"I am Adam Lanza's mother", page 1


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Topic started on 17-12-2012 @ 06:55 PM by SpaceJockey1
The following comes from a recent article, by a mother living with a mentally ill teenager that could easily become a mass killer, where she pleads for help that doesn't seem to be there:

I am Adam Lanza's mother

Friday’s horrific national tragedy—the murder of 20 children and six adults at Sandy Hook Elementary School in New Town, Connecticut—has ignited a new discussion on violence in America. In kitchens and coffee shops across the country, we tearfully debate the many faces of violence in America: gun culture, media violence, lack of mental health services, overt and covert wars abroad, religion, politics and the way we raise our children. Liza Long, a writer based in Boise, says it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness.

Three days before 20 year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.

“I can wear these pants,” he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.

“They are navy blue,” I told him. “Your school’s dress code says black or khaki pants only.”

“They told me I could wear these,” he insisted. “You’re a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!”


Full Article

It's important to read the full article above to understand what many of those living with family members with mental illness have to endure, and why just banning gun ownership isn't the answer (guns are banned in the UK for example, but now the weapon of choice are KNIVES, where there's an average of 6 knife related deaths per week. There are also 60 non-fatal knife crimes daily, with 22,000 recorded in the year).
edit on 12/17/2012 by kosmicjack because: Quotes for clarification
edit on Mon Dec 17 2012 by DontTreadOnMe because: /IMPORTANT: Using Content From Other Websites on ATS



reply posted on 17-12-2012 @ 07:05 PM by SpaceJockey1
At present the raging debate since the Sandy Hook massacre, has mostly been about gun control, but my personal view is that that's overlooking the bigger problem.

Having lived with my mother and sister for over 50 years whom are both manic depressives, I can totally relate to what this poor lady, and millions of others have and are going through, especially nowadays with the mentally ill increasingly being forced out of mental care, and finding themselves more likely to be incarcerated in our prisons.

Due to a LOT of emotional & physical violence visited upon myself from age 6 (when my mother's mental illness first appeared), via intense bullying from school children that learned of my mothers 'episodes' from their parents (small community in the early 60's), I became the victim of all the nastiness that children can dispense.

The conflict for me was that my father (a staunch Catholic) whom I went to for emotional support and advice, would tell me to just suck it up and turn the other cheek!

There were many times in those early years where I was so ANGRY that I thought about and could have done something really bad, and it was only when I left school at 17 and eventually starting to fight back against anyone that so much got in my face, that I was able to release my anger and calm myself...was a hell of a journey to my early 30's before I got all that anger out of my system.

So my point is that dealing with mental illness should be a bigger priority than the banning of guns, IMHO.


reply posted on 17-12-2012 @ 07:09 PM by SpaceJockey1
reply to post by Neopan100


WOW, really?

You either don't have children, or have never had to deal with someone close to you with mental illness.

No amount of discipline will deal with people like her son or the ones that commit these horrific crimes.

Just look at China and the damage that the mentally ill can do with just a knife.

Ignore the problem at your peril.


reply posted on 17-12-2012 @ 07:15 PM by Gridrebel
reply to post by Neopan100


If strict discipline or corporal punishment were the answer, that would be nice. Mental illness is very real and very scary to many families who have to constantly deal with a ticking time bomb. back in the 80's, a friend of mine had a son who was having some mental health issues but hadn't broken any laws. He was in his early twenties. His roommate was concerned about his own safety and had other people spending the night at their apartment because he was worried. My friend's son told his roommate he was not mentally well and they went with friends from facility to facilty for two days to no avail. That night, no one extra could spend the night. The next morning, my friend's son was found crying and cowering in a closet, his roommate had been stabbed to death with over 30 stab wounds.

There are obviously not enough facilities for the emotionally and mentally unstable. Doctors just want to prescribe some meds and call it good. Although it might help the majority, there are the few that need more in depth help but can't get it.


reply posted on 17-12-2012 @ 07:20 PM by AfterInfinity
Sounds like me when I was a kid. I don't have an answer, because everyone is different. I know why I did a lot of the things I did, but it's a reasonable assumption that most of the reasons I had are not the reasons "Micheal" has. Even so, I can understand both positions. Micheal most likely doesn't understand certain emotional standpoints, and so he simply ignores them and appeals with whatever expressions he deems most suitable. Best I can tell you.

I can say that the mother has a definite point. I could so easily have ended up in a number of highly unpleasant places (and a couple of time, I did) but fortunately, I was able to come to terms with myself and develop a fairly healthy personality with a few quirks that I have accepted as just being me. And I have accepted that if anyone doesn't like it, they are perfectly free to go directly to the first dreadfully unpalatable location they can think of. When you are young and inexperienced and woefully naive, however...that's when you need help. Lots of it. People who understand where you're coming from, who know what you've been through, know what you're feeling, and have successfully overcome it.

And unfortunately, because a lot of people don't want to admit that such strange personalities exist, they decide to either drug it or lock it away. They don't want to deal with it. They want to pretend that society is easily fixed. And because of that, we have people who pretend to be okay until they decide they're done playing the game and they just mow down everyone who ever wronged them, whether those wrongs be real or imagined. At that point, it doesn't matter. They're going away, and they want to leave a message before they do.

It could so easily have been me, so many times. I didn't do it, so I can't say I understand perfectly. But I can understand what may have lead to it. And I can say, quite certainly, that if no help is given, then trouble is absolutely asked for.

