posted on Jan, 16 2013 @ 01:39 AM
When you were getting to know these women; were you being yourself, or were you embellishing it up a bit? Kinda like washing your car before you place
an ad. If so; that can lead to not feeling good enough for whom you may have landed...and now second guess every move every word...since the you that
you presented wasn't exactly realistic; compared to the man, you know you are when reflecting back upon yourself.
Either that or this woman is making you feel inadequate; through comments or suggestions, shaking your confidence. When that's the case; either A.
She actually doesn't feel you are good enough. or more likely B she doesn't feel good enough or insecure and threatened by other women from the
outside...so knocking you down a few notches so that you don't feel so confident, gives her more leverage, power and control.
If you look at her last relationships were the men kitty whipped so to speak? If so they didn't stand up to this test. So what is exactly the test?
Well, your honesty, your confidence, and if you can not falter in both, and put her in her place...so she knows if she stands above below or equal,
the games will keep being played until she figures it out...if it is an acceptable place she will stay...if not she will lose respect and either just
use you since you are now so whipped and willing; or get bored and move on.
I don't think many people that do this; are even aware that; that's what they are doing...so try not to harbor any ill feelings; just stand up for
yourself, draw a line and don't let anyone cross it...it's reasonable to have lines that people just can't cross with you...if not you'll land in
doormatville. By your other post it sounded to me that you enjoyed playing the game and still haven't sown as many oats as you need too, eventually,
you become at ease enough and comfortable in who you are and are always that person beyond facades etc; the lines you draw are apparent...if you
don't know your lines you just haven't dated enough. The reason I think this is you are still enticed by the thrill of the chase...the girl that was
available you like but really wanted the one that was unavailable...it's pretty textbook. But once in it; it's hard to see it for yourself
clearly...so one becomes confused and seeks out opinions.
Just be yourself, faults and all and have enough self worth not to get trampled by drawing reasonable lines that make a relationship Ideal to you.
My two lines not to cross? No lies and no cheating...just because liars cannot have a healthy honest dialog that can solve problems as they arise;
instead of solving it become placating that grows resentment, nothing is ever solved. The cheating is obvious; it's a respect thing, aside from
disease issues...why even bother being in a relationship if you haven't sown out all the oats? Where your life is not sexcentric? plus someone needs
to have enough spine to be able to say this isn't working for me sexually and have a dialog. Sure some people are poly amorous; that's when it is
good to have an open relationship, where both are in agreement...this is not the same thing as random hookup buddies, love and sex can exist
separately...whether the sex can be intimate or is just gratification in that type of relationship I am not sure...as that leaves my sphere of
When two people are relatively comfortable and secure; in who they are then both can grow a trusting friendship that grows and supports, not controls.
If you really love someone then you love who they actually are; not some ideal overshadowing who they may actually be, and slipping them into that
mold against their knowledge or will. Expectations of someone else; is a relationship killer...how can anyone expect someone to live up to their
expectations; when they can't even live up to their own most of the time...that's a sure sign of idealistic instead of realistic.
I hope my introspection from many years and many relationship failures; helps in some way. I have had three male friends my whole life and more women
friends than I can count...no not partners; but actual female friends, there's nothing wrong with putting women in the friend zone instead of trying
for the end zone; you will learn how the female mind works very well all you have to do is sit a female friend down over coffee and ask: How is