Thanks again everybody. Indifference is something I've never been able to fake. Plus, the last few relationships, the last one especially, haven't been good, I seem to attract users, ha ha, but oh well, always darkest before the dawn, right?

Originally posted by dave_welch
Thanks again everybody. Indifference is something I've never been able to fake.

I'm not suggesting you FAKE indifference. I'm suggesting you DEVELOP it. You have to not care because otherwise you appear too anxious. And like the fellow said above, women know within 30 seconds what the deal is, and you could, too, if you would allow it with yourself. In fact, I would guess 5 seconds. It's probably worth a thread by itself why this is so, so I won't belabor it, but you KNOW just by looking, and so does she.

Women are like an investment, and I hesitate to tell other guys to go "all in" right off the bat. Usually they'll waste a bunch of money and get nothing out of it. If you're willing to throw money around, women that are users will gravitate to you.

lol:

that made me laugh, but it's true don't let women use you it's gross, women want a balance between a guy who can be sweet (open doors, pull out chairs) and someone who is not going to be walked all over, the minute she realizes your a door mat then it's all down hill form there. As a women it's always interesting reading guys giving advice to other guys. Also realize that not all women are created equal so try not to compare and of the bad ones you may have encountered in the past to any you may meet in the future!!

Originally posted by dave_welch
I'm not trying to have a pity party, or anything like that. I just need some advice.

When I meet a woman I like, I'm always polite, I open doors, pull out seats, bring flowers. But it always ends up with her saying "I only like you as a friend.". What is with that? For that matter, who leads someone on like that? I don't get it. I'm only doing what I was raised to do, to be a gentleman. What gives? I'm not the best looking or most successful guy, but according to most people that doesn't matter. So, what's the problem? So I don't always try to get in her pants on the first date, now that's unacceptable? Any advice?

Dating should be viewed as an exercise...exercising should never stop with your found love!

Women lovvve attention...meant, in the way that you listen to them, remember what they have said, comment on it...so do you...so if a date is self absorbed to the point of talking over you about herself (or if you do this)...it is apparent there is a problem, and you would not hesitate to relegate them to 'friend zone'.

Women lovvve confidence...not ego driven, macho, look-at-me, I'm speshal (and who were you again) crap...confidence in opinion, confidence in movement, confidence in thought, confidence in interaction...although there is a place for goofiness...

Women lovvve that you notice details...before a date, notice her...mmm...preferences...take a mental note of the small things...and do not forget them!

Don't be a lackey...find a comfortable middle ground...women are capable beings that can and should do some things for themselves in equal dealings...

Don't be pushy...a week between phone calls/texts can seem like a long time...in reality, it ain't...nothing wrong with a little 'hey, how you going, was just thinking about you'...if you get what seems like a brush off too many times, she's either shy, busy or uninterested...nip this in the bud by directly asking if this is so (by phoning or texting)...you may have found a new 'buddy' to go out with (and her friends!!!)...don't be scared to have friends!

Paying, or not paying...if you can only afford your own meal/outing...make this clear!...it definitely won't always be this way if you get to seriously date her...all the same, little gifts (not necessarily bought, i.e. a small flower) are always appreciated...it shows you are thinking of her and her alone...

All strength to your mission...be patient, be self-assured, be wary, be goofy...

A99

Originally posted by dave_welch
I'm not trying to have a pity party, or anything like that. I just need some advice.

When I meet a woman I like, I'm always polite, I open doors, pull out seats, bring flowers. But it always ends up with her saying "I only like you as a friend.". What is with that? For that matter, who leads someone on like that? I don't get it. I'm only doing what I was raised to do, to be a gentleman. What gives? I'm not the best looking or most successful guy, but according to most people that doesn't matter. So, what's the problem? So I don't always try to get in her pants on the first date, now that's unacceptable? Any advice?

let me make an assumption here...

You were raised by mom... right?

Unfortunately... the nice guy approach doesn't work unless you're a movie star...

Don't get me wrong... there is absolutely nothing wrong with chivalry... but its dying... in the past 20-30 years it became "uncool"...

Be the gentleman while staying "aloof"... You have to deal with women you like as if you have no interest in them... show a glimmer of interest once in a while... but too much is just a turn off...

And NEVER tell them or show them you like them until you're already sure you got them...

Sorry bud... nice guys fail miserably...

You can be nice... but it won't get you a date

Women need a man that is proud to be himself.... NOT a man who is eager to please them

I know its messed up... but its true