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Making a Decisions Help...

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posted on Dec, 6 2012 @ 10:18 AM
Just going to throw this out there...

I'm asking for some insight..I have a hard time making decisions..I guess I you could say I get overwhelmed by fear when making big decisions. I haven't always been this way, ten/fifteen years ago anything could go..I would pack a suitcase and be gone..without any fear of future. My husband and I have 2 little girls now 6/ when making plans our first thought is their safety, happiness and well-being above anything we may want. So with it goes...We are unhappy--not in our relationship or family..(family life is great)..we are unhappy with where we are at..mentally, physically, location, job..everything. Other than our happiness as a family, our lives are void..which sometimes put's strain on family life, but we are both really good at snapping back to reality and putting the kids first and making sure they don't see our sadness..if that makes sense.

We want to change this, but every time we set a plan in place we somehow discourage ourselves with fear of unknown. So, I am going to break down what I /want/need help..I'm hoping maybe someone on the outside could give advice, insight, whatever..

What we have:
-Good marriage/great kids/no family dysfunction (beyond being our weird selves

-My husband makes 40K/yr but HATES his job..we just found out he is being passed up again (3rd time for promotion) even though he works his tail off..they want to bring in someone from the outside @@
-I like my little side job which is portrait photography, but it is hit or miss around here because people are so broke and there are too many people doing photography for making this a full time job here would be difficult.
-House is almost paid off 19K left (we dislike this house bordering on hating it) it's really small and totally not functional for our family.
-HATE this area, boring small town (under 20K people..not much diversity and void of anything interesting to do or see) Only have chain restaurants and stores..people get excited over going to target kind of place.
-We all feel that our lives are just a day to day dull, lifeless routine of existence..and we both know that there is so much more waiting to be had, but don't know how to get there in day out it's just us..not many friends on the outside of these four walls.

What we want but are afraid to conquer :
MOVING--we would LOVE to move. My husband is from San Francisco, CA but that is out..too expensive. We both feel like moving to California would be a mistake financially. We are looking into St Louis, MO because it's not far from here and (forgot to mention my whole family lives here) reasonably priced living. We have also considered Austin, TX. We would like to be in the city somewhere..we both adore living a faster paced life..lot's of stuff to do..lot's of people..lot's of diversity..
Problem--we are 37 and 46..we almost have this house paid for and we fear mortgaging the rest of our lives for a bigger home in the city..not to mention affording it..renting is an option..but we prefer to have a place of our own.
Job- I am sure my husband could find great job that he loves if jobs were plentiful..but the reality as we tough. We are afraid if he tells his boss to take this job and shove it, we won't find another job out there that pays what he is making or higher..and already we are struggling..with 40K..but he is really miserable where he is at and that makes his life more stressful..I feel bad for him.

SO...Here it is..our life here is pretty stable-we have a home, our car is old but paid for, we have little debt beyond our is here..but we are unhappy with where we are at. We could wait here to become totally debt free ( 5 years or less) and then not struggle at all financially..other than utilities we would have all income to ourselves.

We could move and hope to find better job and more money..better living and feel happier..but at cost. I guess we are afraid of not making it in the city..and then where would we be..we are both GO-getters..we don't give up easy when it comes to working I have no fear of getting down and dirty when it comes to making money....moving with kids makes us feel like everything MUST be concrete..all plans must have a definite positive outcome..but at the same time I have this little spark in me that says 'just go...take the leap..there's no way you can fail'...but it still terrifies me having my girls..

So would you take the leap away from stability to find happiness? Or are we being childish in our we just need to buck up and deal with boring?

edit on 6-12-2012 by Neopan100 because: error

posted on Dec, 6 2012 @ 10:56 AM
Just a few suggestions, because I am more of a "safe" person as well.

Have you and/or your husband tried to find jobs in these cities online? There are lots of websites. Maybe you could get an interview lined up, take a day off and see what happens. That way you weren't moving "blind"

Maybe even taking a weekend and looking for apartments to start. Finding out what types of costs there are in the places your looking.

Just a few ideas.

posted on Dec, 6 2012 @ 11:03 AM
The challenge would be your husband finding a job there before even considering moving. If he can, then yes, move and be happy. As miserable as you both are, you are fortunate to have your wonderful family, having a job and are even able to afford your own home. That is way more than a lot of people have right now and I'm sure you know that. Good luck to you both. I wish you the best.
edit on 6-12-2012 by Night Star because: (no reason given)

edit on 6-12-2012 by Night Star because: (no reason given)

posted on Dec, 6 2012 @ 11:11 AM
reply to post by Night Star

Thank you..It is really hard online to convey something without sounding childish and spoiled..believe me we are not..our home (1000sqf/4 people) is by no means a mansion..and we aren't looking for that..we don't really care about material things we are just looking for happiness from living life (not by collecting toys) I hope I didn't come off as if we wanted more material possessions...we just want to be out there doing more..being around more people..trying new things again..

posted on Dec, 6 2012 @ 12:25 PM
Neopan, you basically wrote the state of my life right now as well...
My hubbie and I are going through a similar situation to you. Some ideas...
First and foremost is employment, but not just any job it has to work for you. It has to be what you want at the salary you want.
Secondly housing and community. You say you wish to keep your home because it's almost paid for, and I don't blame you. Why not rent it out?
One thing we did and still do, is travel to different places and thoroughly research each one that peaks our interest.Is that an option for you?
Some places have great jobs but bad housing..and vice versa.
I like to be safe too, so when in doubt, we do nothing.
I will say though,that we took a leap of faith a couple years back and left everything and everyone and moved across country with no jobs and no idea what we were going to do. We did have a great house lined up though.
Hubbie found work in 2 days and so our new life began.
I wouldn't recommend that to everyone, because in hindsight we should have planned some things better.
Only you know what is best for you. Don't settle for anything less.

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