I screwed it all up. I need help. I am in bad shape at the moment. Need advice.

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posted on Dec, 22 2012 @ 02:01 PM
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Maybe show her what you have written here...It seems very heartfelt and honest. I'm sure she will see that. Wish you all the best at this time of year and I hope you can one day rid yourself of the addiction however you choose to go about it




posted on Dec, 22 2012 @ 02:06 PM
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OP, this online community of people who are also fighting addiction can provide a wealth of information, support and life experience. My way out communities. It's free, and it's anonymous. Note that the main site -- not the communities site -- recommends "program" with supplements, medication, and in-home exercise and treatment, but you don't have to follow the program or buy anything to join the community.

Please consider it. Your addiction is ongoing, and it's good to have ongoing support from others in your situation anytime you need it. I learned a lot from other peoples' experience with various treatments by reading the posts.

I really do wish you the best. Sending you love & light.

Grace



posted on Dec, 22 2012 @ 02:15 PM
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edit on 22-12-2012 by pacifier2012 because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 22 2012 @ 04:04 PM
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reply to post by liejunkie01
 





Now it is just complete misery and I cannot sleep at night. She told me she is tired of trying and is ready to move on.


You wore her down until she didn't really want you anymore. A woman will fight tooth and nail to preserve her family but they can't go on alone forever without you by her side. So it appears she gave you chance after chance to meet her needs and you were failing her. Takes more than paying the bills to make a relationship and forge bonds man. You gotta be pro-active and it never stops it's a 24/7 job.

The death knell of your relationship was when he told you she was tired of trying and ready to move on and most likely she already had a candidate in mind with which to replace you.

You're in a pretty bad spot, and i feel for you, but you appear to still have some growing up you need to do. Maybe you can salvage something and maybe not, family always comes first over what you want and if you're not prepared to go the distance then you don't need to be having a family and it sounds like your new ex has made that decision for you. I can't tell you wether to let go and stop trying, but if you want her back it's going to take some major changes in your life you're not ready for.

My advice is to find Jesus, and change your spirit if you haven't already and if you have then you're not living right which could be why this curse fell on your head. The penalty of the second death may not be on you in Christ but your sins will still destroy your body, your family and your children. Jesus is a miracle worker and it seems like you could really use a miracle.
edit on 22-12-2012 by lonewolf19792000 because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 22 2012 @ 05:22 PM
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Originally posted by liejunkie01
I really want to know what the hell is wrong with me. Why can't I get it right for my children's sake.

You're ill, that's the answer. Alcoholism is like any other illness, but with alcoholism there's no "outside" cure. There's no pill to take, no easy treatments. You are the only one that can "cure" your illness, but remember - it's never fully cured.

I'm an alcoholic. Come this January I've been sober for 12 years. I will occasionally have a Baileys... a little bit of Baileys in a class - top the rest up with milk. I'm lactoce intolerant and to me this is the only way I can have a drink at all (the milk will make me ill, so I cannot continue). For the first even years after finally becoming sober I touched no alcohol at all. It took me a long time to sober up.

I realised I had a problem a year before managing to stop. Sitting at work at 4pm in the office shaking like crazy as I was finally sobering up from the weekend. I tried AA. I learnt a lot from AA. And I met tons of people that benefitted from AA.

For me however it wasn't suitable. I don't like crowds (and room with lots of people, albeit sitting on chairs, still feels like a crowd to me), and I didn't feel too comfortable with the religious take on it. But the people were wonderful. And I am thankful for every meeting I went to.

What made me sober up was that I realised I'd come to a place where I had to make a choice... I could continue my drunken path and lose my OH, or I could stop drinking and keep my OH. Suddenly it didn't seem like much of a choice. There was no grey areas, only two firm options. I chose love. It was bloody hard! Hahahahahaha! But I got there!

Even now, after 12 years, I will on bad days rummage through all the cupboards, looking for booze... and I will find it. My OH has a drink occasionally, so the alcohol is there... and I will hold whatever bottle I can find, and know that I cannot drink it.

As tasim said:

Originally posted by liejunkie01
I just know that if i get a bottle....i will not stop till it is empty...

