Nationalized Twinkies, Mutant Cat Girls, Death Stars, and Molossians: Why Direct Democracy Fails

Hello once again ATS.

This one will be short and sweet. At least my input into it should be ( or so that's the plan as I begin. ). I come to you tonight to demonstrate why the United States is, quite wisely, a Representative Republic and not a Direct ( or true ) Democracy.

We've all read about the secession petitions at The White House Petitions site. We're even, now, discussing the "Death Star" petition.

But those are just the tip of the iceberg. Let me show you just a few more of the gems to be found:

Socialist Twinkies - or Possibly "Obamakies"

Nationalize the Twinkie industry

We the undersigned, hereby request Barack Obama to immediately Nationalize the Twinkie industry and prevent our nation from losing her sweet creamy center.

Created: Nov 16, 2012
Issues: Civil Rights and Liberties, Human Rights

4,364 Signatures

Somebody, I Think, Watches A Bit Too Much Hentai...

Transfer funds from the drug war to fund the research and development of the genetic engineering of domestic cat girls.

We believe that the genetic engineering of cat girls could be potentially beneficial for the economy and an effective for use as domestic house servant. The money being used to fight the drug war is effectively pointless. We could be using this money to fund other much more important things such as the genetic engineering of cat girls for domestic use. The government could then sell these genetic household workers to boost the economy and try to further decrease the national debt. They could be used around the house so that the homeowners could pursue jobs to also boost the economy.

Created: Nov 19, 2012
Issues: Family, Government Reform, Science and Space Policy

1,134 Signatures

I Don't Like The First Amendment - Nope, Not At All

outlaw offending prophets of major religions

To enact a law that prohibits any action or literature that offend prophets of major religions:

- Moses

- Jesus

- Mohammad

Such acts offend billions of people, and cause unrest in the world. Furthermore, acts like this contradict the essence of coexistence and peace among humans. Labeling these acts as freedom of speech is similar to labeling murder as freedom of expression!

We all know the chaos such acts can cause, but it's difficult to answer the question: What do they contribute to our nation, or humanity in general?

Created: Sep 17, 2012
Issues: Civil Rights and Liberties

37,632 Signatures

Wait A Second.... OUCH!!!

Ban the practice of circumcising individuals under the age of 18.

Circumcision is a barbaric tribal practice that amounts to child abuse. Before any individual under go any permanent body modification such as tattooing or sex reassignment surgery they must be considered old enough to understand the consequences. You cannot understand the ramifications of this act to your physical being until after puberty, when your genitals have fully developed.

Created: Nov 14, 2012
Issues: Civil Rights and Liberties, Health Care, Human Rights

3,073 Signatures

And, my personal favorite...

Imperialist Swine - FREE MOLOSSIA! TYRANTS!

Grant recognition to the Republic of Molossia as a presidential republic in free association with the United States.

The Republic of Molossia is a micronation, located within and surrounded by the United States. We seek to enter into a Compact of Free Association with the United States, as a step toward eventual complete sovereignty. We recognize and respect the United States as the home country from which Molossia was born in 1977, and wish to continue and formalize our current peaceful and fruitful relationship. Engaging in a Compact of Free Association will prove beneficial to both nations and enable our peoples to enter a new era of growth and prosperity.

Created: Nov 13, 2012
Issues: Foreign Policy

266 Signatures

For those who don't know ( I didn't know until about 20 minutes ago, when I found the petition and found myself having to Google "Molossia", feeling as if public education had failed me yet again.... ) Wikipedia says the following about The Republic of Molossia...

The Republic of Molossia is a micronation, founded by Kevin Baugh humorously as a "dictatorial banana-republic" and headquartered solely from a tiny home near Dayton, Nevada.

It consists of Baugh's house (known as Government House), backyard and front garden, about 1.3 acres (0.5 ha) of land, as well as another property surrounded on all sides by Nevada. It formerly claimed a property in Pennsylvania as well. According to author John Ryan, Molossia is "a hobby... that has been pushed... to the nth degree." Originally established as a childhood project in 1977, Molossia subsequently evolved into a territorial entity in the late 1990s.

Molossia consisted of two properties (previously three), located within the continental United States and comprising a total area of 6.3 acres (2.5 ha). They are owned by Baugh. Harmony Province is located near Dayton, Nevada and is the smallest of Molossia's territories at little more than one acre in size. It is the Baugh family's primary place of residence, and the site of Molossia's designated capital, Espera.

The Protectorate of New Antrim was located at an undisclosed location in Pennsylvania and was the largest of Molossia's territories at a little over 8 acres (3.2 ha) in extent. It was named for the Northern Irish County Antrim and had its own governor, Grand Admiral Hess. It is no longer claimed by Molossia.

