I screwed it all up. I need help. I am in bad shape at the moment. Need advice.

Thank you all for your support.

After days of thinking a bout it all I can pretty much sum it all up as to it was never really going to really work out between me and this woman.

I have beat myself up to the point of losing my min d these past couple of weeks.

After much reflection on our relationship of where we have been and where we have gone I can honestly say that we have been delaying the innevitable. We are two complely different people tryi ng to live a life together.

I have to b e honest with myself and say that I had a freakout reaction to the result of us not getting along for some time now. I am not denying that my drinking played a roll over the years and is a contributing factor in tghe outcome. But I cannot deny that I have made honest steps in improving the now failed relationship.

I am a totally different person from when we first met. I have taken many seps in trying to make it work. There is no shame in me saying that it just wasn't meant to be. Our differences have grown to a point where we are
no longer relevant to one another.

I must stop beating myself up and move on to better things. There is a woman out there who will love me for me.who will support me through thick and thin.

I believe that if your woman doesn't want you to drink or party then she sbhould not either. I am not blaming her I just believe she could not or was unwilling to support me in a proper manner to achieve the goals that she wanted me to achieve. After all who wants their better half not to party but. They stay out until the wee hours coming home drunk and stoned. My answer to tghis is not a person that has their better halfs best inerest in mind.

Like I said no excuses just the realization that I have been fooling myself into thinking it can and should work out. As much as it hurts to say I must move on with my life. She wants something else which I believe she will never find.

I liejunkie called the aa hotline and the number was disconnected. Can I drive to a different town to seek the support of others like me. Sure I can. Do I honestly want to. No I do not.



In my quest to find my way I have concluded that yes I have made so many mistakes that I cannot fit them all here. But I have also realized that I must try and learn from my mistakes and niot deny or promise to anyone else that I will not make any more mistakes.

Sorry for my mnay typos. I am on my sisters phone.

I would also like to add that my pitty party is over. I am a man that will move on to the next challenge in my life. I realize that I really do not fear my relationship is over. I fear the unknown. A fear that I will overcome and I will move on to better things.

As for all of the religous posts....I liejunkie am not and never will be religous. I do not need faith in a deity that is not therei am not trying to be rude but I honestly feel that i would be lying to myself even further by believi ng in a god.

I will pick myself up and continue on with my life. To work on happiness one day at a time. Because to be truthful I have been unhappy for sometime.

I have to say that I was surprised by the amount of comments on my situation.

I can honestly say that reading everyone's replies has helped me on my path to better myself.

I appreciate the time each and everyone of you took to respond to my situation. I hope that you realize that it is comforting to know that there are people out there like me who struggle everyday to make the right decisions to try to stay on track.

Thank you.

reply to post by liejunkie01


Just for a little update

I did end up going and seeking professional help. I still am but a little shy on funds being how ny insurance pays only 60% of my counselor fees... thats alright though. I have found alot out about myself and learned that i have an anxiety "problem". I feel much better now that i have addressed some issues. ..

I know its been a while but ive vern a little busy, you know. .

reply to post by liejunkie01


I'm very glad to hear you chose to seek help.

I would like to say more, but just got home from work. I don't have the brain power to think.

I wish you well.

I will try to reply tomorrow.

reply to post by liejunkie01

You have to try and remove yourself from those environments. And that includes your girlfriend, srry to say but if it was going to work, it would of worked out by now. I never understood people with addictive personalities especially alcohol and all that, but I suppose we each have our demons and weaknesses. In all like i said remove yourself from the whole thing, go to AA or any such organization would be easiest as it removes you from the environment and puts you into another with like minded people, but if you go there and just come back into the whole atmosphere again its practically not going to work.

Addictions are funny things, that is they are part of life, is a natural thing and process the mind grasps to enfold and occupy itself with something, life literally is nothing but keeping yourself occupied, keeping busy, there is a reason why they say an idle mind is the devils playground. In fact to live in a idle mind is in itself a skill which the majority of humans living in society have not been conditioned for, for some its there biggest fears. And for those with addictive personalities that would likely be more true. Therefore the best way to counter a bad addictions is in the same way as countering a bad habit would be, that is you have to work at replacing it with a good habit. Because its not the fact that your going to get rid of your addictions, addictions are part of life especially the hive ant societal live in fact its breed to that end.

Your not countering addictions or habits in the fact that they are self containing thing themselves, your countering bad and detrimental habits, or hobby's ie addictions its more like you have to completely stop your old patterns which you have ingrained through a lifetime, but its more like you have to engross yourself in new more healthy and less detrimental patterns. Sometimes all it takes is just finding a hobby, other times you have to completely expunge and cut from your old self and environments and engrossing yourself in something else. Some would say go to a professional, others go to a gym, or take up with a different group and get rid of your old friends, ect ect. In all different things work for different people, and what worked for one may not work for another. You will have to find that out by yourself what works for you and what does not.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird

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I was going to say pretty much the same thing you did.

You did a better job than I would have.

good post.

I don't know if the op is even reading this. Hope he does.