Is this confidence to approach a woman or to build confidence in general? For the first my suggestion is simple. Even if you really, truly like the girl and find her to be the most beautiful specimen upon this earth, do not act as though you feel that way. Approach her within a manner of casual acceptance of thinking that you can always find someone else; that you do not really need her. Do not be an a-hole, obviously, but a woman does not really want a man who rolls over like a dog, reeking of desperation. By presenting yourself as a person with the ‘take her or leave her’ attitude you will show confidence but, more importantly, over time it will really sink into your head. Focus upon walking long enough and you can train yourself to walk however you desire.

As for general confidence building, because you were in the military your frame should obviously not be in need of improvement. Therefore I would recommend reading some Stoicism, find an inner calm. Inner calm presents itself as confidence and slowly you will be able to accept anything life throws at you calmly, rationally, and confidently. Lack of confidence is emotional so think of rejection, odd looks (real or imaginary), and people talking about you (real or imaginary) as being unable to hurt you. How is that possible? Get rid of the judgment, the distinctions, get rid of the “I am hurt” and you get rid of the hurt itself. Nothing, on its own, can emotionally hurt you; ONLY YOU can hurt you. Repeat after me: “Only I can hurt me. I am the master of myself. I am the master of my emotions. My emotions are slave to my will; my will is not slave to my emotions.”

Originally posted by Misoir
Is this confidence to approach a woman or to build confidence in general? For the first my suggestion is simple. Even if you really, truly like the girl and find her to be the most beautiful specimen upon this earth, do not act as though you feel that way. Approach her within a manner of casual acceptance of thinking that you can always find someone else; that you do not really need her. Do not be an a-hole, obviously, but a woman does not really want a man who rolls over like a dog, reeking of desperation. By presenting yourself as a person with the ‘take her or leave her’ attitude you will show confidence but, more importantly, over time it will really sink into your head. Focus upon walking long enough and you can train yourself to walk however you desire.

As for general confidence building, because you were in the military your frame should obviously not be in need of improvement. Therefore I would recommend reading some Stoicism, find an inner calm. Inner calm presents itself as confidence and slowly you will be able to accept anything life throws at you calmly, rationally, and confidently. Lack of confidence is emotional so think of rejection, odd looks (real or imaginary), and people talking about you (real or imaginary) as being unable to hurt you. How is that possible? Get rid of the judgment, the distinctions, get rid of the “I am hurt” and you get rid of the hurt itself. Nothing, on its own, can emotionally hurt you; ONLY YOU can hurt you. Repeat after me: “Only I can hurt me. I am the master of myself. I am the master of my emotions. My emotions are slave to my will; my will is not slave to my emotions.”

I've been living in the past for too long, I let what happened in the army affect my lifestyle and I am sick of it so now I am trying to change for the better but as some stated here earlier "practice makes perfect". I will do as you say and see if it takes root. In the meantime I have to actually meet some of these women to get a grasp on how to talk to the confidently. I appreciate the advice though.

The key to confidence is being proactive about the health of your mind, body, and soul. People immediately respect those who take care of themselves. Confidence also doesn't come overnight, you must build it gradually.

Body: Workout, eat healthy, maintain a clean appearance. Don't do it out of vanity, but understand that by being healthy and looking good, you radiate positivity. It is also an outward reflection of the discipline,self control, and care you put into yourself. Most people are too lazy to care what goes into their bodies because they know how much time and effort it requires, and will respect people who do put such time and effort. And don't preach to others about it, let your appearance speak for itself.

Mind: Learn as much as you can. Be able to talk to others about a wide range of subjects. Learn from your peers. Speak clearly and intelligently, reducing the usage of 'um' and 'like'. Look people in the eye when speaking to them. Place importance on them and they will place importance on you. Balance your intellectual confidence with humility and modesty, understanding that no matter how awesome you are, there is always room for improvement. Play up your strengths, your individuality, any unique talents or skills.

Soul: No matter what your belief system is, find a source of empowering and positive motivation. Find the beauty in life. Find meaning. When your soul is healthy and you feel happy, anything is possible. Negativity and things like fear of rejection or insecurity become things you can tackle. They are part of life but when you are confident and happy, you give yourself the tools to deal with them appropriately. Love freely, trust people, don't be closed minded, fearful, or stubborn. Give people the benefit of the doubt, understanding they may disappoint you, but also understanding the path of love and trust strengthens you in the long run.

Confidence is very much internal, but it goes hand in hand with the reactions and interactions of others to your efforts. In order for others to respect you (doesn't mean they have to like you), you must give them a reason. Being smart, healthy, and happy by doing such things as I mentioned above will win you respect over time, which will boost your confidence. This was my manual for transforming myself from a victim into a confident individual. It takes time and insecurity never goes away completely, but it's more a blip on my radar rather than a debilitating factor in my social life. I know that I am doing everything I can to be the best that I can be, and that gives me a reason to love and respect myself. And as many said, when you love and respect yourself, others will love and respect you back. Life and your reality is merely a reflection of what goes on in your head.

