I hate relationships with a passion

Quote:

I'm almost 40. He's almost 57. He's fine with the no sex aspect (and believe me, he is a rare gentleman who doesn't cheat, etc etc). That's a huge reason why I don't really get into relationships or date: everyone wants to cheat or you end up being hurt with a broken heart. Or feeling used etc.

I tried for over a year and some months to give him emotion like he wants and craves. And I know he needs and deserves it. When I hug him, he complains it's more like a 'friend' hug - I really don't know what he's talking about. He says we don't talk enough, but there really isn't anything TO talk about. All he talks about is medical issues, how this is hurting, how that is getting worse, how this is going on, blood pressure, lungs, heart, this that the other. Typical old people talk in other words. Every old person I know over like 55 only talks about medical stuff and being tired and how life used to be. I am NOT looking forward to getting that way myself

Anyway, we have little in common. even his fam noticed in the last 3 years he's gone from happy and awesome to a drag; constantly bitching, depressed etc.


It's also a pretty obvious mismatch in age. And while it works for some, it is doomed to being a one sided relationship and simple caregiver.

reply to post by sarra1833


if you're happy being alone, be alone. being happy alone and taking care of yourself after seeing somebody you find attractive on a tv screen is vastly better than being shackled to somebody who makes you feel worthless for not wanting to be intimate. i can tell just by your posts that you're not worthless. you know and understand yourself pretty well, so 'worthless' isn't applicable. your boyfriend, on the other hand, clearly doesn't understand you or himself. he's the issue, not you. once you get him out of the picture, i'm willing to bet your mental state will improve and you'll be happier, and your son will be happier. your son is picking up on the negativity, for sure.

You know Serra, I dont see NOT having sex is an issue, if you dont need/want it, thats your thing, nothing wrong with that at all.
Some people NEED it in their lives, and as you described yourself, you dont need it at all, and thats great.
I hope you work out the issues with your guy, if not, then they dont. Either way, be happy in YOUR life, dont listen to others on what THEY think you NEED, only YOU can tell you what you NEED or WANT

yeah i only could read up the first two pages of comments, but i agree with the poster way above, you look beautiful.
i'd cosplay for you any day of the week

reply to post by Patriotsrevenge


DING DING DING DING

Why is everyone worried about her looks? if she was butt ugly, would you all feel the same way?

reply to post by Murgatroid


Funny, the crazy person trying to convince us that psychiatry is a fraud. hhmmm

i dont know, i feel attractiveness is important, not just physical beauty...well let me put it this way, if megan fox walked out of the house looking like 4 german guys took a # on her chest, and she left a pet bird to build a nest in her hair, no, i wouldnt touch her, but knowing megan fox, i know shes attractive ,at least on camera, i've met her in person once, shes still hot but not as hot as the media makes her out to be.
just eat psychedelics and go on a spiritual journey with the universe, or put your fears and insecurities in the toilet, flush the crap down, and try something new, you don't seem to have the happiest life, your not complaining how bad your life is or anything, but the main aspects of life, that make a person that much more of not being considered a psychopath, you should take some damn initiative.
maybe you feel like you can't satisfy others, or try masturbating,
the main thing is, the wall you have up, and yes it is a wall because your fueling your defense by socializing on a conspiracy forum, this wall, needs to break down, because its not protecting, its starving the person on the inside. your son is left stranded and your boy friend is being tortured watching.

This OP should make anyone feel good about their lives not being such an abysmal failure/waste. A penny dreaming of doing it with movie stars. Grow up...you arent a teenage girl anymore and they would have zero interest in you physically. Always fun to see how broken some people are and how they attempt to induce attention and sympathy by parading around their defects.

Sorry to say this but you need to let him go.

He is obviously affected by your lack of empathy and emotions and it is beginning to show more and more. Maybe you both thought in the beginning it would work but it is now making changes on your behavior and psyche. Let him go -- he is looking for a companion in his later years, something you don't wish to be. Maybe he is over sharing at times or making things with his health seem even worse just to get a normal reaction out of you, which he craves.

