First of all, I would like to apologize for making this thread long. It's literally impossible to make it any shorter because these things take a long
time to explain before all the pieces of the puzzle finally come together. I promise you will not regret it.
First I should provide a little background about who I am, so everybody can understand how I came to be the person I am today regarding my path
towards finding God.
Keep in mind, that not everybody takes the same path because there are many different paths one can take if they choose to seek after with all their
heart and might into finding God.
7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one
who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. - Matthew 7:7-8
Up until last year, I've been depressed for the last few years of my life after waking up from living blissfully and ignorantly my whole life not
knowing the real extent of my reality. During this time, I was an hardcore atheist and I'll admit I used to be quite arrogant about my beliefs but I
couldn't have been more wrong.
The reason for being depressed was due to my inability to control my life to be able to live the way I want. Being deaf in my right ear with 80% loss
in the other was a curse. It gave me the ability to see the intentions within others based on how they interact with me thus leading me to understand
the whole concept of 'Ego' in order to explain their actions. I can't quite go into detail about this because this isn't what this thread is about,
even though my understanding of 'ego' is the main reason why I truly believe in God today.
A blind woman once told me, that because of our disability that we would glorify God in the end and now I finally see what she means. It's because of
our disability, that gave us chance to be able to 'see' if we truly tried to see after God and understand the World around us and my God, wasn't she
ever right.
During my depression phase, just before I finally found God; I lived in isolation with my girlfriend and our two year old daughter. I was never able
to hold down a job, because of how people treated me on the job due to their ignorance in order to make themselves feel better and at the time; it got
me into a lot of fights but now I finally understand why people do the things they do and I'm no longer mad and instead I forgive them because they
have yet to see the error of their ways, to see the reality for what it really is.
Eventually my girlfriend left me, we had a lot of problems. We fought a lot, I never paid attention to her and never communicated with her because I
never wanted to tell her how I really felt out of feel that I would be look down upon and seen as pathetic and I was afraid she would leave me because
by trying to find somebody more 'interesting' than me and that's exactly what she did. With everything on my mind at the time, the fact that I was so
depressed because I couldn't give her a normal life that she wanted, to be able to have friends, to go out and what not and the reason why I never did
those things because I saw them as an illusion. Keep in mind, this was before I found God. I was an atheist then and I was arrogant and considered
life to be an illusion and never really cared about maintaining a social life and avoided it because it wasn't worth my time to maintain due to my
lack of control and even if I tried it would have drained a lot of energy out of me making me even worse. During this whole time, I was completely
arrogant and ignorant in a disillusion way thinking I had finally figured everything out but boy was I ever wrong.
After I lost my Daughter, and her Mother; I started to change for the first time in my life and I guess it's probably because for the first time in my
life I finally acknowledged how much they both truly mean to mer and I can't believe it took losing something I truly love to set me on the right path
towards finding God.
I started to appreciate all the little things in life, I started to see the real reality for what it really was and that's when I started to
understand Ego and how it affects us. I saw that people often try to pretend to be something their not in order to feed their ego so they can rise
through social ranks in order to feel better about themselves. When in reality, they are no different or better than an introvert, 'loser', or
anybody else really. Who knows why people are the way they are? Who are we to judge as we have not walked their path, yet people continue to be
judgmental. I begin to see how movies, music, games,facebook, even what we wear plays a role on how people turn out today. It's no wonder, that adults
today seem more childish than ever before, even turning most of them into narcissists, shallow, greedy, selfish, ignorant people. Our Ego is the
reason why people are blind, and it's the reason why we have trouble finding God because my Brothers and Sisters, the Ego is our greatest enemy and
our greatest illusion of all time.
It seems that 'TPTB' as talked about often on ATS just might be real after all. I really do believe there are people behind the curtains pulling the
strings trying to manipulate humanity through social engineering and what not; how major cooperations or companies try to create things to manipulate
us and control us because they are the ones who understand ego more than we do and that's why they are in control of our World today and they try so
hard to keep us dumbed down and ignorant in order to maintain that control so they can satisfy their greed. It is they, who are the true definition of
Satan. I don't believe Satan to be a physical being but rather a metaphor just to get that out of the way. Upon seeing and understanding all of this,
I begin to see the effects of future biblical prophecies being fulfilled that will ultimately brings the end of days according to the Bible. I do
believe that this doesn't have to happen, and that is exactly why nobody knows the time or hour when the day will arrive except for the Father/God.
Here I am today, Happier than ever because I finally found God and by finding him, he has helped me understand why people are the way they are and I
cannot blame people for being ignorant as they have yet to finish their path. But at the same time, I remain depressed because with the knowledge I
have today I cannot do anything with it, even if I wanted too. I don't socialize, I'm introvert, and I often avoid being in situations where I have no
control over. I'm not using a crunch as people have told me all my life, I just don't want to perceive reality for what it is not and make the wrong
assumptions about things that could ultimately get me into a lot of trouble.
The difference between me, and many other deaf and hard of hearing people can be seen when you look into my eyes. Ever look into their eyes? They look
'happy' in a blissful way? But when you look into my eyes, you will see a dark presence lurking on the inside as if I have the eyes of a serial killer
or sociopath.
Truth is, I believe we have the ability to change the future through our Free will if we can just stop these things from taking place and ultimately
waking up from the illusion we currently live in. The Sad thing is, I can't do it on my own and this thread is only the first step towards spreading
the word however I can.
edit on 10-1-2013 by TheProphetMark because: Title