Better to get the worst out of the way before it comes back to haunt you - with a semiautomatic.


reply posted on 17-12-2012 @ 07:27 PM by jlafleur02
Originally posted by Neopan100
Already tiring of this "mental illness" crap..it sounds like that kids needs some serious discipline! If it were my child I would calmly lay down the rules and then the consequences..and the consequences WOULD not be taking away electronics..it would be a one way ticket to military type school where his a$$ would learn some respect.

Sorry but I find a lot of 'mental illness' to be complete and utter BS! Parents seem to be lacking parental skills.

So she raised 2 kids who are normal and one that is insane. If you never experienced this you will never know what it is like. It can break you down to a point where you can't even think. The spanking and hitting only go so far and doesn't cure anything. When they are not with you they will have no fear and act uncontrollable as they know you are not around anymore.
I had a step son that was like this. I raised him for 10 years since he was 2. When I first met him he was like this and I thought the same as you. It finally wrecked my marriage. We always tried to include him in everything and do thing with just him and myself. When we did things together he was fine. When his mother came along it got bad to the point we couldn't bring him camping with out clearing out the campers around us if we stayed for more than 1 night. When she went on her own and did the nice thing by talking it out and all that stuff. It took 3 months for him to go to a boys home where he proceeded to steal a van, have sex, run away and other things.
We have a son together which we split time with. He is wonderful little man. Good grade, social adept, soccer player, show love and compasion, just an all around great kid who I am very proud of.

You don't know what it is like. You cannot control people like this. You don't want to ever be around that.

P.S. We did do the drug thing and he got better. Only because he was so out of it that he slept very often. I hated seeing him like that and took him off them at age 9. It was very hard to do as I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing.
edit on 17-12-2012 by jlafleur02 because: added drug related stuff


reply posted on 17-12-2012 @ 07:30 PM by Neopan100
reply to post by SpaceJockey1


I do have children..and yes im am glad I have not known anyone with mental illness..if I did I would distance myself from them..even if it were my child. I would not hesitate to have them locked away..especially if they said they would harm me or anyone in the family. I do believe a lot of 'mental' illness is lack of parenting/neglect to emotional needs. Call me callous all day long..I would put these people far away..where they belong. Lock them up and throw away the key..if they are sick and truly cannot be helped what other choice do you have? I certainly don't want any other sick ba$tards running around shooting up schools.

Some other poster today said she had 2 kids with some sort of 'disorder'...you would have thought she would have STOPPED at the first..bad genes are bad genes..QUIT freaking breeding these people!<---yes I am dead serious..delete this for decorum but I am entitled to my opinion.


reply posted on 17-12-2012 @ 07:37 PM by Witness2008
reply to post by SpaceJockey1


I am a firm believer that the pharmaceuticals passed out like candy and the demeaning diagnosis of our children are creating monsters out of normal energetic kids. I have experienced similar trials with one of my sons.

He went to see an MD on his own at 18, the doctor diagnosed him with ADHD, handed him a script and it was down hill from there. It changed him so much I did not recognize him. He went onto try other pharmaceuticals until he got himself in trouble with the law.

Once we got him off of the meds he recovered almost over night. He advocates nutrition for behavioral problems and is a beautiful picture of health.

My heart absolutely bleeds for this family.


reply posted on 17-12-2012 @ 07:40 PM by authortobe
Every behavioral disorder does not a mass killer make. Although I agree that the mental health system is broken.
I have worked in the mental health system for nearly 10 years at the "state hospital level". Without going into exact detail I will try to describe what I have experienced. The facility I am referencing has been in existence since the late 1800,s, originally a "Territorial Asylum for the Insane". At its peak it was a self sufficient community with over 3000 patients, now approximately 350.

It is divided into separate treatment areas as follows. The hospital for the civilly committed or those patients with an axis 1 and axis 2 diagnosis and severely mentally ill an interesting place to say the least. These patients some of them high functioning have their own cafe, rehab areas, clothing store, library and gymnasium. They are monitored cared for and assured to remain on their prescribed medications. There are violent incidents that require restraint, seclusion and reduced stimuli. The civil hospitals philosophy is recovery.

Area number 2 is the forensic hospital, violent offenders that have committed a crime. Two types of patients here, those that are awaiting trial and sent for an evaluation to determine competency to stand trial, and those that have been tried and found guilty except insane or not guilty by reason of insanity,(a rare determination). Again, these patients are cared for, offered educational opportunities and assured to remain on their prescribed medications.

The third area is a high security facility housing sexually violent predators that have served a sentence in prison for their crimes and determined to be unfit for re-entry into society at the end of their sentence,

All three areas of the facility are completely segregated from the others. My point with this reply is that this is a facility that as I stated in the beginning of this once had a population of over 3000. Although treatment for psychological issues has greatly improved from the days of the "insane asylum" there is still a need for residential facilities that protect the general population from those among us that are uncontrollably ill. There is a saying among us that work with this population, "There by the grace of God go I". Mental illness can affect any one of us, anytime, it is a challenge especially to parents and loved ones. There is a need for these residential facilities, the community needs them, parents need them and those suffering with illness need them.


reply posted on 17-12-2012 @ 07:43 PM by minkmouse
reply to post by sparky31


I got your first point and agree with your second. Easy access to guns by those who should not have it is a problem. As I said in another post, the problems the US has with gun control seem to be systemic. The regulatory system doesn't appear to have its act together. My room mate keeps all his guns in a safe with a digital combination lock, that seems to be a smart idea to me.
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