And as far as why it even got to this point... well, it's your life and I wish you happiness however you choose to live it, but I can tell you that from reading all you wrote I wish that in the next 40-50 years of your life you deal with everything that you listed that makes your life less complete. You may say you're happy and everything is just the way you want it, but from your words I can tell that's not true and there could be much happiness ahead.

In any case - let him go... search yourself, you may have a lot of work ahead of you bettering yourself.

Good luck.

reply to post by sarra1833


Aww I get how your son feels...

I'm the odd duck in my family, i feel 80 instead of 20s and that I just can't stand people.

I've been out of the dating scene for a while, but try to work things out with the guy friend.

If he still chooses to talk like a sausage around your kid, do what you have to do. I personally would take your son over the guy.

Boyfriends can be replaced but your kids can't.

reply to post by nixie_nox

The post was for the OP...

I wouldn't waste a second trying to convince someone with NO interest in the truth.

Fortunately the OP and others here actually ARE interested in the truth regardless of how "funny" it may seem to you.

HI Sarra, do you really love this guy? Have you ever been in love?
Not being accusatory here, just wondering.

Maybe you dislike sex because you're doing it wrong....

I had just posted my OP to vent as we're allowed to vent.

Anyway, had a long talk with the boyfriend and he's a gem. I let him know that I was scared to hug too tightly or kiss because in relationships in the past (romantic ones lasting 2 years, 5 years, 4 years, etc) hugs and kisses always led to sex. And back then I would just have sex with my boyfriends because that was what people were to do.

Once he realized my fears and such, he assured me he respects who I am and would never let it amount to doing anything I didn't wish to do. That actually took a ton load off my back and I literally felt my soul smiling. I give him full long hugs now, hold his hand and do kiss him. He is definitely one of a kind. We do not live together, by the way. We WERE roommates from 05 to 08 and then got our own places once we both had moved to southern Illinois; him in 09 and my son and I in '10.

And yes, I always hug my son tightly. Daily. Tell him I love him, and that I'm so glad he's in my life. That boy has never not known hugging. "How were you unable to hug your boyfriend then???" Easy: there is 'nothing that can happen' from hugging ones son. He merely dislikes people because he doesn't agree with all the violence, how teens are so fast to drink and use drugs and want to fit in via clothing, hair, mainstream music, etc. I raised my son with values; to give respect, to have manners, to never treat another human as crap unless they gave darned strong valid reasons NOT to, etc.

My fears of intimacy and emotion definitely didn't cross over to my son. He has been in a long relationship with his girlfriend - though neither have done the deed yet as they both wish to wait for marriage (which is a commendable thing to me yet a shock as I never really raised him in such strict 'Christian like' ideals). But this isn't about him, is it? Nope.

I'm definitely happier now than I was a few days back when I posted my rant/vent here. And since someone asked, I'll answer: no, I get zero feeling from any sex. I am virtually numb inside. I get no feelings from it period. I believe that means I have no 'sexdrive' what so ever - except the times I take care of my own needs of course - but I never feel the need to dive into the sack and get that inner itch sated. I have no inner itch that can be sated. I hate it. I hate it beyond hate - and I never like to use the word 'hate'. Usually 99% of the time it is 'dislike'. But this I hate. Hate hate hate. I wish I was normal. I watch movies (not porns cuz those are SO fake) where the couples get it on and the gal is SO in bliss and screaming out pleasures and so on, and I know I'll NEVER have that ever. Not once. when I have had sex, it was a mockery and spit in my face that no matter who it was, I got nothing out of it. So yeah, that hurts so badly knowing I'll NEVER feel what 'normal' people do. And i have been deeply in love a few times. Where they were my life, my heart beat for them, to the rhythm of their name. And still nothing when we'd sleep together. Nothing.

I know my boyfriend hasn't been with anyone in about seven years. Well, 8 now really. And to be honest, he never slept with anyone since his wife cheated on him and they divorced around 93. He's not the kind who believes in 'getting laid just because of that inner itch.' Even his brothers and sister know he's never been the kind to jump in bed just because. He has to be in a good decent long term 'ship before that even would begin to happen. So yeah, I know I can trust him fully to not sleep with anyone else. When he says he's happy with hugs, kisses and such, the man is not lying nor covering up any truth. Not all men feel the need to 'get it somewhere else'. They are rare indeed but I got lucky to have met him back in 05. his actions this entire time sure speak louder than any words.

