I hate relationships with a passion

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posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 01:50 PM
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reply to post by sarra1833
 


Your title says you hate relationships with a passion. If what you say is true, perhaps you should not have any interpersonal relationships. With your disposition, it is very unlikely to satisfy either you or the person you are in a relationship with.

But somehow, I know that despite your self-professed passionate "hatred" for relationships, you will embark upon them with fully-engaged dysfunction for the extent of your longevity.




posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 01:52 PM
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can't read to lengthy got to the 2nd paragraph and just feel sorry for you...intimacy is wonderful.



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 01:55 PM
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Originally posted by Klassified
After reading your OP, and your posts in this thread, I'm not going to condemn you, or pat you on the back either. It's your life, and your son, do what you will. My agreement or disagreement isn't going to change your mind, or your heart.

But I will say, if you hate relationships, stop having them. Get rid of this bozo, and his guilt trip, and move on. If he knew how you were beforehand, then he has no room to complain. Did he think he was going to change you? Have friendships, and leave it at that.

I wish you the best Sarra, but I have a strong gut feeling you are in for a big surprise down the road a little.



"I have a strong gut feeling...." What do you mean? Good or bad? I'm scared now.



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 01:56 PM
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Originally posted by InTheFlesh1980
reply to post by sarra1833
 


Your title says you hate relationships with a passion. If what you say is true, perhaps you should not have any interpersonal relationships. With your disposition, it is very unlikely to satisfy either you or the person you are in a relationship with.

But somehow, I know that despite your self-professed passionate "hatred" for relationships, you will embark upon them with fully-engaged dysfunction for the extent of your longevity.


Agree full heartedly. If I can find a local Ace like myself, it'd be awesome.
Like I told Des, it's VERY VERY difficult for a sexual person to make things work with an asexual spectrum person.



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 01:57 PM
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reply to post by sarra1833
 


You don't put out but expect this guy to be happy dating you? After a year, no wonder he's stressed...

You may have made that clear from the start but he has needs and you're not fulfilling them.



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 01:58 PM
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Originally posted by boymonkey74
You and me both love
.
Got divorced last year and I was supposed to have a date on Friday (Known her a long time) but her best mate rang me and said she will only go out with me If I have shaved my facial hair off....told her to bugger off then.
So sod it I like yourself don't want to bother now.
BTW what is dogged? in the aspect he dogged your son?
Anyhow apart from your BF problems I hope you are doing ok


I'm not single, but I LOVE facial hair. On men, of course.

Boymonkey, if something ever happens to my husband, I'm going to give you a call....

On topic. OP, I wish I had something helpful to say, but I don't. It sounds like your gentlemen is unhappy with you; and you cannot change for him. Therefore, you should let him go.

If you are uninterested in a relationship, may I ask why you are involved in one? is it just for companionship, or what? Perhaps you should invest in a valued friendship if that's all you need to be happy.
edit on 13-1-2013 by smyleegrl because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 02:02 PM
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Originally posted by sarra1833
Agree full heartedly. If I can find a local Ace like myself, it'd be awesome.
Like I told Des, it's VERY VERY difficult for a sexual person to make things work with an asexual spectrum person.


You misunderstand me. If you truly hate relationships with a passion, you do not belong in ANY relationship, even with someone similar to yourself. Your desire to find a "local Ace" is more of the same, and will result in more emotional destruction until the underlying issues are faced and remedied in some way.

It is unlikely you will find any type of mutually gratifying interpersonal relationship (even an asexual one) until you confront some of your problems. We will leave "problems" as a nebulous term.

By the way, I am not saying this to criticize. We all have problems. I wish you the best of luck!



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 02:11 PM
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reply to post by sarra1833
 


It's a shame really. I think you're pretty hot from your photo. You have nice eyes. I really feel sorry for the guy.