Originally posted by rj5000
The key to confidence is being proactive about the health of your mind, body, and soul. People immediately respect those who take care of themselves. Confidence also doesn't come overnight, you must build it gradually.

Body: Workout, eat healthy, maintain a clean appearance. Don't do it out of vanity, but understand that by being healthy and looking good, you radiate positivity. It is also an outward reflection of the discipline,self control, and care you put into yourself. Most people are too lazy to care what goes into their bodies because they know how much time and effort it requires, and will respect people who do put such time and effort. And don't preach to others about it, let your appearance speak for itself.

Mind: Learn as much as you can. Be able to talk to others about a wide range of subjects. Learn from your peers. Speak clearly and intelligently, reducing the usage of 'um' and 'like'. Look people in the eye when speaking to them. Place importance on them and they will place importance on you. Balance your intellectual confidence with humility and modesty, understanding that no matter how awesome you are, there is always room for improvement. Play up your strengths, your individuality, any unique talents or skills.

Soul: No matter what your belief system is, find a source of empowering and positive motivation. Find the beauty in life. Find meaning. When your soul is healthy and you feel happy, anything is possible. Negativity and things like fear of rejection or insecurity become things you can tackle. They are part of life but when you are confident and happy, you give yourself the tools to deal with them appropriately. Love freely, trust people, don't be closed minded, fearful, or stubborn. Give people the benefit of the doubt, understanding they may disappoint you, but also understanding the path of love and trust strengthens you in the long run.

Confidence is very much internal, but it goes hand in hand with the reactions and interactions of others to your efforts. In order for others to respect you (doesn't mean they have to like you), you must give them a reason. Being smart, healthy, and happy by doing such things as I mentioned above will win you respect over time, which will boost your confidence. This was my manual for transforming myself from a victim into a confident individual. It takes time and insecurity never goes away completely, but it's more a blip on my radar rather than a debilitating factor in my social life. I know that I am doing everything I can to be the best that I can be, and that gives me a reason to love and respect myself. And as many said, when you love and respect yourself, others will love and respect you back. Life and your reality is merely a reflection of what goes on in your head.

Well spoken. Even though my love life to this point has been non-existent, I saved enough money to remodel my house due to my financial wisdom of getting rid of debts. I believe my main problem has been my isolation but i'm enrolling to college sometime next year so I should have plenty of time to do all of the above one step at a time.

I did not have confidence until I reached the age of ,I think it was 42.
Thats when the I don't give a # about anything hit.
I became free at that moment from all my fears and constraints.
This is who I am,this is what I want.
If you don't like it,that is your own fault ,not mine.

That was about 6 years ago.

You become confident when no one has a hold on you and the world is yours.

Originally posted by PatrickGarrow17
Grow a mustache

Do you think it worked for him?

All this proselytizing about how to be confident. There's only one thing you really need to do, and that is to NOT CARE if you are with someone or not. Women are really used to men hitting on them, wanting them, pining for them. They expect it. They expect every man they meet to fall madly in love with them, and then they get to choose.

So don't do it. Pursue your own interests that have absolutely nothing to do with them. If you meet someone new, be polite, but do not try to solicit anything at all from them, including attention. Yes. Nice to meet you. Bye.

It'll drive them mad. They'll wonder of they are losing their touch. They'll think they've done something wrong. Then, if you don't look like the guy above, they'll pursue you.

Guaranteed results. Try it. Report back.

Getting out and taking classes is a good place to start.

Stop comparing yourself to others. There will always be people with more talents and looks than you and there will always be people with less talent and looks (or whatever yardstick you want to use).

Start by taking an inventory of your good qualities and appreciate yourself for who you are - animal lover? kind? generous? If you are unhappy, figure what kind of things make you happy/feel good about yourself. Focus on things that make you feel good and make them part of yourself.

If your unhappiness is so pervasive you might consider going to a counselor to work through whatever is making you feel bad. You need to let go of the baggage you are carrying. Don't expect another person to make you happy. People are attracted to happy, positive people.

There are tons of self-help books and articles that could help you reach your goal of self-confidence. Google your thread title and see if you can't find some expert advice to mull over.

Wishing you the happiness that comes from liking and loving yourself.

It's amazing how quickly one can lose confidence and it takes a long time to build it back up. Well I'm talkin from personal experience. Recently my illness returned and my confidence was completely shattered after it being at its highest point for years. One of the hardest things I've had to deal with. For me it takes time, time nd throwing yourself into uncomfortable situations, where you have to rely on yourself.