posted on Dec, 11 2012 @ 12:08 PM
For me the time has come to look back at myself, my life and how I became who I am today. The idea that the best way to move forward in life is
knowing the exact route I took to get to the reality I live in today couldn't be more obvious than it already is.
I'm a dreamer and always dream big. As far back as I can remember I always fantasized that I am very rich and happy. For instance when I was around
eleven years old a guy at a bodega offered to read my palm and told me that he can see very clearly that I will be a rich and well respected man. This
memory has been in the back of my mind ever since. Most of the time I would visualize finding a huge bag or a suitcase full of money. Living in a
beautiful house with a wonderful family. Working a job that I love etc.
I'm waiting for it to happen all my life, but the thing is that It already happened but I didn't notice it. I get obsessed with things all the
time. Unfortunately it's not always a good thing because I tend to overdo it most of the time. I have been addicted to drugs, alcohol, pain killers,
over the counter drugs, cigarets, internet, over spending, even surgery to name a few bad ones. The good ones are exercising, reading, working (not
sure if that's a good one). Each obsession usually wears off after a year or two, but it always gets replaces by something new. The bad ones win
My wife and my parents gave me way too many second chances. It feels like I won't be able to ever truly repay them because the love and support they
gave me is almost super natural.
The truth is that I'm blessed with an amazing family, I'm pretty healthy, live in a dream house and I do love my job. All I need now is to find a
bag of money.
I see now that while I am waiting to find that suitcase or a black garbage bag full of money on the side of a road I fail to see that everything I
have and ever had is a miracle. My life is amazing and I don't even understand how it happened.
It's like if my life was an airplane and I'm siting in the cockpit looking forward while flying on autopilot to some airport that doesn’t exist.
Just waiting for that landing strip to appear on the horizon, but not noticing that I already passed multiple landing strips that look almost the same
as the one I'm waiting for. Does that even make any sense?
It make me sad thinking about it. It's like if I accept that my life is a success then there's nothing to look for in the future, no landing strip
to appear on the horizon. But if I ignore that I already have what I need then what's the point of having it?
A question came into my mind recently, I can't choose the answer and it's driving me crazy. Just another obsession I guess.
I am interested to see how many people feel the same way. So here's the question...
If you had just one opportunity to use a time machine to go back and change something that you know was a big mistake, or go to a point in the future
when you just realized that you just made a mistake and have an opportunity to try to avoid it when you come back, What would you do?
I know it doesn't make much sense but I'm in one of those moods lately.