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 02:20 PM
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reply to post by sarra1833
 


yeah i dont know the much about comic cons, but i do know that people love to get dressed up for them and have a great time doing it, and what i was getting at was, that if your asexual, but like to fantizise about movie dudes/chicks and game characters this is the place to go, you can see your favorite characters take human form and you dont have to have sex with them, but it is always a possibility. and if you want you can become the hot character that you most closely identify with. who knows maybe being a character boning another character will make you not feel used, since once you take off the costume it was your character that got boned and not you, and at the very least you get some mental porn for the spank bank



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 02:24 PM
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Originally posted by sarra1833

Originally posted by Klassified
After reading your OP, and your posts in this thread, I'm not going to condemn you, or pat you on the back either. It's your life, and your son, do what you will. My agreement or disagreement isn't going to change your mind, or your heart.

But I will say, if you hate relationships, stop having them. Get rid of this bozo, and his guilt trip, and move on. If he knew how you were beforehand, then he has no room to complain. Did he think he was going to change you? Have friendships, and leave it at that.

I wish you the best Sarra, but I have a strong gut feeling you are in for a big surprise down the road a little.



"I have a strong gut feeling...." What do you mean? Good or bad? I'm scared now.



AHHHH DONT BE SCARED!!! Fear is only a four letter word. None of these guys know what's going to happen, that is for you to find out on your journey.

Obviously, you don't hate relationships, or else, you wouldn't have written this thread or even got into a relationship with your other. Like you said, you just don't know how to be a girlfriend, and he doesn't know how it is being in a relationship with a person as unique as you. Of course it's going to be bumpy, although he had an inkling of how bumpy the road will be, when the bump actually rocks you off your seat, it's a completely different story...

Maybe, he just needs to see and know that you actually care about him? Maybe he needs more of an emotional connection?

The question is, did you ever ask him? Sometimes we can learn a lot by simply asking a question.

Also thought I should share this phrase that another ATS member shared on these forums, and it goes something around the lines of this this:

"Relationships aren't 50/50. They are 100/100."

Find out what's going on in that head of his and tell him whats going in yours.



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 02:31 PM
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Originally posted by InTheFlesh1980

Originally posted by sarra1833
Agree full heartedly. If I can find a local Ace like myself, it'd be awesome.
Like I told Des, it's VERY VERY difficult for a sexual person to make things work with an asexual spectrum person.


You misunderstand me. If you truly hate relationships with a passion, you do not belong in ANY relationship, even with someone similar to yourself. Your desire to find a "local Ace" is more of the same, and will result in more emotional destruction until the underlying issues are faced and remedied in some way.

It is unlikely you will find any type of mutually gratifying interpersonal relationship (even an asexual one) until you confront some of your problems. We will leave "problems" as a nebulous term.

By the way, I am not saying this to criticize. We all have problems. I wish you the best of luck!


I have zero need for sex.
Another ace has zero need for sex.
The companionship two aces have in a relationship is as brilliant as two sexuals have in a relationship.
I obviously can not and should not date sexuals as it won't work. My current bf and I were close tight friends since 05 and he knows how I am but wanted to have me as his. I finally 'broke down' and agreed to give things a try, again after explaining how I am. I guess he thought he could 'fix' me, but you can't fix an orientation.

I know you're not criticizing.
It's hard for normal sexual people to understand the mind of the asexual and those in the asexual spectrum.



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 02:33 PM
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Originally posted by DelayedChristmas

Originally posted by sarra1833

Originally posted by Klassified



AHHHH DONT BE SCARED!!! Fear is only a four letter word. None of these guys know what's going to happen, that is for you to find out on your journey.

Obviously, you don't hate relationships, or else, you wouldn't have written this thread or even got into a relationship with your other. Like you said, you just don't know how to be a girlfriend, and he doesn't know how it is being in a relationship with a person as unique as you. Of course it's going to be bumpy, although he had an inkling of how bumpy the road will be, when the bump actually rocks you off your seat, it's a completely different story...

Maybe, he just needs to see and know that you actually care about him? Maybe he needs more of an emotional connection?

The question is, did you ever ask him? Sometimes we can learn a lot by simply asking a question.

Also thought I should share this phrase that another ATS member shared on these forums, and it goes something around the lines of this this:

"Relationships aren't 50/50. They are 100/100."

Find out what's going on in that head of his and tell him whats going in yours.


