I am a seeker of truth. At one point of my life, I claimed to believe in God but I didn't really pay attention. Later on, I got interested in different cultures and started to explore different religions. I prayed to god asking to give away my free-will because I was scared and didn't want to go to hell.

Later on, I stopped believing all together, but I still knew that there was something much more and still knew I had a soul. I went on a search looking for spiritual truth and I did learn a lot. I started to believe that Jesus was negative entity and that Yhwh was negative entity especially after nightmares and my way of thinking changed. Others also experienced the same thing, and some even encountered this being an saw something scary.

Later a member on here (I don't remember who - an ATS member) brought it to my attention that some group put "Yahweh" in the bible to trick us to worship him - when the real name of god was "I am that I am" - "ehyeh ashar ehyeh". After doing research on the bible, I found out that things in the bible were also changed! This led to confusion. I was saying negative things about Jesus (although, the word "Christ" never felt negative to me - reminds me of Pure Golden Sparkling Light), but some of the things he supposedly said sounds negative - I believe these were some of the things changed.

Now I think that this was a plan from negative entities all along and that The Father was testing me to see if I would still work with the spirit (compassion - giving) even if I lost faith (Bible because of changes/contradictions and thus Jesus and Father). Now, I believe that you have to look through the bible to find wisdom, you have to SEARCH as things were edited out /changed . I think this is perfect now as it can be an opportunity for Father to test others to see if they would work from "Fear" or "Love" - and to see if they can identify true Christ and true Father words.

Evil show things of the negative and contradiction of the bible to make them lose the WHOLE faith, using truth to their advantage.

I pray and this is what I believe now -was reveal to me. So, I will be humble and say sorry of negative things to Christ in front of everyone here, and also to say, the things I said of contradictions and negatives of the bible is still truth but Holy Spirit is NOT. Do not give up on Spirit (bible says you will KNOW for it is of Peace, Love Joy). That is NOT fake although twisted and changed words me be. I pray if I am on the right spiritual path and I noticed that after that I was GIVING to others and HELPING them more - so i think GIVING is The Way.

Our Father that Art in Heaven - we are in the image of , and if we do not fulfill it , we will be ASHAMED to be in the presence of, and will be in torment/guilt/shame (hell) avoiding Father's light.

If you do not know, pray saying "Heavenly Father" - not in another OTHER name, and ask if you are on the right path and watch if your behavior/perspective change over a few days, but it will be your choice to stay with it or not.

I am convinced the only way out of this mess that our society has created is to LOVE our way out of it. Just like Jesus was telling us to do, love your neighbor as you do yourself. That IS the answer. Think every time you have the opportunity to take one of two paths that you take the love, tolerate and not judge path instead of the hate and hurt each other path. THAT has to be the truth. If enough of us practice it, this all goes away. But first the birthing pains of a world working through it's hate as that is the world we have now.

I have had a period in my life where I felt infinitely happy. Never felt sad, not even if people would swear at me in my face so bad. There was no way humans could make me feel unhappy. There was no way my energy was being drained away, my energy felt infinite. I could handle anything. My positive thinking was endless.
In this period of my life I did not believe nor read the bible. Instead I had faith in this higher being to protect me and guide me and I called it God. I did believe in the commandments as guide lines to reflect on ourselves. I ONLY reflected on my self. I NEVER pointed a finger at someone else because I realized to the greatest extend that I am NOTHING better than someone else. At that time thinking that other people are better or worse, in any sense, or to tell them what to do meant TOTAL DESTRUCTION of my personal spirituality for me.

I have lost this feeling, this state, after only a few weeks. I cannot explain why. It is very vague to me. Like a test, like some kind of carrot trick. Showing me the potential, or at least the finish someday, for trying.

That was around 4-5 years ago and since then I have kept trying to regain it. I have even started thinking that I might've just imagined it all. This feeling of "using words is not needed, its the actions" being silent yet acting in the name of the positive, reflecting on yourself at all times.

Quite quickly after I lost touch with this state I got in contact with satanist cults. With very dark things. Not that the cults would realize the darkness or admit the darkness. At least that is how I felt. I didn't know I was in trouble. I felt powerful and mighty. Things started going wrong in my life.

I decided to try harder and find this "state" of goodness again since I felt like my life was slipping away.
I started praying, asking for help and slowly my life started improving. I tried to practice karma and do good things to receive a good life, as they tell you. In my case it works. At least, it really improved my mood, my mental "health" by doing good things. Especially the little things. Seeing a little kid smile as I helped him in the super market to get to something high up on a shelve.

After all these things in the past years I became very certain that a healthy life, spirituality and physically, is in your own hands. You are the captain on your ship. Thé book, at least some of it, and many other religions, and wisdoms are like lighthouses keeping you from the cliffs. Do you want to take thousand year old wisdom, and experience, to your advantage or not?

I have yet to regain this feeling, this state that I had. But I'm trying. I'll keep trying.

