The name of your thread gave me an idea to create a parody of that old fashioned poem.
So here's my gift to you all. It's sort of a rough draft; I wanted to add more doomsday memes, but I kinda like it.
'Twas the Night before Doomsday (by Mara Grace)
Twas the night before Solstice, the new agers dowse
Precession of equinox through a new astrological house.
Threads about doomsday were created with care,
In hopes that Hercolubus soon would be there.
Children of Annunaki await their planet in red,
While visions of apocalypse danced in their heads.
Grabbed my compass and telescope and celestial maps,
Boggling my mind, I prepared for extreme solar zaps.
When out from CERN there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was dark matter.
Looking out the window I saw a huge flash,
It tore open the skies and rained down cosmic ash.
The moon was just blasted by probes Ebb and Flow,
As I thought to myself just how apropos.
When, just as my brain cranked in to high gear,
I saw a gigantic asteroid appear and coming near!
Well I'm a survivor, so what was this shtick?
I knew in a moment the meteor must be quite thick.
Faster than fallen angels fleeing from shame,
We whistled and shouted as we saw shooting flames!
"Now Mercury! now, Venus! now, Earth is missing!
A Comet! A planetoid! Some abomination of fission!
To the top of the mountains! to the caves we crawl!
Now run away! Run away! Run away all!"
As hot cinders that before the super-volcano fly,
When a Carrington event happens, Earth is to fry.
Higher than the house-top the tidal wave grew,
With the air full of noise, and Nibiru too!
Without an inkling, I thought it was a spoof,
I suddenly worried all this might end in a poof!
As I threw up my arms, my head spinning around,
Down came an alien, beamed to the ground.
He appeared in a blur, from his head to his foot,
A holographic projection telling me to stay put.
A beam from his ray-gun I mistook as attack,
But at the last moment he said he'd cut me some slack.
His eyes--how they glowed! how hypnotic, how scary!
Definitely not Bigfoot, not even hairy!
He looked like a stick figure made out of dough,
I looked around to try and find his UFO.
Straight up above me as I was beneath,
A light encircled his head like a wreath.
He told me why he thought the Earth was so smelly,
Our reliance on crude oil to make petroleum jelly!
But that was only a small part, in and of itself,
I cried as I asked the fate of the continental shelf!
Glaring almond-shaped eyes, he spoke of great dread,
Had me quite worried we'd all shortly drop dead.
He spoke not a word, nodded his head with a smirk,
Said I should have recycled more, and called me a jerk!
The least of my worries was my home being foreclosed,
Radioactive waste takes far too long to decompose!
He rose to his ship, to his team gave a whistle,
Pushed a button to disarm all our military missiles.
But I heard him exclaim, that it is our own inner light,
Will redeem us in the end, then he flew out of sight!
edit on 18-12-2012 by anjuna because: poetic improvements
18-12-2012 by anjuna because: (no reason given)