We found our medium/middle and we're happy with it. I just wanted to post a post-rant reply here since there was tons of replies to this. Kinda shocked me to be honest. I wasn't expecting this. How a mere rant can cause such replies to come forward, man. wow.

Originally posted by sarra1833
I had just posted my OP to vent as we're allowed to vent.

Anyway, had a long talk with the boyfriend and he's a gem. I let him know that I was scared to hug too tightly or kiss because in relationships in the past (romantic ones lasting 2 years, 5 years, 4 years, etc) hugs and kisses always led to sex. And back then I would just have sex with my boyfriends because that was what people were to do.

Once he realized my fears and such, he assured me he respects who I am and would never let it amount to doing anything I didn't wish to do. That actually took a ton load off my back and I literally felt my soul smiling. I give him full long hugs now, hold his hand and do kiss him. He is definitely one of a kind. We do not live together, by the way. We WERE roommates from 05 to 08 and then got our own places once we both had moved to southern Illinois; him in 09 and my son and I in '10.

And yes, I always hug my son tightly. Daily. Tell him I love him, and that I'm so glad he's in my life. That boy has never not known hugging. "How were you unable to hug your boyfriend then???" Easy: there is 'nothing that can happen' from hugging ones son. He merely dislikes people because he doesn't agree with all the violence, how teens are so fast to drink and use drugs and want to fit in via clothing, hair, mainstream music, etc. I raised my son with values; to give respect, to have manners, to never treat another human as crap unless they gave darned strong valid reasons NOT to, etc.

My fears of intimacy and emotion definitely didn't cross over to my son. He has been in a long relationship with his girlfriend - though neither have done the deed yet as they both wish to wait for marriage (which is a commendable thing to me yet a shock as I never really raised him in such strict 'Christian like' ideals). But this isn't about him, is it? Nope.

I'm definitely happier now than I was a few days back when I posted my rant/vent here. And since someone asked, I'll answer: no, I get zero feeling from any sex. I am virtually numb inside. I get no feelings from it period. I believe that means I have no 'sexdrive' what so ever - except the times I take care of my own needs of course - but I never feel the need to dive into the sack and get that inner itch sated. I have no inner itch that can be sated. I hate it. I hate it beyond hate - and I never like to use the word 'hate'. Usually 99% of the time it is 'dislike'. But this I hate. Hate hate hate. I wish I was normal. I watch movies (not porns cuz those are SO fake) where the couples get it on and the gal is SO in bliss and screaming out pleasures and so on, and I know I'll NEVER have that ever. Not once. when I have had sex, it was a mockery and spit in my face that no matter who it was, I got nothing out of it. So yeah, that hurts so badly knowing I'll NEVER feel what 'normal' people do. And i have been deeply in love a few times. Where they were my life, my heart beat for them, to the rhythm of their name. And still nothing when we'd sleep together. Nothing.

I know my boyfriend hasn't been with anyone in about seven years. Well, 8 now really. And to be honest, he never slept with anyone since his wife cheated on him and they divorced around 93. He's not the kind who believes in 'getting laid just because of that inner itch.' Even his brothers and sister know he's never been the kind to jump in bed just because. He has to be in a good decent long term 'ship before that even would begin to happen. So yeah, I know I can trust him fully to not sleep with anyone else. When he says he's happy with hugs, kisses and such, the man is not lying nor covering up any truth. Not all men feel the need to 'get it somewhere else'. They are rare indeed but I got lucky to have met him back in 05. his actions this entire time sure speak louder than any words.

We found our medium/middle and we're happy with it.

I just wanted to post a post-rant reply here since there was tons of replies to this. Kinda shocked me to be honest. I wasn't expecting this. How a mere rant can cause such replies to come forward, man. wow.

edit on 19-1-2013 by sarra1833 because: (no reason given)

So everything worked out well?

Yes everything worked out well. Thank you so much ^_^