If you are alone this Christmas....

reply to post by BubbaJoe


I too have lost all my grandparents. My last living grandfather passed away five years ago...wow time flies. My parents are aging and dying, I've had health issues and it seems this year - this Christmas was hard on many people. A lot of people just weren't into Christmas either (myself included).

HUGS to all of you.

Hi Everyone, Happy Holidays.

I was with my partner and Daughter this Xmas and it was beautfiul to watch my Daughter opening presents. She is 2 1/2 and was excited about it all for the first time; it was awesome watching her eyes light up.

However, though my partner was with me I FELT LONELY ALL CHRISTMAS.

When I talk she is always miles off and if I talk with her about it she shrugs it off refusing to deal with anything of any emotion. I am so tired of having my feelings rejected out of hand, and soooo bored of feeling LONELY.
It’s so bad that I have stated to question myself, reasoning that it must be because I am boring. The problem is that I know I’m not and I have never had that problem before with anyone. No one else in my life seems to turn off as soon as I get excited about something. She has so much time and energy for the kids and so our joint energy with them is off the charts but the second the house quietens for the night, or there is any down time at all, she switches off and refuses me any kind of audience.

I know she loves me and I do her, but, I feel neglected in favour of giving the kids everything and I don’t think that I healthy. It seems to me that solid parents, with time and love for each other above everything else, would be the very best example, and that in itself creates an environment of happiness, but for the parents also, not just the kids. Plus, with stress relief in each other and dealing with stuff together, everything would be that much easier as a result it seems.

Instead she has chosen the less emotionally taxing (but way more physically draining I think), tactic of ignoring “US”, with total focus on making the world go round for the kids. While that is indeed physically draining, the kids provide emotional issues such as declaring their dislike of dinner or having a bath. Putting “US” near the top of the “to do” list would mean emotion, and she seems to be almost running now from anything emotionally taxing, or positive for that matter, in favour of her damn routines. We have no intimacy, compassion or feelings of worth as they are all born from embracing love. Emotions are vital to everyone, I am not a bad person for saying, or feeling, that.

When your Mother Skype’s at 10pm on Xmas day from the other side of the world, and the hour spent talking with her was the most connected to another person you felt all day, there is a REAL BIG problem.

No idea how to approach this anymore at all. LONELY, LONELY, LONELY, LONELY, LONELY.

Oh well, to all those who spent Xmas alone, if you are connected with SELF it doesn't have to mean feeling LONELY. Being ALONE can be liberating and peaceful, assisting recovery from the stresses of life. It certainly does not have to equate to being LONELY. That’s what I think anyway.

In the same breath, quite perversely, being IN THE COMPANY of someone can prove very LONELY even if, many moons ago, their companionship was to be in the constant presence of a second, better version, of you. Ugh, that was hard to write. Oh well,

Happy Holidays Everyone.

reply to post by kaptabs


i can't speak for your wife, I can only tell you how it looks from my own life experience. Your wife sounds like a great mother and that's what she is now. When you bring children into the world it's the biggest responsibility you will ever have and you must put them first always.

looking after children and all the other work involved can really wear you out and leave you with no energy for your husband. My other half was like having an extra but more demanding overgrown kid to look after so he had to go. I'm telling you this so you will understand where it could end, it's up to you to decide if this is the case with your life.

Working with her as a team, helping her with the chores and putting her first sometimes might be all it takes, but I don't know what's in her head so I could be wrong. Good luck to you,I hope it turns out well.

Now back to Christmas, it's over now and this time next week it will be a new year so I wish you all happier times for next year and thank you for this thread to help us all through it, it was just perfect.

Originally posted by shrevegal
reply to post by MrWendal

 

Hi MrWendal, I hope it isn't off topic or against rules for me to stop by and say hi to a fellow Louisianian. I live in Shreveport...had horrible, scary severe thunderstorms all night and some today so no company traveling here to my house today. Anyways, stay safe, warm, happy and well and happy holiday and the best year ever for you! Blessings. ^j^

Well thank you. We had storms down here as well on Xmas eve and Xmas day. They did not last too long but they were some strong storms. I hope you have a great holiday and an even better New Year.

Originally posted by NewAgeMan
reply to post by YourOtherSelf

 

I really love your avatar, is reminds me of me in terms of what I was trying to achieve with mine!

Your use of the word equanimous as an anagram was wonderful I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Someone earlier in this thread said they cried a little bit, and so too have I, just a little bit, and what comes to me is this passage, which I think belongs here in this thread.


"Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted."

No one's really ALONE especially not with the type of people here in this thread expressing their love and encouragement.

Cheers,

NAM

I am in the process of putting a Santa hat on the lil fella in my avatar.

Something I just noticed from my reply the other night..

I received an applause for the reply post to you. I am not 100% what an applause is? The thing that really caught my attention is this applause came at 11:11 am. We were just speaking of synchronicity in our exchanges etc so I found that to be interesting.

I am not sure what time the applause actually came in though.

The time on my computer is all jacked up.

I wanted to ask the Mod who gave me the applause if he knows what time it was (roughly) in his time zone. The thing is speaking directly with Mods make me nervous for some reason!

I know this is a silly feeling to have, please forgive me Moderators?

It's not you it's me :shk:

I am going to save this "applause" in my inbox.

Applause!
FORUM STAFF - 25-12-2012 @ 11:11 AM

reply to post by aspiechick


Will go ahead with your idea, good idea about the grand kid. (Maybe us being here and questioning it, did help stave it off) us minds gathered together.)

Good to know you have other pets. I guess there's a reason for everything. I still miss my cat had back home. He came to us as an adult cat and we had him for eight years. My friend still misses her English Springer Spaniel, and also a yorkie mix and lasha apso mixed, that's been over 20. I think its safe to say we'll always miss our pets almost as much as we miss our departed loved ones.

I sure am hoping for a better year this time around for everyone who has had a bad 2012, even those who didn't, have a bad year.

reply to post by YourOtherSelf


No idea what time it was LOL. - could have been any time yesterday as I was dropping on and off the PC.

You might be able to figure it out from this though - here in the UK right now its 19.25 as I type this.

And don't be scared - the staff don't bite

reply to post by neformore


My mom died suddenly and without warning when I was in college, I spent that Christmas alone and it was terrible.

reply to post by neformore


The universe has an ironic sense of humor sometimes.

After my post here I now need to speak directly with a moderator about a problem I am having uploading images.

I do not wish to stray to far from the topic at hand.

I am curious if I may request you to handle this issue?

Originally posted by Ahabstar
Last year, I spent the day alone. Few online that I wanted anything to do with and was a little strapped for cash. And after sitting around all day, I decided around 8pm that I was hungry. Drove around a bit and nothing in town was open, so I drove down to Hamilton. Again nothing of interest was open except a gas station, of which I needed to partake just for the gas. After walking in, I was blessed by not seeing any roller dogs on the rollers as someone had them earlier.

A bit more driving and I found a Gold Star Chili that was open. Looking around the place, there were some younger people working, the oldest may have been 28. All of them women and all of them brunette, which was odd as there are plenty of bleach bottle blondes (that act a little trashy) to be found in Hamilton. But despite looking tired and a little upset that they were working a minimum wage job on Christmas night serving we poor dregs of society that had nothing better to do than to venture out in the cold on Christmas, thus forcing someone to work for our inability/desire/foresight to have food to cook for ourselves.

Myself, I had a three way (which is Cincinnati-speak for chili spaghetti with cheese) regretting that I could have had a steak dinner with extended family because I just didn't feel like getting out earlier that day. The meal was good and the service was excellent. And despite only having a bill of $9, I told her to keep the change from my last $20 as I was thankful they were open...and payday was coming soon enough.

But that was last year....this year I had planned to drive up and visit Mom and Dad, my sister and brother-in-law and their three boys for the first time in years. That trip was cancelled this morning after hearing about the coming snowstorm that will arrive later tonight. With freezing rain and a forecast of 7-10 inches of snow, the Mustang is only good for wrapping around a tree. So, time to dig through the record collection and play a little Prince:

You know, the poem I posted earlier in this thread made me think of YOU when I found it.

For me I was surrounded by people, but sometimes feel alone. As usual. They all rush and hurry.. I am usually a holiday junkie... but let the kids decorate the tree ( and pick it out .. a PURPLE one.. ffs! Wait till you see the pics Ahab, its a riot! )and I declined invitations and etc. I felt like making it a lonely xmas this yr.. and it was good. Just me, the husband and the kids... and various critters.. we centered on each other. It was good. I didnt get on the internet, turned off the cells... and we just enjoyed each others company. ( Also, I can do without EVER playing the game "life"... ever.. again! ) WIth the rush of things sometimes you neglect to connect with even those close to you. It seems like for whatever reason, we were all on the same page of wanting to connect with each other. Later in the day we did our family "go out and volunteer thing"... which was good. An cold. The dog ( that damned hairless monstrosity in a santa sweater.. ) pissed the xmas presents.. and maybe a little of the tree too.. but that was good too. I thanked whatever is out there.. be it God or whatever.. that he is only 8 lbs and his bladder is small...

