How a price list became famous

John Penn's (one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence) mother had two sisters. The two sisters owned and operated a bakery that specialized in all sorts of pies. While their pies were well known they were somewhat overlooked by history. But, being good business women, they had a price list of all their pies. They have faded into the mists of the past, but their list of prices lives on. Everybody is familiar with "The Pie Rates Of Penn's Aunts".

OK, here is where you try to groan and laugh at the same time.

Groan, yes. Laugh, sorry.

But you do get a star for having the chutzpah to post that joke.

oh nooooo!
But funny.

As bad as the diminutive Psychic that broke out of prison.
the Small Medium at-Large.

I've got a version of the same thing, which "has the added advantage of being true".
My mother was Cornish-born. Her father's middle name was Penrose, and he was known to friends and family as "Pen"
At some point in her childhood, on their way to a family holiday which would include visiting his mother's sisters, it occurred to her that they were "going to Penzance to see Pen's aunts".

Oh dear.

You know what you've done, don't you.

It's the morning here. First thing I see usually sets up my day. Mood wise.



pie rates of penn's aunts.. I am SOOO stealing that!!!!

Three groups of knights and their squires went into a forest to fight over possession of the land. One group consisted of only one knight and his squire, the other two groups were considerably larger. In preparing for the battle the single squire prepared dinner by making a noose in a rope, suspended a pot from a high tree branch using that rope, and set a large blaze underneath it.

The knights sent messengers to each other agreeing that they would not bother with the fight themselves, but would send their squires to do battle. After the ferocious battle, the single squire emerged victorious, proving again that the squire of the high pot 'n' noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

ok, I guess I'll play along.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan.
His old man's a Rolling Stone."

In the mid 1800's a family moved to one of the southern states from a small village in Scotland. When asked where they were from they would invariably reply, "just a quaint little village in Scotland". At that time many family names were derived from their trade, like Cooper for a barrel maker or smith for a blacksmith. And others were taken from their place of birth in the old country. This was at least partly due to the fact that most of the old country names were long and hard to spell or pronounce. This was no different for the family from the wee little village in Scotland. Because of the way they pronounced the word village, softening the last syllable, people started calling them the Ville family, and it stuck.

Not too long after settling in to their new home they had a pair of twins. Even though they were both boys they were not identical twins. In fact, as they grew up it became obvious that they couldn't be more different. They were also small in stature. Not quite dwarfs, but still very small. For this they earned the nickname the "wee Villes".

As they reached adulthood it was even more obvious that they were as different as day and night. One was very outgoing and ambitious. When he came of age he left the little farm he grew up on to go to the big city to become rich and famous. He did indeed attain wealth, but the fame part always seemed to elude him in spite of his success and riches.

His twin, on the other hand, was happy to just buy a small plot of land and set up housekeeping with his rather plain, but nice, bride. He never got rich. In fact, he was about as close to dirt poor as you can get being a landowning farmer. But ironically he was the one to become known world wide in spite of never trying to become well known.

Nobody remembers the rich Ville twin but there is hardly a corner of the civilized world where "the lesser of two wee Villes" is not universally recognized.

reply to post by happykat39

Dear happykat39,

I hope you're Catholic. Looking at the suffering you've caused in this thread, you'd better get to Confession if you are. When you're done with that, come back and tell us what your penance was, I'll bet it's a doozy.

With respect,
Charles1952

Originally posted by spacedoubt
oh nooooo!
But funny.

As bad as the diminutive Psychic that broke out of prison.
the Small Medium at-Large.

And in that same vein...

A copywriter for a newspaper was assigned to writs a short piece about an escapee from a mental institution who committed a rape shortly after his escape. The writer handed in a three paragraph piece but the editor told him it was too long. So he trimmed it down to two paragraphs. But again, his editor said to cut it down some more. He worked on it for a while and finally got it down to a half a paragraph. But the editor, who was a stickler for brevity, told him it was still too long. The writer spent the next hour trying to trim every unnecessary word from the article and finaly came up with a version that had only three words.

Nut bolts and screws.

Originally posted by charles1952
reply to post by happykat39

 

Dear happykat39,

I hope you're Catholic. Looking at the suffering you've caused in this thread, you'd better get to Confession if you are. When you're done with that, come back and tell us what your penance was, I'll bet it's a doozy.

With respect,
Charles1952

Nope, not a Catholic. I am a bible believing Christian and I confess directly to God. The last time i did so it was about cutting corners on a job I did for the church. The steeple needed a new paint job so I bid it and won the bid. Unfortunately I seriously underbid the job. In order to keep from losing my shirt on the paint job I used a water based latex paint and thinned it 3 to 1 with water. I figured it would hold up for long enough and since it was way up on the steeple the thinness of the coat wouldn't be noticed. But there was a problem. It rained buckets shortly after I finished and the paint being so thinned out, it was washed off. I felt guilty about it and I prayed to god for guidance to let me know what to do. Suddenly there was a clap of thunder and a huge booming voice came down from the clouds. My prayer was being answered.

He told me to repaint and thin no more.

Bada Bing Bada Boom

Why do I keep reading on???? it's......it's... some kind of masochistic impulse...I must fight it

reply to post by happykat39

You know, the cat in your avatar looks so innocent, gentle and sweet. How did you happen to choose that when you're causing so much anguish? Are you practicing for Super Villian school with a plot to take over the Earth? Or are you just twisted from a traumatic childhood experience?

reply to post by charles1952

Or are you just twisted from a traumatic childhood experience?

In fact, I did have a traumatic childhood experience. When I was ten I found out that other kids I knew were getting an allowance. So I went to my father and asked if I could have one too. He then asked me what I would do to earn an allowance. He told me that if I asked my friends I would find out that they had to do something to earn their allowances or they wouldn't get them. So I told him I would be good. He said that it wasn't enough, if that was all I had to offer I would have to be like him when he was a child and be good for nothing. So I took his advice and you see the result today.