This year is much different for me.. i went to bed
early tonight because i knew i had to wake up
some time during the middle of the night and finish
wrapping the big presents and get them under the
tree. I was going to wrap them earlier, but they
are much less obvious if just cardboard boxes rather
than fancy wrapping paper, less chance the kids would
notice.. and it worked, they didnt even bat a eye and
the daughter was in the closet with me the other day when
i was digging out the wrapping paper for her. Good thing
kids overlook the obvious.
As i went down the hall, i pulled the kid's door shut most the
way so i would not wake them with the noise or the lights,
and i got to my daughters room and looked in before i closed the
door, and it hit me prity hard.
For me, it's not just missing the ones that were close, the only few
that fit in that category are my aunt and uncle and my dad, (gota
call mom in the morning.). but for me, i miss my kids....
Now being in my mid 40's that sounds a bit odd, but the way
things are going, unless a miracle happens there is a chance
i will not be here next year, but even if i am, the odds of me being
here the year after are about the same as winning the lottery.
I stood there looking at her lil 10 year old face watching her sleep
and wondered how she was going to handle it in a year or so when
i loose this battle. Wondering if she is tough enough to rise above
it and not let it take her to far down.
We had parent teachers conference last year, and to our surprise she
was going way down on her grades, D's and C's and a few F's, this
from a gir who was getting all A's. As we talked to the teacher and
were looking over the charts of daily grades, things clicked in my head
and i could not help it, tears started falling. I had my Dr apt on a Friday,
and that weekend we told the kids what was going on, but tryed to keep
it light not to worry or upset them to much yet. The following Monday
was when her grades started going down hill. Its hard to accept that you
are the reason your child is failing.
My son, he will be ok, he is 13, it will be rough on him, but i have no doubts
he will pull though and carry on.
So for me, its a very weird Christmas, our first one knowing, and i
definitely look at things diffidently, a bit sad, a bit scared and a bit
I hope everyone here has a great christmas and take a moment to
remember loved one's past, but more importantly, enjoy the ones
you are with now, we never know whats ahead, and no one is promised
edit on 25-12-2012 by severdsoul because: (no reason given)