I'll try to have another talk with him. Thank you.
I want to show him more that I do care for him and want him happy etc. Now that I know what a true hug entails, I'll start giving those.
Hopefully that will help a lot.



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 02:40 PM
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reply to post by sarra1833
 



i think the reason you are the way you are both sexually and emotionally is because it has something to do with self esteem issues.

hear me out.

what is wrong about consensual sex? technically you aren't being used if you agree to it...your insecurities probably stem from the way you view yourself and you haven't met someone who has told you how beautiful and interesting you are, so instead of putting any effort into any real relationships you simply go in with a "meh" attitude and in return you get a "meh" result from the opposite sex.

im sure you would make one hell of a wife, you seem like the kind of person that someone could sit and talk about random things for hours without getting bored, once you meet someone who can match you, at that point the sex is just a "bonus".

what a waste



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 02:40 PM
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reply to post by sarra1833
 

I have always been one of those people who feels things in their gut. Unfortunately, I haven't always listened, and/or I'd tune it out. But over the past several years, I've gradually learned to listen, and how to listen. When I do, it never steers me wrong.

As I read your OP, and your posts, I had a strong impression of surprise from you at a future date. My impression is the surprise will come from none other than yourself. Good? Bad? I think that will depend on what you do with that upcoming epiphany.

I don't claim to be a psychic, seer, shaman, or anything else of the sort. I just know when my gut is impressing me with something. Do share if you feel comfortable doing so when it manifests.



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 02:45 PM
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Originally posted by k1k1to
reply to post by sarra1833
 



i think the reason you are the way you are both sexually and emotionally is because it has something to do with self esteem issues.

hear me out.

what is wrong about consensual sex? technically you aren't being used if you agree to it...your insecurities probably stem from the way you view yourself and you haven't met someone who has told you how beautiful and interesting you are, so instead of putting any effort into any real relationships you simply go in with a "meh" attitude and in return you get a "meh" result from the opposite sex.

im sure you would make one hell of a wife, you seem like the kind of person that someone could sit and talk about random things for hours without getting bored, once you meet someone who can match you, at that point the sex is just a "bonus".

what a waste



I'll link you to the same site I linked others. I suppose this is a good teaching post if anything:

www.asexuality.org...

However, I define as a Grey A on the asexual spectrum. I'm not fully fully 100% asexual. Yes, we do exist.

This third bullet point is me where I stand in the grey-a spectrum of asexuality:
www.asexuality.org...



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 02:45 PM
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Another advice would be not to overthink or plan way too ahead. I know how you females think and you gals like to plan everything out before coming to a conclusion or sometimes beat a horse dead when something is bothering you. Sometimes, words aren't necessary and a real hug in this instance would show him a lot.

Again, this is all for you to find out on your journey. The advice is solely from my eyes. After hearing the many opinions of others, you will know what to do.
edit on 13-1-2013 by DelayedChristmas because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 02:51 PM
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Originally posted by DelayedChristmas
Another advice would be not to overthink or plan way too ahead. I know how you females think and you gals like to plan everything out before coming to a conclusion or sometimes beat a horse dead when something is bothering you. Sometimes, words aren't necessary and a real hug in this instance would show him a lot.

Again, this is all for you to find out on your journey. The advice is solely from my eyes. After hearing the many opinions of others, you will know what to do.
edit on 13-1-2013 by DelayedChristmas because: (no reason given)


You put it so perfectly. Thank you!



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 02:53 PM
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usually previous abuse or issues about sex hinder gratification



posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 03:02 PM
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reply to post by sarra1833
 


I'm lousy at giving out relationship advice. So I'll just hope you and yours find your centers, regain some balance, and have a good life.




posted on Jan, 13 2013 @ 03:04 PM
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Originally posted by obnoxiouschick
usually previous abuse or issues about sex hinder gratification


If it were that easy. It doesn't apply to me.

Asexuality and the spectrum within are legitimate orientations. We can not 'fix' being asexual just as one can not 'fix' being homo or bi or hetero sexual.

I should start a new topic about Asexuality and the Spectrum. We may be rare, but we DO exist and we just are not sexual people. I think people need to become aware of this sexual orientation. :/





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