I know I can't have it... it's not just that I want the drink - I need the drink! But I cannot have it. Everything I have built for the last 12 years will dissappear, just like the drink in the bottle would.

Alcoholism isn't your choice. Yes, you chose the first drink, and the second... but at some point you lost the choice. Now is the time to choose again. I hope you are ready. Maybe you're not ready yet. But I certainly hope you are.

You're not alone... there's many walking in your shoes right now, and many of us have walked there. Go to AA - there's no need to feel ashamed. You're ill... would you not go to the doctor id it was any other illness that affected you so badly it made you lose your family? Remember - everyone at AA is an alcoholic... so go - listen, learn. Go back - maybe have a chat with a few people... go back - and maybe even feel comfortable to tell your story (honestly, it like a huge burden off your chest). Best of luck to you! And I hope you and your OH can come to some arrangement especially now over Christmas, and both of you and the children can have a lovely time, whether together, or maybe both of you adults having some quality time with the kids at seperate times.



posted on Dec, 22 2012 @ 05:33 PM
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Originally posted by liejunkie01
I really want to know what the hell is wrong with me.


You said it at the beginning of your sympathy note:


I am a severe alcoholic that is capable of fighting the urge for long periods of time. But for some reason I seem to lose the battle with my demons from time to time.


Stop drinking away from your problems! If you make a conscious eternal decision to stop drinking, you will see more than one solution to other problems that compound your current situation



posted on Dec, 22 2012 @ 06:39 PM
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You need to try counseling and therapy...it is time...I think your entire family needs to be in therapy...it will help a lot. Don't allow your mistakes and shame rob you and your children of the healing that needs to take place.

Get some professional help...be brave...and go for it!

edit on 22-12-2012 by caladonea because: edit



posted on Dec, 22 2012 @ 06:52 PM
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reply to post by winofiend
 


Okay you are right...AA is not the only way to go but it is a good place to start/go to get help but yea...not the only way to get through it. I just know it helped me a lot. He does need to make a choice for himself and figure out what works for him.

To Murgatroid

Yes, i agree that "some" AA groups are like cults. It is finding the ones that aren't and actually stick to what they are supposed to be...Alcoholics helping other Alcoholics. I got lucky in finding one that wasn't a cult. Every person there was open minded and accepting of others religion, spirituality or lack thereof. Like i said..my sponsor and others said that you don't have to pray to "God"...pray to your bed or couch! it doesn't matter...
This line of thinking allowed me to go very far in AA. I took what i needed to out of it, got sober and feel so much better about myself. I have noticed that since i can't get there right now (car/move) i have bad days and wish i could cause i know i would feel better around those that are going through the same thing as me.

One of the main points of going to AA is to talk to other Alcoholics about their problems...for a while you can forget about your own...i feel better just being a part of this thread and feeling like in some small fraction of a way i may be helping another alcoholic.

To Liejunkie

Do what you feel will help your life. If you are not sure...then try it all. You do need to help yourself first before you can help your relationships. I wish you the very best and have faith you can get through this.



posted on Dec, 22 2012 @ 07:07 PM
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reply to post by liejunkie01
 


The best thing I can suggest is getting some sort of counselling. You two are not going to sort this problem out and from what you have said there is a re-occuring cycle. Yous both need help. You sound depressed, she sounds warn out and just about done.. When it gets to that stage all options should be looked at because if yous continue down that track, yous are only going to end up hating each other. Dont just do it for yourselves, do it for your children also.. They are the ones who will cop the full brunt if yous cannot sort it out.

How do I know? I have been through similar. I was with my ex for 12 years, we had 2 kids who were born in 02 and 05, break ups over the past 5-6 years on a regular basis, Alcohol issues on her behalf, we split this year and never once thought about mediation or AA etc. But what made it hard is she wouldn't admit having a problem.. You have and you can change the outcome bro.
edit on 22-12-2012 by DarknStormy because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 22 2012 @ 07:15 PM
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reply to post by liejunkie01
 


I read your post and I think I understand what may be a issue. I have had problems in my life, not like this but it may apply. I will try to be as helpful as I can.

