posted on Dec, 20 2012 @ 10:05 AM
Good peoples of ATS:
With all the speculation and prophecies regarding 2012, the Truth has come to my attention by the Highest authority.
At first, I thought that 12/21/2012 would be the end of the world as we know it. All scenarios were possible, including the arrival of Nibiru, a
wayward comet, earthquakes and tidal waves, alien invasions, or a zombie apocalypse. I soon realized this was not going to happen, then was informed
by the Highest authority that it would not happen.
Then, I thought that even though a giant physical calamity would not occur, there definitely was going to be a spiritual ascension. The people of the
world would evolve into loving beings on another spiritual plane. Human suffering would be dissolved. Nobody would have to work at McDonald's
anymore, and those with irritable bowel syndrome would be set free.
But Alas! Again I was informed by the Highest authority that this would not be the case, after I realized today that it's one day before and it's
not looking good for the big spiritual shift. At some point, I needed to start thinking about saving face.
Which brings me to today, when I have been informed by the Highest authority that on 12/21/2012 at approximately 11:11 AM (in your local time zone,
because that makes less sense) everyone in the world will experience approximately 12 seconds of joyful spiritual resonance. You may not notice it or
feel it, but it will happen.
Afterwards, let it be known across the lands that the 12-second prophecy came to full fruition. There will be those that doubt this, but they are not
ready! Their time will come on 11/12/13 during the Judgement, where there will be 14 seconds of spleen discomfort.
Prepare yourselves! Oh, and Merry Christmas to all!
Note: Moderators, please feel free to move this if it needs to be in a more appropriate forum. Do we have a forum specifically for satire?