Question for those of you who are single and 'happy'

I was married for eight years and only because of procrastinating was separated for four years before finalizing divorce in 2010.

I have been without any date or intimacy for going on seven years. I'm 42 years old, look after myself, 5'11, around 240 pounds and lift heavy weights three days per week. Have a full-time job in the public service, a mortgage, my own car.

I'm very shy when it comes to women. I lalways have been. I've written about my experience with 'incel' here.

Just want to ask those of you who are single and happy, how you deal with your celibacy and remain happy?

I'm guessing a lot of people just casually date and have their occasional encounters, but I also anticipate not everyone practises this.

Cheers

reply to post by surrealist

Just want to ask those of you who are single and happy, how you deal with your celibacy and remain happy?

I enjoy waking up without the honey do list or having to meet her dumb superficial friends or having dinner with her idiotic parents on a Sunday afternoon.
That seems to be enough for me.

I love waking up to an empty house with silence...try that with a girlfriend or a wife.
Relationships and women are complicated....being single is easy.

Its a risk vs reward thing.
The rewards are too risky for me to even go down that road.
I am allowed to drink out of the jug of milk in my underwear at midnight without the bitching.
Its a pretty good gig.

reply to post by surrealist

I'm not sure if you assume too much or too little.

One thing I would ponder if I were you...

Why the need to assume that celibacy is equal to lack of intimacy?

Originally posted by NiteNGale2
reply to post by surrealist

 

I'm not sure if you assume too much or too little.

One thing I would ponder if I were you...

Why the need to assume that celibacy is equal to lack of intimacy?

Fair question, I do understand that intimacy is not sexual, I guess I am using the two terms interchangeably and incorrectly. Probably because it stems from not being easily able to connect deeply with people as I'm getting older. I talk to colleagues and fellow gym patrons but don't have any friendships. I guess my problems are broadly more social than just the absence of a partner or casual hook up.

Single and happy doesn't equate to celibacy. You don't have to be in a romantic relationship to have sex with someone.

In my case, I'm happy because I'm more or less self-fulfilled; a relationship is more of an afterthought, and I'd only choose to enter one with a person whose presence I really enjoy.

My days are too busy that I don't have time for anything else. I don't think about it.

Well casual dating is a much better experience for me than relationships. As for time killing, I have my astronomy, which is a very time consuming hobby. Myself, I feel in a relationship things get old quick, I know it's sad to say, but I get bored easy. I'm happier with the vast group of friends I carry. We all hang out in this neat lil fair trade Cafe, play guitar, share stories, read poetry, & the conversations are exactly like being on here, but with faces Single for me! Live, explore, learn, & always interested in hearing a strangers story. Cheers

reply to post by surrealist


I'm single for two years, and I feel a bit bad saying this because I was in a good relationship, but it was a very good decision at the end.

Although it was hard in the first year since I was used to being in a relationship, gradually I found joy being free (which what I wanted to be). Free to go and do as I please, and not have to think or to love or to give attention to one main thing in my life. Not to mention I simply cannot fight or argue, I just cannot hold these energies within me. I let go, and the price of freedom was to let go of her and carry on.

Now i'm happy being alone, haven't been with a single woman ever since, and I find joy in having a peace of mind. I'm relaxed, I don't have any dramas in my life and I don't even need to think about not having dramas in my life, it just happens naturally. I see my friends and their problems with their wives/girlfriends and i'm happy that I don't have to go through some of these unnecessary pity conflicts again. Some people whom are supposed to show love for each other, sometimes display so much hatred for one another it is almost inconceivable.

Not to mention we have been fed of bull# of meeting the second half, or being complete, that is just sheer nonsense. We are perfect the way we are, happiness is realizing that, and stop seeking what we don't have.

Celibacy

Dude your 42, chicks your age must be well up for it

I personally find I get much more "intimacy" when single but thats just from putting myself out there.

You need to find a place with women (I assume your a man) get to chattin and just be honest about what you want, if you want a relationship dont rush it. If your lookin for a cuddle buddy just tell em that.