1. First off, you have to sit down and really think it through your mind what is truly important to you. Is it your 'love' and the family, or is it the time away with friends like 'good ol times' drinking etc.
2. If you make it past step 1 and decide to go with your family, and stay with your woman. You need to change your lifestyle. And that is new set of friends and people to hang around with.

I myself have seen a psychologist for my depression problems. And what I got out of it was, the person you want to change into, you need to think of people who are like that and be around them. They will help to encourage you in the right direction. And they won't put you down if you aren't 'one of the buddies' going out to do some fun.

You have to grow up. The drinking days with buddies is over. You have to move on with your life and settle down. Thats what I think is the matter. Work may be off now, but its your time to think, make use of it. Look at your children, what is best for them? They need a father, not a bar buddy.

So its the tough decision you must do, its family, or friends. You need to draw the line, spend twice as much time with your family if you truly love them, and half as much with friends. And get new friends, the ones I may think your with are not willing to grow up, and be responsible adults. They will not help you shape into a father, they will just keep you as a bar hopper, and drinking buddy.

And also, if you read any books, try reading some self help books. I did myself, and it helped to open up my mind to ways to treat my symptoms. The drinking is not the problem, like you and others may think. This is only the surface, or the symptom of what is the problem.

Dig deeper. You will see that drinking is a solution to the problem. Get at the root, chopping branches off will just end up growing back anyways.

Is it fear of growing up and settling down? You did meet your woman and you were party type it seems until children came along. She seemed to understand its time to change and be a mother, did you understand its time to change and be a father?

Read this book if fear is the problem. 'Feel the fear and do it anyways' , by Susan Jeffers

www.susanjeffers.com...
or
www.amazon.co.uk...=cm_lmf_tit_4/280-8757201-7903357

Thats my advice, I hope it goes well.
edit on 22-12-2012 by Seektruthalways1 because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 22 2012 @ 07:27 PM
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Dooode I feel for you. My sympathies.

Dear Abby and Ann Landers is in the C section of the newspaper.

If you want MY opinion? You care about the kids. Good for you. You don't REALLY care about the relationship. You claim u were sobor for "years" and needed a buzz? And she moved into your brothers house to get away from you?

The denial thing has got you Bro. Stop denying you'd rather be buzzed then be with her.

Your afraid to be alone and now you are. THAT'S what scares ya. AND? You don't even like her anymore.
You like the comfort zone but resent her for it. "For the kids sake"


Been there... done that... Addiction is never a pretty picture... YOUR the one that said your brother is a drug addict. Nice move on your EX part.

Co-Dependency works when both parties are "enablers".

Good Luck Man....

Just because you admitted you have an alcohol problem doesn't get you off the hook.

Again, This ain't the Ann Landers websight.

We go straight for the truth on ATS wherever it leads us. Dear Abby is in the C section.



posted on Dec, 22 2012 @ 07:30 PM
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Originally posted by tasim
Yes, i agree that "some" AA groups are like cults. It is finding the ones that aren't and actually stick to what they are supposed to be...Alcoholics helping other Alcoholics. I got lucky in finding one that wasn't a cult. Every person there was open minded and accepting of others religion, spirituality or lack thereof. Like i said..my sponsor and others said that you don't have to pray to "God"...pray to your bed or couch! it doesn't matter...
This line of thinking allowed me to go very far in AA. I took what i needed to out of it, got sober and feel so much better about myself. I have noticed that since i can't get there right now (car/move) i have bad days and wish i could cause i know i would feel better around those that are going through the same thing as me.

One of the main points of going to AA is to talk to other Alcoholics about their problems...for a while you can forget about your own...i feel better just being a part of this thread and feeling like in some small fraction of a way i may be helping another alcoholic.

Tasim: You have a good heart and your post shows you care...


I did read your first post on AA and it was very interesting.

The reason I put all those quotes in my post about AA was because I have seen an overwhelming amount of evidence that shows there is a hidden agenda behind AA that closely relates to the hidden agenda behind false religion.

I see religion as rat poison for the soul because there is SOME truth which is how they attract victims.

This is why AA actually helps SOME people.

