain is ticking over, but I feel so vacant.
I don't feel alive, if that makes sense. I feel like I'm shrouded, and I can't pass beyond the veil and wake myself up. I don't ever feel alert.
I have normal faculties, I experience sensations, I have all my senses. I don't smoke, I don't do drugs and I rarely drink. I exercise 5 times a
week but instead of feeling more energetic, I feel more and more tired.
I used to be so out going, and vivacious, I used to have a really active social life, but now I'm so tired all the time, I seek to be alone 99% of
the time, despite having a family. I'm NOT depressed! I've been depressed, this isn't anything like it.
I've had tests, boy have I had tests. I've had so many tests, the results were pouring out my wazoo.
I wear glasses, because I have slight short sightedness and astigmatism. I also have a hormone imbalance (I have polycystic ovarian syndrome).
I'm really loathe to even share this on here, because I know I'm going to get a bunch of replies saying to seek medical attention, get brain scans
The issue is how do I even approach the subject with a doctor?
"Doctor, I don't feel real, like I'm not awake but still awake, whats wrong with me?"