Every night I pray to ... God, I suppose. In my opinion His name does not matter. As long as He is mentioned or thought about in a divine sense. Maybe just as He or His. The capital letter is all that needs to be done to mention him. I think that is the beautiful thing of the One, of Him, of God. As long as you have faith, and the best motivations you can have; you are "covered"

Great thread. S&F for the kind words to your maker and for promoting the spirit of compassion. God loves you, and I love you, brother. Never stop listening for Father's voice, because he will never stop speaking to you. As you learn and as your faith grows, his voice will be heard more clearly. Stay strong, beloved brother.

Originally posted by arpgme
I am a seeker of truth. At one point of my life, I claimed to believe in God but I didn't really pay attention. Later on, I got interested in different cultures and started to explore different religions. I prayed to god asking to give away my free-will because I was scared and didn't want to go to hell.

Later on, I stopped believing all together, but I still knew that there was something much more and still knew I had a soul. I went on a search looking for spiritual truth and I did learn a lot. I started to believe that Jesus was negative entity and that Yhwh was negative entity especially after nightmares and my way of thinking changed. Others also experienced the same thing, and some even encountered this being an saw something scary.

Later a member on here (I don't remember who - an ATS member) brought it to my attention that some group put "Yahweh" in the bible to trick us to worship him - when the real name of god was "I am that I am" - "ehyeh ashar ehyeh". After doing research on the bible, I found out that things in the bible were also changed! This led to confusion. I was saying negative things about Jesus (although, the word "Christ" never felt negative to me - reminds me of Pure Golden Sparkling Light), but some of the things he supposedly said sounds negative - I believe these were some of the things changed.

Now I think that this was a plan from negative entities all along and that The Father was testing me to see if I would still work with the spirit (compassion - giving) even if I lost faith (Bible because of changes/contradictions and thus Jesus and Father). Now, I believe that you have to look through the bible to find wisdom, you have to SEARCH as things were edited out /changed . I think this is perfect now as it can be an opportunity for Father to test others to see if they would work from "Fear" or "Love" - and to see if they can identify true Christ and true Father words.

Evil show things of the negative and contradiction of the bible to make them lose the WHOLE faith, using truth to their advantage.

I pray and this is what I believe now -was reveal to me. So, I will be humble and say sorry of negative things to Christ in front of everyone here, and also to say, the things I said of contradictions and negatives of the bible is still truth but Holy Spirit is NOT. Do not give up on Spirit (bible says you will KNOW for it is of Peace, Love Joy). That is NOT fake although twisted and changed words me be. I pray if I am on the right spiritual path and I noticed that after that I was GIVING to others and HELPING them more - so i think GIVING is The Way.

Our Father that Art in Heaven - we are in the image of , and if we do not fulfill it , we will be ASHAMED to be in the presence of, and will be in torment/guilt/shame (hell) avoiding Father's light.

If you do not know, pray saying "Heavenly Father" - not in another OTHER name, and ask if you are on the right path and watch if your behavior/perspective change over a few days, but it will be your choice to stay with it or not.

I wouldn't necessarily say you were on the wrong path... I would say that you in the present needed the past events to get where you are now. Don't be so hard on yo'self

My faith was tested again by some comments from close minded Christians. I was angry as usual saying "it makes me angry and why would The Father be allowing such individuals to speak in his name!?". I went to lay down in the bed and I asked some questions which was for my personal life which I will not discuss since this is irrelevant to others.

But what is interesting, is that when I started asking questions about The Father, suddenly I blacked out, and Maybe about 10 minutes of time has passed. I didn't have any dream or nothing but it was different from meditation, more like no consciousness (although that may be a wrong word). My first thought was "time to get up, relax and play some games". I forgot that I was even angry because I felt such peace, and laugh a little bit. Maybe the question for The Father was answer and I just do not remember the experience?

What I do know is that I am eager to be of service to others again. I know I will be supported by The Higher Realm when I am serving others.

Just wanted to share this experience for some reason. Hopes it inspire.

I like the way you expressed your contrite heart in the title, and a certain child-like innocence, even though I realize that English isn't your first language.

Good for you! And isn't that when he comes in and comforts us?

Interesting thread, worth the read, but I couldn't help but wonder what exactly made you go back to Christianity at all?

And then, like a bat out of hell...

Originally posted by arpgme
I prayed to god asking to give away my free-will because I was scared and didn't want to go to hell.

Our Father that Art in Heaven - we are in the image of , and if we do not fulfill it , we will be ASHAMED to be in the presence of, and will be in torment/guilt/shame (hell) avoiding Father's light.

Sadistic bribery? That's seriously the basis?

Doesn't seem very healthy to me.

Also, I have to wonder, as an Atheist, if -- by some strange and improbable chance -- when I die there is a Heaven and Hell and I am being judged, who would be seen as more of a good person in their lives:

A) Someone who lives their lives without the acceptance of the idea of a god, simply because there was not enough evidence to subscribe to such an ideal. Someone who found find it rather arrogant to claim to have knowledge of soemthing that he could never possibly actually have any real knowledge of. But, all-in-all, he still tries his best to be a good person and puts others first.

-or-

B) Someone who renounced his faith and then picked it back up again because they "might as well" -- just in case there is a Hell, they had better do it just to be sure.

Which seems more humble? Which seems more selfish?