I used to do the whole "Im looking for a relationship but dont wanna rush it.... so anyway lets fool around and see what happens" not a good idea LOL

Since being honest Ive had less hassles and way more fun.

If your shy maybe try online dating, takes alot of the stress out of the equation

on a break up...

Tyler Durden: Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted.


Thank you Fight Club.

IN harness 34 yrs.......single for 17.
It took a major effort to get out of the relationship....from jail time to pverty to police harrassment...
even bankruptcy....
but ive never been happier......
Woman are a waste of air....they are mostly leeches who affix themselves to a man they think will be able to keep them ...
When the going gets tough , usually the women get going....but not to stick around and help.
The modern woman is a waste of skin.

Originally posted by surrealist
I was married for eight years and only because of procrastinating was separated for four years before finalizing divorce in 2010.

I have been without any date or intimacy for going on seven years. I'm 42 years old, look after myself, 5'11, around 240 pounds and lift heavy weights three days per week. Have a full-time job in the public service, a mortgage, my own car.

I'm very shy when it comes to women. I lalways have been. I've written about my experience with 'incel' here.

Just want to ask those of you who are single and happy, how you deal with your celibacy and remain happy?

I'm guessing a lot of people just casually date and have their occasional encounters, but I also anticipate not everyone practises this.

Cheers

edit on 26-12-2012 by surrealist because: Spelling

Well, you might not like what I have to say but you asked.

I come from a very large family and am one of the youngest of my siblings. I have witnessed the marriage culture of two different generations ; my older siblings marriages as well as my own parents and have decided that marriage is not for me as I am happier alone. There are just some things that I will not put up with. I see the entire set up as oppressive for women even though American culture has programmed most of us into thinking that it's a fair deal for the women when in actuality, it's not.

Women , regardless of generation are always the one to put in more to the deal than the men. It's a 67% 33 % deal. I have been in the workforce for over 20 years and I know that a mans 8 hr shift does not compare to the amount of work his wife does comparably. Whether she is a stay at home or a working mother. Whether she has children or not. The women always puts in more work than the man all the time and is not as appreciated for it as she should be. Our culture has trained women to accept not being appreciated for what we do because it's expected while it demands that we appreciate the men for not doing as much as we do because they work so hard.

There will be a lot of men here and even some women who think I am insulting their acceptance of their status as a married woman who will no doubt tell me I don't know what I'm talking about and that the greatest thing in their life is raising their children and cooking and cleaning up after their "best friend". But, that is their opinion just as this is mine. I wont be mad at their rebuke of me. All I know is that I have seen enough in my own family and among my own friends , coupled with the fact that half of all marriages in America end in divorce to convince me that my opinion of marriage is a valid one.

As for your question on how to deal with being "celibate and alone" or as I like to call it "Healthy and Free", I do just fine. I am a woman so I don't think about sex much at all as it's not something that appeals to me. I do see attractive men and I will admire their features as a masterpiece of creation. I admire their build , their form , their manliness if you will. I certainly notice a beautiful man and I don't hide it from them. Some people are just so attractive they warrant open admiration. But then, I ponder what it would be like if such a man were as awesomely attractive on the inside as he is on the outside and conclude that it is not possible.

And one night stands are out of the question because I see the act of intercourse as a spiritual one and I don't want to connect my spirit to someone who I don't know. There is an exchange that takes place. The two become one and if you don't believe that, look at old married couples and ask yourself why they look alike and act alike ? Because they have connected and combined their spirits to each other. This isn't just a religious truth, just look at the married couples. They are one.

reply to post by surrealist

As a long term celibate male who raised a child on his own, I've been told many times, "You must be lonely."

My reply is always the same, "Lonliness is a state of mind."

I stopped seeing women as possible sexual encounters before I married.. and after my divorce I was able to not go through all the ususal BS people carry on with, and that made it more possible for me to be friends with women.

Now I prefer this state of affairs.. pun intended.

