Originally posted by liejunkie01
I really want to know what the hell is wrong with me. Why can't I get it right for my children's sake.
You're ill, that's the answer. Alcoholism is like any other illness, but with alcoholism there's no "outside" cure. There's no pill to take,
no easy treatments. You
are the only one that can "cure" your illness, but remember - it's never
I'm an alcoholic. Come this January I've been sober for 12 years. I will occasionally have a Baileys... a little bit of Baileys in a class - top
the rest up with milk. I'm lactoce intolerant and to me this is the only
way I can have a drink at all (the milk will make me ill, so I
cannot continue). For the first even years after finally becoming sober I touched no alcohol at all. It took me a long time to sober up.
I realised I had a problem a year before managing to stop. Sitting at work at 4pm in the office shaking like crazy as I was finally sobering up from
the weekend. I tried AA. I learnt a lot from AA. And I met tons of people that benefitted from AA.
For me however it wasn't suitable. I don't like crowds (and room with lots of people, albeit sitting on chairs, still feels like a crowd to me),
and I didn't feel too comfortable with the religious take on it. But the people were wonderful. And I am thankful for every meeting I went to.
What made me sober up was that I realised I'd come to a place where I had to make a choice... I could continue my drunken path and lose my OH, or I
could stop drinking and keep my OH. Suddenly it didn't seem like much of a choice. There was no grey areas, only two firm options. I chose love.
It was bloody hard! Hahahahahaha! But I got there!
Even now, after 12 years, I will on bad days rummage through all the cupboards, looking for booze... and I will find it. My OH has a drink
occasionally, so the alcohol is there... and I will hold whatever bottle I can find, and know that I cannot drink it.
As tasim said:
Originally posted by liejunkie01
I just know that if i get a bottle....i will not stop till it is empty...
I know I can't have it... it's not just that I want the drink - I need the drink! But I cannot have it. Everything I have built for the last 12
years will dissappear, just like the drink in the bottle would.
Alcoholism isn't your choice. Yes, you chose the first drink, and the second... but at some point you lost the choice. Now is the time to choose
again. I hope you are ready. Maybe you're not ready yet. But I certainly hope you are.
You're not alone... there's many walking in your shoes right now, and many of us have walked there. Go to AA - there's no need to feel ashamed.
... would you not go to the doctor id it was any other illness that affected you so badly it made you lose your family? Remember -
everyone at AA is an alcoholic... so go - listen, learn. Go back - maybe have a chat with a few people... go back - and maybe even feel comfortable
to tell your story (honestly, it like a huge burden off your chest). Best of luck to you! And I hope you and your OH can come to some arrangement
especially now over Christmas, and both of you and the children can have a lovely time, whether together, or maybe both of you adults having some
quality time with the kids at seperate times.