"Another Day In The LIfe to Your Journey's End" (Lennon, Mc Cartney, Dylan)

Another year!

I gave up smoking for four days, the tobacco that is, as something else I can't talk about is not for sale, lol! (do you know how it feels to have had 30 years of that kind of discrimination in your face day after day? Day after day they say you are a criminal when you are a genuine, gentle, loyal and honest, refined person of high cultural education?). I woke up new year's day after completely ruining my own Christmas with trying to excorcise the evil baccy (yes, John Lennon Sir Walter was a stupid git, lol). It was 4am. Lately, my whole life has no routine (not that I mind because routines quickly do my brain in with roboticism).

So much is on my mind these days. It is hard work being what others call "strange". I should know. I am in my 46th year of that! Have not had a woman in my life for 14 years (long term relationship). Have not slept with a woman for over seven years now. Ladies do like me. I am good looking and all, but the vibe I give off is not that of a guy seeking a relationship. Sometimes I have felt so numb and lonely. Sometimes I feel so free and independent, too.

I manage my sexual desire quite morally. I make no apologies in that I sometimes use soft porn. I am always careful about what masturbating aids I use, lol. It has to be a single mature female just pleasing herself. I kind of figure that the two of us just jacking off is not too big a sin. I have quite a huge sexual appetite, even still and think about it lots, but I have it so well controlled, down to just jacking off once every two or three days. I am very moral and will never pay for sex. Yet, I never made a vow of celibacy and I never asked to have that constant nagging sexual desire with no woman around!

Ok, miserable me goes into a shop to buy some milk 8am new year's day. A lady I know just a little is working in there. She is always really nice to me and I think there could be a bit of attraction as she is so sweet and flirtacious with me. Very nice!!! Though, of course, idiot me could be reading that wrong.

She smokes! She looks great. She tells me she is 49 and smokes like a trooper. Her hair, skin, eyes, figure are very beautiful. She looks like 35. I look very young for my years, too. I, too, was very naughty before, though I have calmed down a bit now in my forties. She seduces me into buying some tobacco! I tell her she is very naughty! "Eve" or what???

It is 5am January 2nd now. I just had my first roll up, laced with the herb I cannot talk about. Nice! I keep thinking about this girl. I feel like a voice is telling me to just go up to that shop this morning and ask her out. Yet it has been so very long. I have no apparent need of a woman in my life apart from the "cuddles" side of thing I guess??? Should I get back on the road of girlfriends?

Women gave me so much misery before I gave them up! Seriously, women were the mash ups in my life. I promise you, ladies, when I tell you that I never cheated on any of my partners before. I never was a cheat. I was not always met with loyalty in return.I must have made some pretty bad choices.

It is strange all of this! I am deliberately mashing up and skitting on this little rant, to make it a bit fresh and creative. If you read my posts before you will know that normally I write in a very disciplined fashion here.

Ok, just needed to fill you in on my current circumstances. I like to tell you how things really are for me. That helps to put you in the picture about others and so you know you are not alone. I do this for you because you do it for me. ON ATS people are so honest and candid about who they are, well some people that is!

Have a great 2013 ATS! Love ya all!!!



(I don't need advice here. No sympathy either. Just sharing with you, guys!)

Well, I don't know what to tell you. But seeing your post and considering your linked music video, here are two more to add to your playlist. One to go with you "taking matters into your own hands" and the other for your lady problems.

Originally posted by TravisBickle451
Well, I don't know what to tell you. But seeing your post and considering your linked music video, here are two more to add to your playlist. One to go with you "taking matters into your own hands" and the other for your lady problems.

Lol! How could ya do that to me! Whattt? Posting videos of sexy Nico! Wow! So beautiful!

Happy new year, man! Thanks for the beautiful videos. The very finest musicians are all here! Great!

I did watch them both, too! Thank you! You know where I am "comin'" from for sure! (No pun intended, or was it?)