In August 2003, Baugh purchased a small piece of rural land in Northern California. This was referred to the Colony of Farfalla. The property was sold late in 2005, after Baugh inherited more land which he subsequently named Desert Homestead Province, in Southern California.[3] Desert Homestead was previously owned by Baugh's grandfather, and the property has since been declared a "national monument" dedicated to him.
Vesperia is the name of Molossia's claim of 49,881 square miles (130,000 km2) on the planet of Venus.
Also, Molossia claims a spot named Neptune Deep in the North Pacific Ocean, about 750 kilometres (470 mi) southwest of Mexico.

Molossian Flag


Molossian President Kevin Baugh

So... if ever you run into a person who wants to insist that Direct Democracy is a sound and valid concept - please direct them to this thread!

Here they can secede from America, board their own death star, face adult circumcision, and then relax with Obamakies - served by genetically altered cat women slaves.

Crazy freaking world...

~Heff

Like Churchil said - "The best argument against democracy is a five minute converation with the average voter."

edit- I dont see why you start off with the nationalizing of the twinkies. Many governments have stepped in to save industries throughout the years. Nationalization is always an awesome idea.

What's the problem? All those suggestions seem legit to me. We are talking about Twinkies! What's more important than that?

reply to post by Hefficide


Okay Heff. If President Baugh can preside over his little nation in Nevada, my faith in Freedom across America is somewhat restored. When that guy and his rows of noisy dinner plate medals clanks itself into the back of a federal car..then we'll need to worry.

In the mean time? What do they have to worry about anyway? Some talk political revolt. Some talk even more...but anywhere it matters to put a name to it, look what they see to judge people who care enough to stand up at all? Err... I'm surprised there isn't a 'Declare Jersey Shore' month or something. Perhaps I can start a 'Establishment of the (P)eople for the (E)ating of (T)asty (A)nimals' as a cabinet level position to support the hunting cause. I'll bet it would get more signatures than one might think, too. lol... These days? Heck.... When the Death Star gets over 25,000, anything is possible.

How many to bring back Elvis and reanimate Walt Disney?

I take your point all too well and it's so hard to be taken seriously, as a public, when we have a big red clown nose to go with the proper business suit.

Direct Democracy eh?

Nationalized twinkies even after the misses dictator tells Americans how "fat" we all are?

Yeah democracy is great when you form a gang, and are not one the short end of that stick.

And people don't forget that is one hell of a stick that beats down the minority.

Not a single word yet about genetically engineered cat girls????

ATS, don't make me lose faith here.

Originally posted by Hefficide

Not a single word yet about genetically engineered cat girls????

ATS, don't make me lose faith here.

I suppose no one here wants to mix and possibly confuse the truly good ideas with the whimsical, is all.

That has always been the obvious problem wih direct demoncracy, that a large part of every population just isn't very smart, and ends up slave to it's own most self destructive urges and desires for immediate gratification.

Even those with larger vision, capability to self disciplne and appreciation of long term effect and benefit end up enslaved by others' urges and dumb desires!

Just the fact that the media and the government can motivate the masses to follow and fight and give their lives in the name of establishing Democracy in other lands makes that clear! Even in a land which tends to proclaim it has less of the ignorant short sighted masses than in others.......

reply to post by Hefficide


Oh don't worry heff.....genetically engineered cat girls was my favorite.....I was reading it like "good lord sweet baby Jesus in a manger......cat girls??!!!"

I am not trying to offend those who approve of such beings,but it is sooooo hard for me to comprehend where that one even came from? Who thinks of these things and actually writes up a petition for them?

I am all for people having a voice in affairs of the state, but I can't get past this one.....I don't know if I should laugh, get depressed, or admire the sheer creativity of it??!!

Originally posted by Hefficide

Not a single word yet about genetically engineered cat girls????

ATS, don't make me lose faith here.

Well, I for one welcome our new Cat Girl overlords.

Originally posted by BritofTexas

Well, I for one welcome our new Cat Girl overlords.

Somehow seeing those cat ladies in nuns' habits just goes against the concept that Cat Girls bring to my mind. That might be an example of confusing the whimsical with a truly great idea, like I was speaking of. In my mind the more appropriate attire for them might be something like Chanel #5.

I think it shows the low level of regard that people have for the petition process. Everybody knows its a joke so they don't take it too seriously (see note below).

Personally i would prefer a system where an element of Demarchy is introduced. Specifically a randomly selected and cloistered jury for each session of government acting as an approving body.

If a piece of legislation cannot be understood and approved by a majority of that randomly selected body of citizens it doesn't become law. As a means of running the state and proposing legislation it wouldn't work. As a check on egregious legislation and corruption it could.


Note 1: Although, to be honest i thought the Circumcision petition not unreasonable. Is it really right in this day and age that parents can decide to chop parts of their kids off? If it is, should other forced body modification of minors also be permissible?