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Originally posted by Misoir
Is this confidence to approach a woman or to build confidence in general? For the first my suggestion is simple. Even if you really, truly like the girl and find her to be the most beautiful specimen upon this earth, do not act as though you feel that way. Approach her within a manner of casual acceptance of thinking that you can always find someone else; that you do not really need her. Do not be an a-hole, obviously, but a woman does not really want a man who rolls over like a dog, reeking of desperation. By presenting yourself as a person with the ‘take her or leave her’ attitude you will show confidence but, more importantly, over time it will really sink into your head. Focus upon walking long enough and you can train yourself to walk however you desire.
As for general confidence building, because you were in the military your frame should obviously not be in need of improvement. Therefore I would recommend reading some Stoicism, find an inner calm. Inner calm presents itself as confidence and slowly you will be able to accept anything life throws at you calmly, rationally, and confidently. Lack of confidence is emotional so think of rejection, odd looks (real or imaginary), and people talking about you (real or imaginary) as being unable to hurt you. How is that possible? Get rid of the judgment, the distinctions, get rid of the “I am hurt” and you get rid of the hurt itself. Nothing, on its own, can emotionally hurt you; ONLY YOU can hurt you. Repeat after me: “Only I can hurt me. I am the master of myself. I am the master of my emotions. My emotions are slave to my will; my will is not slave to my emotions.”
How is that possible? Get rid of the judgment, the distinctions, get rid of the “I am hurt” and you get rid of the hurt itself. Nothing, on its own, can emotionally hurt you; ONLY YOU can hurt you. Repeat after me: “Only I can hurt me. I am the master of myself. I am the master of my emotions. My emotions are slave to my will; my will is not slave to my emotions.”
Originally posted by rj5000
The key to confidence is being proactive about the health of your mind, body, and soul. People immediately respect those who take care of themselves. Confidence also doesn't come overnight, you must build it gradually.
Body: Workout, eat healthy, maintain a clean appearance. Don't do it out of vanity, but understand that by being healthy and looking good, you radiate positivity. It is also an outward reflection of the discipline,self control, and care you put into yourself. Most people are too lazy to care what goes into their bodies because they know how much time and effort it requires, and will respect people who do put such time and effort. And don't preach to others about it, let your appearance speak for itself.
Mind: Learn as much as you can. Be able to talk to others about a wide range of subjects. Learn from your peers. Speak clearly and intelligently, reducing the usage of 'um' and 'like'. Look people in the eye when speaking to them. Place importance on them and they will place importance on you. Balance your intellectual confidence with humility and modesty, understanding that no matter how awesome you are, there is always room for improvement. Play up your strengths, your individuality, any unique talents or skills.
Soul: No matter what your belief system is, find a source of empowering and positive motivation. Find the beauty in life. Find meaning. When your soul is healthy and you feel happy, anything is possible. Negativity and things like fear of rejection or insecurity become things you can tackle. They are part of life but when you are confident and happy, you give yourself the tools to deal with them appropriately. Love freely, trust people, don't be closed minded, fearful, or stubborn. Give people the benefit of the doubt, understanding they may disappoint you, but also understanding the path of love and trust strengthens you in the long run.
Confidence is very much internal, but it goes hand in hand with the reactions and interactions of others to your efforts. In order for others to respect you (doesn't mean they have to like you), you must give them a reason. Being smart, healthy, and happy by doing such things as I mentioned above will win you respect over time, which will boost your confidence. This was my manual for transforming myself from a victim into a confident individual. It takes time and insecurity never goes away completely, but it's more a blip on my radar rather than a debilitating factor in my social life. I know that I am doing everything I can to be the best that I can be, and that gives me a reason to love and respect myself. And as many said, when you love and respect yourself, others will love and respect you back. Life and your reality is merely a reflection of what goes on in your head.
Originally posted by PatrickGarrow17
Grow a mustache
Originally posted by PatrickGarrow17
reply to post by schuyler
I had something more like this in mind: