Would've...Could've...Should've = Free Will choices We regret

I would've done it differently. I could've done it differently. I should've done it differently.

How many times have you said this to yourself?

Each of these phrases are uttered after the result. They are all past tensed.


I would do it this way. I could do it this way. I should do it this way.

These were the pretense to the past tense.

I will...I can...I might.

Any time we have a decision to make...we have different reasoning before and after.

Sometimes the result is not what we wanted, so we question the decision process.

Was there a better way to do this?

There are expectations attached to each decision.

Who has those expectations? Are they reasonable? If your choice was different, would that change the expectations? If the expectations were different, would your choice have been different?

One of the key's to any decision is taking the time to see all the possibilities before you make them, accepting the results to those decisions and learning the lesson intended behind each.

No decision is without merit. They all have a benefit. If the result is not the one you hoped for, the lesson is not lost.

What caused you to make the choice you did?

The intended result?

When you get lemons instead of cherries, make lemonade, right?

The decisions we make don't always affect just us though; we have others that can be affected.

We don't have a reverse button so we have to live with the choices we do make.

What is the only way to do that?

Accept the consequences for what they are. They were your choice; you own them and it is your responsibility to recognize that.

If the intended result occurs the same applies, right?

We do not always allow for unintended results to have benefit.

I have many instances in my life where I had expectations that were not met or were in fact exceeded. Who is responsible for my expectations? Me and only me. Who is responsible for how I deal with those consequences? Me and only me.

What is positive and what is negative?

What we perceive as one or the other usually falls along the lines of how it benefits us or impacts us according to our own expectations.

I believe that every decision has equal consequences. There is a lesson to learn from both sides of the equation.

I would be capable of providing many examples, but the message is clear to me.

Expectations are not always met. Decisions made have benefit. You are the reason for how and why and what.

BAW33

I have alot of these lol, most of them are about wether I get sex or not

And most of the time I made the wrong decisions and still regret them.

Sometimes I imagine how cool it would be to wake up as an 18 year old again and all this has been a really vivid dream haha. Imagine if that actually happened lol, but I guess most people wish for this aswell.

The problem is as simple yet complex as that old Nike commercial 'Just Do It'...

Do I agree with you sure.

But to 'Just do It'...

Wow...

One of the key's to any decision is taking the time to see all the possibilities before you make them, accepting the results to those decisions and learning the lesson intended behind each. No decision is without merit. They all have a benefit. If the result is not the one you hoped for, the lesson is not lost.

Very true. For me personally, shoulda, woulda and coulda, are words I try to avoid. If I do the work as you have said above, then "oh well", if it does not turn out as I had hoped or worse, if it blows up in my face, which happens, We do the best we can with what we have, and we do not have enough information before we decide. In general I may be eviscerated, but I will follow my heart. Learning from mistakes is the best kind of learning, painful, but effective. Having regrets is a waste of time.

Lately I have been asking myself these same questions.... I keep thinking that if I would have done one or two things differently, my life could be so different and I wouldn't be in pain right now, but I will never know now will I?

I view regret as a disease to some people. I know a guy who lives in the past and always regrets his past decisions and the regret does nothing but make him worse and he continues to make the wrong decisions.

He asked me how I handle bad past decisions and I told him my "f#$k it" mentality. I just keep moving forward and learn not to do it again but I'll be damned if I sit around and let my past rent space in my head like he does.

It doesn't matter if you would've, could've, or should've, the bottom line is you didn't. There has been past decisions I regretted and come to find out it was for the better down the road. It actually was a good decision that I just didn't see coming ahead of time. For example: Years ago I thought this one girl was the one, then I met my wife and realized I was blinded by lust the whole time when my wife showed me what love really was.

Do not let your past control your future. Learn from it then move on. Adopt the "f#$k it" mentality and always move forward. You won't find the answers in the past. They simply aren't there.

reply to post by BrokenAngelWings33


All mine have to do with girls I should have gone out with, or.....ect. Everything else in my life I needed to happen to become me.

I was WAY too much of a fem. I grew up in an almost all female house. One of which was a raging feminist.

I really needed a brother. LOL (which my friends became. I avoided people like me and hung out with my opposites which was awesome. Hunting, fighting, drinking ect. It is a good thing too, I would have ended up in drama club reading poetry to weirdos on the weekends.)

Although I did avoid all STDs and only dated quality girls, everything in retrospect looks better with some changes.

I guess I met some great people who taught me ALLOT about love and life and avoided shallow people, but those shallow people were really hot. The quality girls were very attractive too, but the shallow girls only focused on their bodies, so I am still undecided as to what would have been better for a hormonal teen......LOL

I don’t care though. I am married now and I wouldn’t risk changing anything if it meant I might not marry my wife and have my kid. I did ok. MY wife is a looker and my kid is freaking awesome.

I love my life, even the terrible things that happened to me. I trust me and like me.

self high five......

reply to post by BrokenAngelWings33
I try my best not to dwell on decisions of the past, whether they turned out to be the right decision or the wrong one. Long ago I made the choice to accept that every decision I have made in my life- good or bad- has taught me things and helped to shape the person that I am. Even if it were possible I would not change a single thing, because I like me just the way I am!

Merry Christmas BAW33!

Originally posted by Starwise
Lately I have been asking myself these same questions.... I keep thinking that if I would have done one or two things differently, my life could be so different and I wouldn't be in pain right now, but I will never know now will I?

Pain is one of the lessons I am talking about, It is not possible to reverse your situation. It is only for you to understand that we have a reason for being. It would not matter that you made different decisions because you still would have to learn pain, emotional and physical in order to have a complete understanding of what being without pain is. You can not have one without the other. I would ask you to accept your pain for what it is so that you can move past it. Otherwise regret will only deter your progress as a soul.

BAW33

Originally posted by Idonthaveabeard
I have alot of these lol, most of them are about wether I get sex or not

And most of the time I made the wrong decisions and still regret them.

Sometimes I imagine how cool it would be to wake up as an 18 year old again and all this has been a really vivid dream haha. Imagine if that actually happened lol, but I guess most people wish for this aswell.

I am sure your parents have the same thought from time to time. If only they didn't have that one night of drunken stupor sex...oh well consequences of their actions.

Originally posted by silo13
The problem is as simple yet complex as that old Nike commercial 'Just Do It'...

Do I agree with you sure.

But to 'Just do It'...

Wow...

Really it is only complex because we make it complex by constantly second guessing our decisions. The Nike commercial was more about not placing limitations on your aspirations. Just do it still requires thought and the consequences are still controlled by expectations. Not taking a chance for fear of failure is what that commercial was about. Even failure has rewards though and that is where the second guessing comes in. Accepting failure is not complex.

Originally posted by Iamschist

One of the key's to any decision is taking the time to see all the possibilities before you make them, accepting the results to those decisions and learning the lesson intended behind each. No decision is without merit. They all have a benefit. If the result is not the one you hoped for, the lesson is not lost.

Very true. For me personally, shoulda, woulda and coulda, are words I try to avoid. If I do the work as you have said above, then "oh well", if it does not turn out as I had hoped or worse, if it blows up in my face, which happens,

We do the best we can with what we have, and we do not have enough information before we decide. In general I may be eviscerated, but I will follow my heart. Learning from mistakes is the best kind of learning, painful, but effective.

Having regrets is a waste of time.

edit on 24-12-2012 by Iamschist because: (no reason given)

Guess what even having regrets has a lesson in it. It helps us to focus better on the next decision making process. Don't regret regret. In other words don't beat yourself up for it. Find the positive in every negative and turn that regret in to a lesson learned.

reply to post by zedVSzardoz


That "EYE" thing you have going is very disconcerting and I'm sure you have it for just that purpose. I am glad you are comfortable in your life at the moment. What ever choices you did make to lead this point most definitely contributed to who you are, as do the ones you have yet to make. Hopefully, you have managed to realize that your future you has some humbling to do. Things change in the blink of an "EYE" and it is best to be prepared rather than caught off guard.

reply to post by TheLieWeLive


I agree regret to a degree can be debilitating, however, disease is a strong word. I would regret not pointing that out to you. Focusing on failure is never good, but what can you take from the experience that allows you to feel better about what choices you did make. Sometimes it is necessary to regret your choices in order do that. Regretting all the choices in your life is not healthy for anyone and it often leads to other decisions that end with regret or finality for this world and regret for the next. The lessons we need to learn do not come without regret, it is how you handle it that makes the difference.

Do not let your past control your future. Learn from it then move on. Adopt the "f#$k it" mentality and always move forward. You won't find the answers in the past. They simply aren't there.

You are right about not letting your past control you, but I feel you are mistaken to think that the answers are not. Experience is the teacher of the future. Without your past you would not have knowledge to draw from.
The "f" it mentality is not healthy either. It allows you to make decisions without thinking of the consequences.

Good post OP.

To sum it up, it is all about personal responsibility, something many if not all of us lack. We often take the easy way out and blame others for the mistakes we make, to comfort and console ourselves, but in the end, we end up being delusional and never confronting our own errors, learning from it and would only continue to blunder on and on.

Some claim that there are situations that are out of our control, and even humanity's control. To a certain extent, I agree, simply because alone, we have no power to change anything even if we have the power to change ourselves.

However, no human is born out of a rock. We have families, relatives and friends and when you and I combine, makes up our society, and often it is society that rules, and not from a single human, one way or another.

As for situations that are way out of humanity's control, for the religious faithfuls, there is the true power of prayers. For atheists and all, there is something call adaptability - a common trait of all resiliant humanity for millenia, to survive.

Thus changing ourselves and our diverse world upon common grounds to survive, progress, evolve, find peace and co-exist, begins with ourselves. There is no excuse, because we all have been given free will with this gift of life.

If life sucks, we have only ourselves to blame for not trying to reach out harder to others - to change them or be changed if we had been wrong in our perceptions.

If life is great, give ourselves and others a pat on the back, for no mortal could have done it alone, as no man is an island..

Originally posted by littled16
reply to post by BrokenAngelWings33

 

I try my best not to dwell on decisions of the past, whether they turned out to be the right decision or the wrong one. Long ago I made the choice to accept that every decision I have made in my life- good or bad- has taught me things and helped to shape the person that I am. Even if it were possible I would not change a single thing, because I like me just the way I am!

Merry Christmas BAW33!

Thanks Lt16cat. I am glad you stopped by. I like you mostly. LOL. You have a good head on your shoulders when you are not busy being cynical and grouchy. All decisions in life have the capability of teaching us a valuable lesson, some more than one time in order to reinforce what we already think we learned. I like your attitude though.

BAW33

Originally posted by BrokenAngelWings33
reply to post by TheLieWeLive

 

I agree regret to a degree can be debilitating, however, disease is a strong word. I would regret not pointing that out to you. Focusing on failure is never good, but what can you take from the experience that allows you to feel better about what choices you did make. Sometimes it is necessary to regret your choices in order do that. Regretting all the choices in your life is not healthy for anyone and it often leads to other decisions that end with regret or finality for this world and regret for the next. The lessons we need to learn do not come without regret, it is how you handle it that makes the difference.

Do not let your past control your future. Learn from it then move on. Adopt the "f#$k it" mentality and always move forward. You won't find the answers in the past. They simply aren't there.

You are right about not letting your past control you, but I feel you are mistaken to think that the answers are not. Experience is the teacher of the future. Without your past you would not have knowledge to draw from.
The "f" it mentality is not healthy either. It allows you to make decisions without thinking of the consequences.

edit on 12/24/2012 by BrokenAngelWings33 because: (no reason given)

I understand what you are saying but it's a slippery slope. If you allow the past to draw conclusions to the future then you may find yourself focusing to much on the past.
This guy I was referencing to lives in the past. To him It is a disease. He allows regret to eat away at him. Everyday he would express a regret. He could suck the good times right out of the air and exhale regret and how he should have done this or that. The "f" it mentality is what he needed.

I'm sure there are scenarios we could think of that this wouldn't be the best method but for the most part people need to learn to let go.

Forgetting isn't what I was implying. You can't learn from something you don't even want to recall but you can refuse to let it drag you down. Therefore I say "F' it.

It works for me, but I do understand that many don't think like I do and can't just let it go. This guy I'm referencing to can't let it go. I learned this after many, many conversations with him. It's sad really. It's not like anyone died and he couldn't get over it. It was regrets on his love life or the car he bought or the house he sold and moved. He even regrets regretting.

We nicknamed him Eeyore, from Winnie the Pooh, if that tells you anything.

reply to post by TheLieWeLive



espn.go.com...

“Experience can be a really positive thing,” Garrett said. “It doesn’t always have to be a positive thing. Sometimes it can be a bad experience when you didn’t get the job done and hopefully you can learn from what happened, what you did or didn’t do in that situation and go forward. We have a lot of different football players than we had over the last four or five years. We know that. Every year is a new team but there have been some guys who were in those games as players and coaches and hopefully we can benefit from those experiences.”

Since I am a huge Cowboy fan, I will quote coach Garrett.

reply to post by BrokenAngelWings33


Well I don't appreciate judgements passed by people I have no measure of character from. You may say I need to be more humble but who are you and why is your advice applicable to my life?

If you knew me you wouldn't say that, but basing all you know of me from the couple things I say on ATS is not enough to pass judgements of any type let alone give advice.

Thanks but no thanks. Regret is a mind killer and I regret nothing.

Originally posted by zedVSzardoz
reply to post by BrokenAngelWings33

 

Well I don't appreciate judgements passed by people I have no measure of character from. You may say I need to be more humble but who are you and why is your advice applicable to my life?

If you knew me you wouldn't say that, but basing all you know of me from the couple things I say on ATS is not enough to pass judgements of any type let alone give advice.

Thanks but no thanks. Regret is a mind killer and I regret nothing.

That "EYE" thing you have going is very disconcerting and I'm sure you have it for just that purpose. I am glad you are comfortable in your life at the moment. What ever choices you did make to lead this point most definitely contributed to who you are, as do the ones you have yet to make. Hopefully, you have managed to realize that your future you has some humbling to do. Things change in the blink of an "EYE" and it is best to be prepared rather than caught off guard.

edit on 26-12-2012 by zedVSzardoz because: (no reason given)

Just a tad defensive aren't we?