A major, enormous problem. Have you ever felt like you live without purpose?

Most of you don't know me well, but I'm generally a somewhat intelligent, sometimes angry, artistic freedom fighter.

Alright... so here I am, sitting in high school, here to get my last two credits so I can get my diploma officially. I can't skip through this half-hour long video that my online class wants me to watch, so I'm burning time here, making a thread.

I am so, so tired of feeling lost, like an idiot, preserving myself for something bigger and greater, wasting my life away, day by day, because nothing good enough for my attention has come along yet.

I've gained weight, being so lazy. Not too much, but enough for me to notice. That's not to say I don't still play games with my cousins and brother and sister, playing outside and stuff, but I don't entirely enjoy being outside like I used to. Every time someone wants me to leave the house, my first thought is... ugh, why? What's the point? What difference will it make if I go anywhere or so anything? Can't I just stay home?

Every time I laugh, I feel something awful inside me, something saying what are you laughing for? You're not happy.. You've done nothing with your life. Just shut up.

I want to do something big, regarding to morality, love, humanity, and supporting the whole idea of good. I am pro gun. I hate people who are generally "loose" or just vulgar and disgusting.

No, I will not settle for less than amazing. I need to get out there, and do something astonishing.

I draw, and I write, and it makes me happy, but it doesn't fulfill me. I need to do something for other people, something huge.

Then, when I get big on God, or start listening to Alex Jones again or something, people's acidic, toxic thoughts start seeping into my brain, infecting my beliefs. Grow up, there is no God. Alex Jones is a shill. You're an idiot.

I can't stand it. I am super alternative, the "I don't care what NOBODY thinks about me!" kind of person, but underneath that, I suppose other people's thoughts infect me a lot more than anyone would think.

I can't stand being around computers and televisions. All I can think is, Why am I here? How can I just sit around and play a video game or watch tv when there's so many things that need to be done in the world? I don't want tv anymore. I don't want my playstation anymore. I hate them. They're rotting me.

I've had breakdowns recently, angry, enraged episodes when I'll scream at my loved ones, asking "Why can't you see this? We're all living a facade!!! We do nothing every day!!! Who's lives are going to be saved by working a nine-to-five job at wal mart? Huh??"

I can't take it anymore. I don't want a job, if it's not a job doing something amazing and helping people, righting the world's wrongs and getting out of my pathetic illusion of a life. I won't settle for anything less. No, I won't collect government assistance or EBT as a replacement for getting a job. Why? Because I'm not trash, and I don't need the government. I'd rather starve.

We're moving out of our apartment, with nowhere to go.

I have no reason to wake up in the morning, other than to look at everyone, everything around me, and feel nothing but regret.

Why am I here? What difference would it make if I vanished? What. Am. I. DOING?

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Those feeling consume many people, your post reminds me of the movie Fight Club when Tyler tells him our generation of time has no purpose. "Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy # we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. "

You do know that even If you work in WalMart you can bring happiness to people? Sometimes in life you can make the difference but in a small personal way.
Not everyone is destined for great things and the sooner the young understand that they are not all special the better it will be.
Just be a decent person and try not to hurt anyone and every now and then help someone who needs it.
I feel you have fallen for all the MSN BS telling everyone they are special and they can be anything.
I would post what Tyler durden has to say about this but it would be against T&C.

reply to post by NONPOINT21


Grrrr Tlyer Durden is the man

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Unfortunately for us to feel a renewed sense of purpose we would have to go back to our roots. Society has to collapse and we need to start over, go back 300 years. We need to put to paper an accurate historical account of what is happening right now as to not enslave ourselves again once we start building everything back up again.

I've often wanted to leave everything and go out in the wilderness and live off the land. But I have kids that I love very much and I couldn't do that to them. But if I were to start over with everything I know now. I would probably end up in the wilderness away from everyone and everything.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”

― Henry Ford

Read this quote study it and learn it.

Then focus on the first part and go out and do something.

Volunteer, get a job something. You have all that angst. And I was the same way. Luckily enough my parents got me working and all those thoughts went away.
Helping others who need help might turn your mind around.

The only thing holding you back is yourself.

Bro, you and I are in the same boat...same room. You explained EXACTLY how I feel about life in general. Ever since I have been "awakened" it's has been an up and down rollercoaster. I don't enjoy doing things anymore...It's pointless. I am not fullfilled. It sucks man, I feel you. If you need to talk, U2U me.

Also this screams of Western world problems....we are darn lucky to be able to type what we want (within reason) I think you should travel to a country where kids beg in the street, goto India it will wake you up (more ways than one If you let it).
Be thankful for what you have because we have more than 2/3rds of the world.

reply to post by PurpleVortex


The point in being awakened is to go out and help others.
Otherwise being awakened is useless.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


My problem is, how can I enjoy something that I have no control over? How can I enjoy my life when im made to live it without a choice in the matter? How can a slave enjoy being a slave?

reply to post by smithjustinb

Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

You can't change the world. But you can change yourself.
And in changing yourself the world changes.