Something was different about this xmas season. I cant put my finger on it... but it felt different. Im hoping thats a good sign as well. Maybe it was just me! ]I hope you had a wonderful xmas Ahab, I thought of all the people that Ive connected with recently.. youre counted among the wonderful ones. just being YOU.

reply to post by YourOtherSelf


Only just seen this. Drop me - or any staff member - a U2U and we'll see what we can do, rather than go off topic here.

My mother and father both passed away in 2005, with 5 months between them.

2007, owing to "personal problems" caused by testicular cancer, my partner decided that the relationship had reached its conclusion and decided to "move on". You can probably guess what I mean by "personal problems".

After that, 2007 .. 2012 have all been spent alone, with my so-called family not even sending Christmas cards, despite me sending them one, every year.

I used to love Christmas, and all that it represented, spending time with loved ones, with family, now, sadly, I hate it, because of what it represents, spending time with loved ones, with family, who are now gone. Its not just the physical lonliness, but the lonliness within my own heart. It hurts.

I don't honestly know why I posted this, I guess I needed to vent, and this seemed the best place.

Thanks for listening.

Originally posted by BMorris

After that, 2007 .. 2012 have all been spent alone, with my so-called family not even sending Christmas cards, despite me sending them one, every year.

Think of my star for you as a belated, virtual Christmas hug!

I really feel for you. I'm a loner, but my OH is not... and it breaks his heart each Christmas (and his birthdays) when he doesn't hear from his family... In the 12 years we've been together I think his youngest brother has called once (I'm pretty certain he wanted money), his sister 2-3 times (after he's left messages) and his eldest brother has never initiated contact.

I tried in the beginning... first 4-5 years... sending them Christmas cards and presents... in the hope my OH would get a return favour... but alas, no such thing ever materialised. I gave up. They weren't worth neither my time nor my effort.

You've been alone over Christmas for so long! Have you thought of volunteering somewhere for Christmas? That way you wouldn't spend Christmas time alone, nor would you have time to waste thinking of your useless relatives! And who knows... you might even meet someone whom you'll share Christmas with in the future.... you never know... aaaaaaaand - a bonus would be if their family welcomes you into their hearts too (OH always gets gifts and cards from my side of the family).

reply to post by BMorris


If you're alone next Christmas come and spend the day on ATS with us. I've been reading this thread every year even though I only joined as a member this year, it can help to get you through the day.

I hope the cancer problem got sorted, not everyone is into that side of relationships so don't give up hope. Now you know if I understood "personal problems" or not.
Wishing you some happier times in the years to come.

I think anyone spending time at christmas alone is very sad indeed.

If anyone knows anyone like this please invite them to your arrangements if you can.

My parents have done this for years.

Very nice thread and I wish I could have been reading this on Christmas, but I did not have access to internet where I was. The first half of the day I was with family and friends, the rest of the night I was alone. It sucked worse than I thought it would. I was unable to see my fiance this year for Christmas due to a long distance relationship combined with his work schedule. It really bummed me out, but we had a really nice new years together and got to exchange then, so it had a happy ending because we had our own little Christmas.

I'll def remember to check for this thread next year :-)

I was looking for a thank gosh it's almost over thread like I did last year.



It is lonely for me even though I have to be with people.
I always start the season with 'oh, I can do this. it's for the kids'
then a few days before Christmas it hits me. I miss my husband terribly.
then I have to do the darn family dinner thing, always an unpleasant experience. not much cheer in my 'family' this year. The boxed dinner did not exactly exceed expectations. and even though I'm in my 50's now my stepfather once again made me shed tears on Christmas. He is just such an unpleasant man.
So I'm back to the safety of my farm and the un-yielding love of my animals.
I'm thinking next year I"m just going to do my own thing. you know, hang out on ats, cook a turkey for me and the dogs, make some cooked oats for the horses.
Merry Christmas ATS friends

a reply to: horseplay

I am totally with you. We're the same age & I stayed here on
the farm to spend Christmas & Holidays with my animals. My
first Border Collie is now over 14 yrs & has cancer so i will be
lucky to have him for another month. He is & has been my closest
companion & even though I had 2 invites I turned them down
because my animals are my family & he means so much to me.

So I grilled an awesome dinner for us all....you would have thought
a party of 10 to 15 would be showing up...lol! But I will freeze the
left over smoked venison...lamb already eaten yesterday.
It's nice to not have to rush around & just enjoy what you have.

Cheers
Ektar

a reply to: Ektar

oh you are spot on, Ektar. I'm thinking the holidays going forward are going to be different.

My heart goes out to you and your border collie. I just got my first BC last year and she is my love and my life. Such a good hearted lovely creature. She really is my life now.

blessings to you and yours...

New thread for this year. Merry Christmas everyone.