Just like all other religions, AA is NOT what it appears to be, here is why:

AA was started by members of the Illuminati



posted on Dec, 22 2012 @ 07:59 PM
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Originally posted by Seektruthalways1
reply to post by liejunkie01
 


2. If you make it past step 1 and decide to go with your family, and stay with your woman. You need to change your lifestyle. And that is new set of friends and people to hang around with.


Good advice on getting new friends. Author Napoleon Hill has a section in his book "Think and grow rich" which deals with a theory called "mastermind group".

Mastermind group

The summed up idea behind it is simple, the people you hang around with make a lot of the decisions for you. It goes both ways, if you hang out with people that use drugs you eventually will try drugs. If you hang out with a kayak club, you will probably end up with a good tan that summer.

In the op's case, if all your buddies are drinking regularly, so will you.



posted on Dec, 23 2012 @ 07:05 AM
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Originally posted by liejunkie01

Originally posted by kaoticf8
And in regards to depression, workout even if its only 5mins a day the endorphins you get from it make a world of difference, even if you're super busy 5min set of tabatas will lift your spirits for the rest of the day or jump rope for 5mins w/e just get your body sweating and heart pumping and it'll do you a world of good. Be addicted to exercising everyday thats your new weakness that you have to do everyday to feel better just make sure you do it everyday in some capacity. It works it really does, new years coming up thats your resolution.



Thank you for this post.

The ironic thing is that "love" has been on a serious dieting system for about a year.

She has lost a lot of weight.
edit on 22-12-2012 by liejunkie01 because: (no reason given)


Is that why you did it, you're afraid of losing her now that she's in better shape so rather than letting her choose to dump you, you made the choice for her?

I know someone who was so afraid that her relationship was going to end and she would have no control over it that she created argument after argument after argument practically all day long to push her other half to breaking point - then when he snapped she said "see, I knew this wasn't going to work out anyway!"



posted on Dec, 23 2012 @ 07:35 AM
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The good news is that you recognize your problem, that my friend is the first step. You are not alone in this, I can not tell you how many 30 somethings I know that are having this very problem. Being a functioning addict to anything is a hard way to go, when you are able to pay bills and provide so to speak while maintaining an addicitive behavoir a person will justify their actions. "I pay the bills, who cares if I have a couple of drinks", but the people in your life that love you do not see it that way. They see a person who can not accept or comprehend the damage they are causing themselves or the ones around them. I have noticed that people with addicitive behavoir (myself included) are best to find some new outlet, something that becomes a part of their everyday routine. I for a time had a problem with prescription pain pills, but I traded that in for a pair of running shoes. Now everyday for the past four years, rain, sleet, snow or sunshine I lace up and hit the pavement, it is my new addicition. When I feel down instead of grabbing a drink or a drug I grab my shoes. You need a new outlet for the stress of everyday life, when you start to make these changes, good things will follow. You will feel great about yourself and that will pour over into everything you do and people will notice the change. Stay away from those who want to b ring you down, or others who have addictions of their own, they will only slow down the process. I am a religious person so I do have to add, you are never alone, the father is always with you, and he is always willing to help, all you have to do is ask. Always remember the best thing about facing such difficult challenges in life is the lesson that is learned. You might not see it now, but there is good to come out of this. It is when we are at our lowest times that we are the nearest to God, he understands and he will see you through this. Your children love you unconditionally, as you love them, and as the father loves you.

PLPL

PLPL



posted on Dec, 23 2012 @ 08:36 AM
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Go find an AA meeting ASAP. You need to work to get your sobriety together and do what the other members of AA tell you to do. If you do not you will not succeed trying to stop through AA. This is my 3rd time back to AA and I am now ready to quit drinking and follow their instructions. At first AA did seem a little creepy but I reached a point where I have to quit drinking. If I pick up another drink I will die. It's that simple for me. Worst case you try it and decide for yourself. Good luck!!



posted on Dec, 23 2012 @ 09:43 AM
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Many with abuse problems, myself included for a long time, arent necessarily seeking the drug/alcohol but rather the escape it provides. Humans can become overloaded...life doesnt even have to even be stressful, sometimes it can be overload from having the same routine day in and day out that feeling like not being able to break the cycle can bring on this same feeling of overload.

