posted on Dec, 15 2012 @ 04:14 AM
Ok. I need some advice from some non-biased people who don't know me or my life at all.
So I started working at a place that I have worked before. A girl that used to work there with me also recently started back again. From the get go I
had a "thing" for her. Never pursued it the first time around because neither she not I was available.
Cut to a couple months later. After flirting back and forth for a bit during work, one night I get a random text from said girl saying "This is ____.
Save my number."
"Wow!" I thought to myself. "This is awesome!!" and I of course saved her info.
So that was the beginning. A few nights later (after texting almost non-stop back and forth every day all day) I invited her over to hang out for a
bit and have a beer. She accepted. Showed up, and we really hit it off. I discovered that we have many thing in common, and it helped to "break the
ice". Cut to a few days later. She wants to bring her daughter and herself to spend the day with me while her son is at school. "AWESOME!!" I
thinks to myself, and readily accept.
So, this is what we do for almost three months. We text each other all day, everyday. From "Good morning" to "Good night". She brings her daughter
to my house a few times a week, during the day and we hang out, talk, and whatnot. I go to her house a couple times and hang out.
During this three months, there is talk of moving in together (which I thought was a really good thing), there is her giving me "pet names" in texts
(dear, babe, love--which is a REALLY REALLY good thing!)...Other little things that I picked up on that I KNOW were signs that she really liked me...
The intimate parts happened during this time as well, but that's actually not all that important to me. We have "slept" together, and by that I
mean actual sleep. And cuddled.
And during this time of getting to know her, I fell and I fell hard for her.
Cut to a couple of weeks ago. We make plans to hang out on a Friday while her son is at his dad's house. Things have to change from varying
circumstances and we cannot hang out that Friday, but the following Saturday night is good to go. I hang out with her til almost 2 in the morning. We
watched some house hunter crap, but it was all good. Didn't matter what was on the tube cause I with her. I kissed her goodbye, and let her know that
I made it home safely.
Next day, Sunday, we did our usual "good morning" text, got the usual responses, and proceeded to carry on with business as normal for the day,
periodically texting our status and whatnot. Except that after about 6pm I received no responses.
I periodically texted, maybe once every hour and a half. Just a "hey, whatya doin" kind of thing. After several hours, at about 1130 or so, I
started to get worried, cause this was not "normal" to me. After three months of everyday, all day, to get no response was "normal". So I
expressed my worry in my last text of the night.
Cut to following Monday morning. I wake up early and text my "good morning", only to be replied with "what was with all the worrying?" "I went to
I responded with something to the effect that it wasn't "normal". So for the rest of the day, almost no contact whatsoever. Sent my good night
later in the evening.
The next day, Tuesday, I awake and send my normal good morning. The response I get is "Dont hate me, but I dont want to date nemore". Just like
that. In a text message.
I got no explanation, just that. And in my bewilderment at her statement, I didn't ask why. Just proceeded to ask a couple three questions. One,
"was it something I did or didn't do" and two, "will you still accept the xmas presents that I have gotten for you and your children" three was
"can we still be friends? She has been my best friend in my mind for three, almost four months now...
Answer to one was "no, I just don't want to be in a relationship right now"
and two was "is that appropriate?",
and three was "yes" WOOHOO!!!
I did not at the time address the answer to number one, and instead focused on number two, as I had already gotten them things, all of them based on
things that we had talked about over the last few months. The presents are specific to her and her children. I told that yes, it is appropriate,
because the material things that I have were procured for you and your children before this "bomb" was dropped on me.
She accepted the presents.
After accepting, we once again text back and forth all day long, about mundane things that we are doing. This is initiated by her telling me what's
going on right now in her life...etc.
Cut to next day. She asks if I want to go with her and her children to the park. I enthusiastically say yes! We go, have a good time. Later I text and
thank her for inviting me. She says thank you for helping with the kids. I say no problem, anytime. Then, I asked why she made the decision she made.
She says that she doesn't want to be tied down. That she doesn't have "time to date, what with the kids and all". That she doesn't want to feel
obligated. That her ex has turned her off from dating. That she's gotten used to being single.
And here is where I address the answer to my question number one above to her.
I do not want her to feel obligated or tied down. I am in love with her, and have made this fact known to her previously. She has made time to spend
with me for the last few months...wtf happened in two days to make her change her mind? I am not in any way shape or form even remotely comparable to
the "ex" that she is referring to.
I am miserable. She still talks to me every day like the past few months never happened, still texts me out of the blue with what she might happen to
be doing at the time.
I want to go to her an tell her that I miss the sh!t out of her and have things back to how they were a few weeks ago, but I do NOT want to lose her
friendship. I value that more than anything.
So, what can I do? Keep pining for her and feeling miserable all the time? Ask her the "real" reason that she decided that she didn't "want to
date nemore"? (cause I don't buy her reason...not even for a second and I don't know why...)