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The Official ATS "End of the World" Drunk Thread!

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posted on Dec, 20 2012 @ 09:32 AM
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But first, a conversation with the doctor.............

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it...don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

So, on to a few random memes I've knocked up.....................









So remember, have no fear, because............




posted on Dec, 20 2012 @ 09:42 AM
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Live life how one chooses. I live life to the max, its just my wallet limits that greatly.

As long as your living your life and not just existing, your on the right path



posted on Dec, 20 2012 @ 09:59 AM
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LOL, well done, sir! I needed the laugh this morning.

S & F for you.

PS...I don't drink, because my body hates alcohol, but if I hang around the drunks here on ATS, will I get a contact high?



posted on Dec, 20 2012 @ 10:13 AM
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reply to post by FissionSurplus
 

I'll spike your kitty milk in the most agreeable way, hows that? Your body won't know it's been drunked until you can't walk a line straight!


I must agree. Tomorrow? At least tomorrow NIGHT...there shall be a drink or two for all and for all a comfy buzz. We can't watch our fellow citizens make total asses of themselves and run around like a chicken with no head...all sober, can we? That would be such a waste of world wide stupidity on display..and this might be a once in a lifetime convergence of such stupidity in one period of time too!

You bet I'll be here with a supply of carrots....carrot juice...and plenty of other favors to my end of time party.
(Just don't wonder when I drop out of sight....online and ACTUALLY being drunk don't mix...for much of anyone, that I ever see
)



posted on Dec, 20 2012 @ 10:35 AM
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reply to post by n00bUK
 


I hear ya brother.....or sister???




Have a merry Christmas mate and spread the love



posted on Dec, 20 2012 @ 10:35 AM
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reply to post by FissionSurplus
 




OK then, we can address that easily enough. Take two of these......


And drink all of this, through a straw!


I will be with you in spirit, black label spirit


Merry Christmas to you and your husband, may you be surrounded by loved ones throughout the festive season.



posted on Dec, 20 2012 @ 10:40 AM
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reply to post by Wrabbit2000
 


Bugs, you've already been to the pub - I can smell the salad on your breath from here!



Merry Christmas mate - hope you enjoy yourself



posted on Dec, 20 2012 @ 11:20 AM
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Originally posted by Sublimecraft
reply to post by Wrabbit2000
 


Bugs, you've already been to the pub - I can smell the salad on your breath from here!





But...but......this simply cannot be true...please tell me you've gotten the wrong bunny..... I've pictured him sitting in his den at night beside a crackling fire, finely made long clay pipe in one paw, a waterford crystal wine glass in the other containing a fantastic Chateau du Carotte (vintage '79 of course) and contemplating the issues that concern deep thinking bunnies everywhere.

To see him propped up by old logs, a common ciggy hanging from his lips and a bottle of common low quality carrot juice between his paws is just too much to bare....... too.... much... to.. bare.....



posted on Dec, 20 2012 @ 12:15 PM
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reply to post by MyMindIsMyOwn
 


Ahh, I see. You kinda picture him something like this..........




Little do you know, he is actually more like this when on ATS....



(hehehe)

Merry Christmas, remain happy and be safe these holidays



posted on Dec, 20 2012 @ 06:26 PM
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reply to post by Sublimecraft
 


That was awesome!

nuff said...



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