I do not have to answer to anyone for my actions or words, although I do nothing that would offend a partner who has not got 14 tons of emotional baggage. Most of the women I do know and have known in the past do carry such weight and do seem to intend to hurt any male they are with as a type of payback for those that hurt them.

So I prefer to be single and not complicate my life with the expected relationships and the BS that goes with them.

(Last post.. health sliding so I am away for some time.)

I too was married once, been through lots of partnerships (is that the current pc thing to say?) and have never been happier than being on my own.

Naturally I attribute that to the free availability of porn on the internet, and must commend the illuminati for their cunning plan to depopulate the world.

These days I won't even talk to a woman unless to answer 'Yes thanks' if I want fries with my burger. I am so disillusioned these days I won't even bother doing more than eying them up. Bollocks to talking to the evil bitches in a pub.

Yeah, I've been burnt. Like about 9 or 10 times. Got dumped on Christmas day once - AFTER I handed over my presents to her (which she took - bitch)

Aahhh! Doom for the human race if this continues.

Pissed off grumpy man rant /off

reply to post by surrealist


I'm male, middle-late 30s, yada-yada and more yada.

I am single--have been for at least 8, 9 or 10 (I don't recall at this very moment) years. Moreover, I'm comfortable. Maybe not happy in a very strict sense of the word, but comfortable suits me fine. For that matter I sometimes think comfortable is underrated.

In terms of celibacy I've not chosen to abide by any rule or ethic that prohibits me from dating & having fun, be it sexual or otherwise. I realize varied beliefs intervene on such a decision, and to that I have no judgment about what is right or wrong. That said I'm honest & make clear that few things are further from my mind than long-term companionship. Such admission has not always been welcomed among women I'd begun to date, but at the very least I've held to a standard of not being deceptive. In this way I've not, hmm, a woman off in a long time. But if nothing else I don't like to be deceived and extend this same courtesy to others who treat me fairly.

I might meet a woman in the future who makes me feel otherwise. I think, however, I would first need to feel a desire for companionship. Until then I do what I enjoy and mingle. It maybe helps that I'm not particularly shy, too. If anything I will suggest that many women (maybe all women?) are born or develop a strong radar for shyness, which might also be classified as a lack of confidence. So while I'll try not to generalize/gernalise too much here, I have found that quite a few women are not drawn to men who exhibit shyness, regardless what nation they may hail from. But this is a very delicate topic. I'm in no way insinuating that you're unmanly--I'm sure you're all man. But if you quietly ask yourself "How do I pursue a woman I'm attracted to?" then I cordially recommend you strive to repress your feeling of shynes & simply be your happy self. Genuine smiles, interest and eye contact is, I think, the magical elixir. Not always, but when not it is generally obvious.

There is a maxim whose origin I do not know, but believe given the right contextual arrangement : a man does and a woman is. I think it's true anyway.

reply to post by skepticconwatcher




It's not often that a woman leaves me speechless but ....... that was some great insight. Something solid to stand beside my point of view for comparison.

I might add to this later.

reply to post by Taupin Desciple


You know what else ? I just noticed that just about all of us who responded to this thread are Generation Xers. I think it's because most of us grew up alone with both parents out of the home working and we really don't know any other way. This is fascinating. We should all look into this.

I'm gonna come back and check this thread again. I think I may be on to something.

Originally posted by skepticconwatcher
reply to post by Taupin Desciple

 

You know what else ? I just noticed that just about all of us who responded to this thread are Generation Xers. I think it's because most of us grew up alone with both parents out of the home working and we really don't know any other way. This is fascinating. We should all look into this.

I'm gonna come back and check this thread again. I think I may be on to something.

I am generation X, but I had one parent at home.

I am divorced, and now love being single again. Quiet house, no BS superficial narcissistic agenda to impress other people.

Women are great to make babies, but most of them are not grounded today and lack feminine qualities. I am not saying this to be a jerk just an observation.

How can a woman come home from a long day at work and have any nurturing qualities left? Answer very few, this is why we have such a huge disconnect in our society today.

