reply to post by zedVSzardoz
I like it. Everything you said is exactly correct for each and every child for very good reason.
Boundaries are important because they provide the necessary feeling of safety to small children. Kids raised without boundaries will always feel on
the edge and seek through ever-increasing poor behaviours to find an adult who will say.. this is the line in the sand little one.
I have heard so many parents who say that the consequences for some action will be something absurd, and when they do not follow through the child
KNOWS their parent is lying to them and cannot ever be trusted again. Hence it is important to make the consequences something equal to the problem
and also something the parent will follow through with.
I think there are two basic types of kids..
1/ Malleable kids.. the ones who will abide by House Rules most of the time, who will do as asked most of the time.. these are the kids who you hear
their parents say they were a pleasure to raise.
2/ Ruthless kids... the ones who will push their primary care giver to their wits end, who will not abide by any rules, who will not assist around the
home, and who seek COntrol over everything while thinking their parents stupid. No amount of Love helps with these kids.
Type 1 kids do not force their parents to dig deeper in order to find a way to deal with them, while the type 2 kids will each and every moment of
every day. So in this respect they are brilliant for making parents have to grown and stretch themselves further.
I raised my girl on my own for 18 years, and she was a type 2 kid. It was hard work, in fact, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life so
far. And now she is out in the world learning what it is like for an independant person in this crapped-out society we have around us.
All the child psychologists with no kids of their own had absolutely no idea about anything other than their book-learned approaches which were
totally useless for Ruthless kids. I could not believe the pandering these supposedly learned people went through to try and get the kids to work with
them.... I have heard some say that Yes it is the parents fault you are like you are. What a load of BS.
Lets face a fact.. kids characters are in place by age 5. You may help mould them to some small degree, but everything else is about the choices the
kids make... and that is not a reflection on the parent.. it is purely a reflection on the child and their choices.
I do not like the namby-pamby approach to parenting that has come into favour since the early 1980's because it only disempowers the parents in
favour of empowering the children beyond their ability to cope with it effectively, hence the many problem we see with youth from Gen Y to the current
Kids need parents first. When they are adults there is plenty of time to become friends.
The best advice I ever got about rainsing a child into and through the onset of teenage years, was simply this, "You all hang on for grim death
and hope you make it.
Each day I told my girl I loved her, even when I was angry with her, and no matter what she did I would continue to love her just as strongly. This
does not mean she didn't have strong consequences for very wayward behaviour, it meant ..
I loved her enough to go the hard yards with her, to fight FOR her.
Most of the parents I see and have known have taken the other road.. "It's too hard, so let them do what they want." Weak bastards only managed to
raise little a-holes that grew into big a-holes... just like you see in every street in every town in the western world today.
/silly old man's 2 cent rant