Originally posted by grey580
reply to post by PurpleVortex

 

The point in being awakened is to go out and help others.
Otherwise being awakened is useless.

I help others regardless...When I said awakened, I meant to the corrupted world that I live in. I realized how plastic things turned out to be. The government, the tyranny, false flags, the extension they would reach to finalize their goals...It's all been a big shock for me.

You remind me in some respects of my young self and I don't mean to be patronising when I say that. I think it's great that you are idealistic and want to make a difference. You can get a job helping people. These struggles about finding a purpose/ meaning come and go through life but they are really supercharged for those in their teens who are just about to strike out on their own and don't know what they will be yet. I've come to the conclusion you can make a difference, even if your job is nothing special in itself. It sounds like you need a job with a social purpose/ caring role at this point. You need to start somewhere and you can learn a lot about yourself and build your character with jobs that are not very glamorous or high profile. Remember that collectively all of us can make a big difference but be careful who you align yourself with.
If you don't mind me asking , why are you moving out of your apartment with nowhere to go?

reply to post by MrsBeeton


Yup I agree, I used to run pubs and I felt something was missing in my life so I quit and worked in a Mental ward, I now look after old people with dementia sure Iam skint all the time but it has made me happy, I make a difference to my old dears, I know it isn't world changing but It makes me happy and I make my old dears happy in the last few years they have, that's all that matters in this life really.

Originally posted by boymonkey74
You do know that even If you work in WalMart you can bring happiness to people? Sometimes in life you can make the difference but in a small personal way.
Not everyone is destined for great things and the sooner the young understand that they are not all special the better it will be.
Just be a decent person and try not to hurt anyone and every now and then help someone who needs it.
I feel you have fallen for all the MSN BS telling everyone they are special and they can be anything.
I would post what Tyler durden has to say about this but it would be against T&C.

I don't believe that certain people aren't destined for great things, and I never will. To me, that is a cop-out. An excuse for the less wealthy, less popular, less intelligent, or in my case, trapped in an average life, to give up an achieving greatness in life, to stop trying. The "Normal is good enough for me." mindset we all fall into so very often.

Originally posted by MrsBeeton
You remind me in some respects of my young self and I don't mean to be patronising when I say that. I think it's great that you are idealistic and want to make a difference. You can get a job helping people. These struggles about finding a purpose/ meaning come and go through life but they are really supercharged for those in their teens who are just about to strike out on their own and don't know what they will be yet. I've come to the conclusion you can make a difference, even if your job is nothing special in itself. It sounds like you need a job with a social purpose/ caring role at this point. You need to start somewhere and you can learn a lot about yourself and build your character with jobs that are not very glamorous or high profile. Remember that collectively all of us can make a big difference but be careful who you align yourself with.
If you don't mind me asking , why are you moving out of your apartment with nowhere to go?

You're not patronizing in the least, but thank you for considering that possibility. I really love when people are considerate, even in the slightest ways... nobody is ever considerate anymore.

I like everything you said, it makes a lot of sense. I just don't want to pick a big goal, then be drawn off and eventually consumed by smaller things in life, and die before I even scratch the surface of my intentions.

SO!? What's keeping you? Why are you holding back?

It sounds as if you need some sort of external stimulus, something "good enough" to capture your thoughts and imagination. Obviously, you're not mature, you have little imagination, your self-deluded that nothing is worth doing if you can't do or be something amazing.

Amaze yourself. Challenge yourself. Make you own initiative. Set your own standards. Determine your purpose. Look inside yourself - see anything there? What do you see?
What - besides a longing to be and do something, anything that sets you apart from your apathetic behavior?

Either go to the doctor and get a happy pill that makes you feel less antagonistic about yourself - or - get off your butt and actively start to learn and grow up. It's up to you if you want to be a victim.

ganjoa

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Obviously some people are but I think in some point in your life you have to face facts and say "Iam not going to be a rock star/ I will not change the world" and then concentrate on what you can change.
Doesn't make me feel inferior to anyone because we are all cogs in a massive wheel and we are all important.

Originally posted by smithjustinb
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

 

My problem is, how can I enjoy something that I have no control over? How can I enjoy my life when im made to live it without a choice in the matter? How can a slave enjoy being a slave?

Everyone has some level of control over it, but the problem is judging exactly where your limit of control is. Where is the line between what I can and can't control?

And, there are some people who can't see that line.

I think all people should be blind to that line, because people who don't know their limits are always testing them, always trying to mold their own destiny, rather than letting something or someone else decide their fate for them.

Unfortunate for me, I think too much... I always worry, Is it okay for me to think this way? What if I'm just doing what they want? What if I'm playing right into their hands? I can't afford to make a move... I'll do more harm than good... I'll be tricked... they're in my head.

Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't in my head.

reply to post by PurpleVortex


Focus on what you can control, and don't waste energy on the things that you cannot.

Live your life to the fullest.