We use these substances to reduce the stress and shut out our surroundings so we can have just a moment to get lost in our own heads without influence from the outside world. Some times it is easier in our minds to turn to a substance to achieve this rather than seeking other solutions...after a while it starts to feel like the only solution.

Two major things need to happen before you can kick this problem:

1. The urge to get away from everthing for a moment will never subside. You will always need a moment for yourself to think about things and get your thoughts in order. You have to explore options that allow you to do this that dont involve these substances...for some meditation works, maybe simply taking a walk to get some fresh air. The solution could be a hobby, or anything you enjoy that gives you a little "me time".

2. Dont give into the urge. You've said yourself you've gone for long periods of time, which says not only do you want to kick the habit, but are ready to change if your body would allow you to do so.

I know this is easier said than done, but your already doing it my friend. You've already walked away from it before, so now its a matter of convincing your body that the urges will weaken and subside in their own time.


Your already taking the right steps. The fact that you created this post says you want to change, and are looking for any help to do so.

Thats probably the hardest step you'll have to take...admitting theres a problem...and you've already done it.

Your already half way over the mountain...now you must keep going instead of heading back.


Alcohol addiction is an illness. It is part of how our bodies are made, so you cannot blame yourself as long as you can honestly say your trying your best.

Sit down and talk to your wife...maybe even let her see this post.

Tell her you know you have a problem, and desperately need her love and support to get through this. If you say it in sincerity she will understand.

But remember if she does agree to help, it is up to you to hold to your end of the agreement as well.

From your post i can tell your family means so much more to you than this drug does.

That means your mind is made up, and your mind knows where your values lay...now its a matter of bringing your body on board to believe the same.

Stand strong my friend! You are taking the right steps...keep on letting your love for your family lead your mind instead of the urges and you will see the light at the end of this darkness sooner than you think!

I wish you the best, and you will be in our thoughts.

-MM-



posted on Dec, 23 2012 @ 10:15 AM
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Originally posted by liejunkie01
Thank you all for the advice.

I will pick myself back up.

I feel so bad that I put my children on this position.



That's the deal with addictions, you can't do them a bit. They are all consuming. So you need to get friends that are supportive. Who you can go out with without drinking alcohol, none of them.

Alcohol, nicotine etc are ADDICTIVE, otherwise how the hell could there be a billion dollar market for these things?

The only thing you need to do is own the situation as it is 100 percent, and get help. You can make up for lost time with your kids in the future. Beating your self up is only going to create more stress, so more desire for your drug of choice.



posted on Dec, 23 2012 @ 10:43 AM
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Man, this sounds way too familiar, and I could add a lot. I'm gonna save myself much typing... Antabuse my friend. If "Love" has no interest, which I would fully understand, you would be doing it for yourself. We all have a finite number of "do overs" sounds like you may have used all of yours. It does suck for you but I can almost guarantee it sucks for her and the kids more....



posted on Dec, 23 2012 @ 10:56 AM
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I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm 41. I've been there regarding the alcohol. I've had plenty of people tell me what I should do. I tried AA and it just didn't feel like the right fit for me. In the end I had to simply take responsibility for myself. I also finally realized that the heavy alcohol use, half of a 1.75 liter bottle of vodka per night with no hangover in the morning, was really messing with my brain chemicals. I got to the point that I couldn't go into the grocery store or pretty much any building without freaking out and starting to dry heave. I visited my doctor and it turned out that I now had depression, anxiety, was massively dehydrated, all of my numbers on blood tests were well out of whack. I also developed gout, you don't want that. I also developed high blood pressure and high cholesterol. For a while I was also pre-diabetic because I was mixing with sugary drinks. Then, for the grand finale I wound up in the hospital with Pancreatitis. After a few days in the hospital with probably around 10 bags of fluid pumped into me I was released. Stayed sober for a month then started drinking again. Long story short I was hospitalized 3 times for Pancreatitis. I still drink now and then but I'm learning to control how much I drink. It's different for everyone. Some believe in never having a drink for the rest of their lives. If that works for them then that's wonderful. I simply can't even imagine that for myself though. I hope that something in my story can help you. I know it's difficult but try to have merry Christmas. Good luck and hang in there friend.





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