Men and Women doing the same thing and competing in the same arenas, so what is left for the family, or building a stable relationship?

Answer: Not much

Be happy with yourself, find hobbies and social groups, don't rely on one person to make you happy.

A dog gonna do what dog gonna do.

Originally posted by HerbalJunkie

Originally posted by skepticconwatcher
reply to post by Taupin Desciple

 

You know what else ? I just noticed that just about all of us who responded to this thread are Generation Xers. I think it's because most of us grew up alone with both parents out of the home working and we really don't know any other way. This is fascinating. We should all look into this.

I'm gonna come back and check this thread again. I think I may be on to something.

I am generation X, but I had one parent at home.

I am divorced, and now love being single again. Quiet house, no BS superficial narcissistic agenda to impress other people.

Women are great to make babies, but most of them are not grounded today and lack feminine qualities. I am not saying this to be a jerk just an observation.

How can a woman come home from a long day at work and have any nurturing qualities left? Answer very few, this is why we have such a huge disconnect in our society today.

Men and Women doing the same thing and competing in the same arenas, so what is left for the family, or building a stable relationship?

Answer: Not much

Be happy with yourself, find hobbies and social groups, don't rely on one person to make you happy.

As a female - I think this illustrates what is wrong with men - they want a "nurturer". They want their mother.

I do blame women for this as well. Women love on their sons much more than their daughters. It starts young. It's not "women's lib" - its over mothering of boys and training girls to be hard and tough and responsible workers (be it in the home or out.)

Well women are tired of all that. As another poster pointed out, about how much work there is for women compared to men. This is how Feminism came about. We'll take a man's life too - just work by day and then relax. SO much easier.

I'm a sort of a Party Girl who likes to have fun! I am not mean or hurtful to anyone, nor take advantage. There are few men I can stand - most want to turn me into a house wife! NO WAY! I am CF which means Child FREE By Choice. No kids, no Suburban Famblee Lifestyle. That's the worst kind of life, for the boring sheep.

I have lots of education too and have nice work. I work, I relax. I have a nice home and sports cars. No boring junk house in Suburbia with Minivan. Um, NO. I live in the Hipster area and only do fun stuff. I do not wipe no crap and puke off of snot nosed brats. And I can always find plenty of dates in the Gay boys - they love me! And I love them too. We have a ball!

I certainly can get the straight men too - but they all seem to want their Mother

Forget that. Too boring. Too much work.

You know what? - for you men who do want that 'traditional lifestyle'? - you are going to have to STEP UP and 1) make plenty of $$ to afford it, 2) STEP UP in the participation - HELP with the kids, BE involved. You want that? you gotta work for it and at it. And find a woman who wants it. Although they are dwindling because females know the score - it's just too much damn work and there's nothing in it really, for them. You want an eye opener? Read a "Mom's" type forum. They all regret it, the H's / Fathers don't help, there's no money and they don't give the wife no money, it's freaking SLAVERY. The life of a breeding cow. You wanna know why women say NO to this? Go read. Might I suggest "Truu Mom Confessions".

Men wonder why women don't want to marry and have kids? Uh - because it SUCKS.

What kind of life is that? For women OR men? How horribly boring and tedious.

To the OP here - I'm sorry you feel lonely. For the sex part - don't your hands work? You wanna take a Holiday to the US, you come to Chi Town baby! and we'll show you how to PAR TAY! Don't you pine for no boring life - you'll be setting yourself up for the worst misery you've ever known! Read the parenting forums - read 'em and weep! Hell you can see plenty right here - people griping about their Boring Lives - married with kids. Oh also - those people are INSANELY JEALOUS of the single and child free!!! They regret it. Take note. You can see plenty of misery right here.

Hang loose baby! Relax. You got the life. You just don't know it. Oh that's another way to know - go to a grocery store and spend 30 seconds next to a wailing child. You'll wanna castrate yourself! And then you'll be so grateful to be FREE!!!