Losing is important to your mental health.

For the last 15 years or so there has been a feel good agenda corrupting our children. A trophy for every child, win or lose they are told they won. They are not allowed to lose, period. They are coddled and convinced that they are the answer to the worlds problems. We are seeing the unintended consequences of this policy on a daily basis it seems. When we shove them out into the real world and harsh reality slaps them in the face they have no mechanism to cope with their failures. They turn bitter. Losing builds character and can be learned from far better than winning ever could. If you have children you should teach them that losing is a good thing and that they will in fact lose more than they win. Nobody wins everytime at everything. They will not walk into the job force and instantly be running the show. Their ideas will be shot down repeatedly. They are not the sharpest knife in the drawer and there will always be somebody that is better at anything they do. Sure it is great to win and they should strive for it but they should not expect it everytime. Our society is turning more bitter by the day. This is a big part of why that is. The mental health of our children requires that they accept losing as a learning experience.

I agree without losing you will never relish the feeling when you do win.

reply to post by boymonkey74


Yes winning is a great feeling. Made all that much better if you mostly lose. These no child can lose policies are in fact shaping the mentality of our society in a negative way. It may be too late for at least one generation but future generations can be saved from it.

Maybe we're treating them like children?

www.sciencedaily.com...
Even Positive Stereotypes Can Hinder Performance, Researchers Report

In line with this hypothesis, two experiments with 4- to 7-year-olds demonstrated that the children performed more poorly after they were exposed to information that associated success on a given task with membership in a certain social group, regardless of whether the children themselves belonged to that group.
"These findings suggest we should be cautious in making pronouncements about the abilities of social groups such as boys and girls," Cimpian said. "Not only is the truth of such statements questionable, but they also send the wrong message about what it takes to succeed, thereby undermining achievement -- even when they are actually meant as encouragement."

Maybe it's pretty much same thing...

Keep telling people that they are elite, telling them they're right(even can be found in their own numbers), in control and there to choose what's best for the whole... we might just be influencing their demise, or a failure of grave importance.

I can see how meritocracy plays a role in allowing individuals of power/control/strong influence, come to false conclusions as to what it takes to achieve. Considering there is no real answer or solution based on empirical evidence for a lot of the issues that they address. Becoming a dangerous position to be in...

I agree. Learning to lose without being labeled a "loser" is a necessary part of socialization and growing up. You want kids to strive to win but losing is a part of life and they must learn to deal with it.

reply to post by MESSAGEFROMTHESTARS


I believe scientists/proffessors should stop with the research studies that effect our children. There are so many variables that they can not know and can only guess at long term psychological effects. We should not guess with our children. Someone with common sense should be present when decisions about our children are made. These mass killings were not happening 30 years ago. If they want to do a study that helps society they should study what they did differently with our children from that point to now.

On the other hand, too much losing will also be a disaster for your mental health.

For a single winner, there's got to be many losers: whether it's school sports races, business or even a job applications.

reply to post by Merriman Weir


It is what it is. Everyone has something that they can excell at. We need to do a better job pinpointing that something that makes them special instead of the cookie cutter mold currently used.

Originally posted by jimmiec
reply to post by Merriman Weir

 

It is what it is. Everyone has something that they can excell at. We need to do a better job pinpointing that something that makes them special instead of the cookie cutter mold currently used.

The larger the demographic, the less statistically likely this able to occur. There's always going to be one winner and many losers. Increase the size of the demographic, it's still going to be 'one winner, many losers' but with even more losers. The problem here is all our demographics are expanding.

reply to post by Merriman Weir


This is true. The larger the population gets the more kooks we get. Facebook does not help. People post their every thought and make enemies through Facebook. They are effectively masked. They do not develop true people skills. There is no substitute for eye contact conversations. The mass murderers of recent times have worn masks. There may be a correlation between the mask and Facebook. It is more important to lose than to win. It builds character and gets us ready for the harsh reality of the society we live in. There really is nothing wrong with losing. It rounds us out mentally.

reply to post by jimmiec


I agree with your premise but just wanted to point out that these types of killings have been happening for a long time, much longer than 30 years. They aren't anything new, we just have the instant information age coupled with 24 hour news channels that beam things either to your phone, computer, tablet or tv within seconds of it happening.

The Oregon shooting was on here before the local or national media picked it up.

Originally posted by Merriman Weir

For a single winner, there's got to be many losers

Really? Suppose I succeed ("win") at selling my car at original value. That means I win, the buyer wins, my family wins, his family wins. That could be a dozen people winning because I won.

reply to post by GAOTU789


I did a bit of research on mass murders. They have indeed been happening for 30 years but the majority of those older ones were sparked by loss of a job,wife etc. These new ones are much different. The use of masks really makes me think of Facebook and the lack of face to face socializing that leaves them ill prepared to deal with the harsh world we live in.

Originally posted by Skyfloating

Originally posted by Merriman Weir

For a single winner, there's got to be many losers

Really? Suppose I succeed ("win") at selling my car at original value. That means I win, the buyer wins, my family wins, his family wins. That could be a dozen people winning because I won.

But that doesn't have the competitive context that's being talked about above.

I'm sure you're aware of that, or else you'd have not drawn attention to the way you were having to use the word 'win' by using quotes.

Originally posted by Merriman Weir

But that doesn't have the competitive context that's being talked about above.

I'm sure you're aware of that, or else you'd have not drawn attention to the way you were having to use the word 'win' by using quotes.

The world of buying and selling (also called Business) is a very competitive game. And if done correctly when one wins, many win. They win-win. Similar applies to sports or any other area of life.

You repeated the statement "where there is a winner there must be many losers" twice in this thread so I thought Id point out an alternative view.

reply to post by jimmiec


The common factor through most of the shootings seems to be mental illness.

reply to post by GAOTU789


I agree, but the question is, are we creating the mental illness or making it worse and making them unable to cope with it? Do social skills help with dealing with mental illness? I would argue that they do help. Obviously a very serious mental illness should be addressed by the mental health community.

Are you seriously trying to equate that losing a soccer game creates sociopaths?

This is the biggest stretch yet. Gods the general population is stupid.

Ignorance abounds. You are trying to use a massacre to propagate your agenda to smear child rearing influences that you don't agree with.

Understand mental illness before you try to make connections such as these.

It is actually a genetic factor. People have the genes to begin with, then a poor childhood will develop a psychopath. These people are BORN with issues, they have always had problems. They are also born without the ability to be empathetic.

It has NOTHING to do with winning or losing a soccer game.

Read this book:

The Science of Evil

reply to post by nixie_nox


What i am saying is that losing and coping with losing is important to mental stability. Lieing to a child all through their childhood does not give them the skills needed to cope with the reality of the harsh world we live in.