Why do girls all come at once?

Now here is a forum I didn't think I would be making a thread in (as I thought I had this all under wraps)...

I got out of a long relationship a couple years ago that was on the cusp of marriage. Dated a few girls until I met one that ended up moving away. Her and I were together for about 12 months although it was entirely casual, but she did something by kind of shifting my goals towards looking for something longterm again.

Since her, I met two girls around the same time, had a brief fling with the one and the other had a significant other so it didn't materialize to anything. The fling turned into something long distance with no commitment, but then I found 2 or 3 other girls for casual steady dating in between.

So... Fast forward to today and the fling and I have been discussing making a few changes in our lives to be together, and I'm ready to drop the other casual girls by the wayside. The problem, is the girl that I met right during the fling, happens to get back in contact with me and is interested now that her and her relationship has dwindled.

So, I'm not getting any younger. And marriage is in the cards whether I like it or not. The problem is the initial feelings I had for the fling and the untouchable girl, were about equal when I met the two of them. Both have their negative qualities but are completely outweighed by their good qualities. I'm leaning more on the untouchable girl simply because I have a few things more in common with her, except that I have been talking about planning to move forward with the fling girl.

Now I feel like I'm in a rock and a hard place, because I have been secretly swooning over the one girl, but she was entirely out of my reach. Now that she is in the picture, I feel like I'm letting down the other girl knowing however, that the one is probably a better match for me.

No clue what to do... I think maybe this is a rant more than anything.

I swear I've gone through dry spells with no girls in my life at all and then all of a sudden they pop out of every corner making the choices unbearable...

reply to post by boncho


so how many of these women are you sleeping with at anyone time? more importantly whats your high score?

Find the one you see yourself actually lasting with, for all you know this could be your last lucky streak and go for the wrong one and kick yourself for making the wrong choice and having no more options lol..... I know I'll get flamed for this but as a guy I would sleep with that unreachable girl just to know I did (terrible I know) then make a relationship with the girl you can see yourself with.....

I think that acting like your natural self instead of being "on the prowl" so to speak is more attractive to us girls.

Being a mature male and not looking for a relationship but being available will attract females like bees to honey.

You should not ever think that someone is out of your league either. If you can make a girl laugh and hold a good conversation you would be surprised how successful you can be.

reply to post by boncho


If someone is willing to leave off with someone else for you because what they are currently wearing is no longer fashionable, they'll do the same with you when your season falls out of favor.

If you're looking long-term, go with the safest most reliable and BORING option.
Boring is good. Boring is predictable. Boring you can count on to be home when you expect it to be home.

If you're looking for long term, permanent, you may as well pop the cork on the children trolley too as children will often tie you together where otherwise sayanora suckah would be sung.

Go for boring and cash in your 2.2 offspring ticket.

Originally posted by DocHolidaze
reply to post by boncho

 

so how many of these women are you sleeping with at anyone time? more importantly whats your high score?

A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. It's really not about that with me. I may see multiple women at the same time, but it's strictly because they all possess certain qualities that are different and that I find fulfilling.

It's only so often I meet a girl that is well rounded and has multiple qualities, once that happens it's monogamy time...

And a note to some people reading, I'm straight up in my relationships, I'm not running around telling girls they are the only one in my life and I love them or any nonsense like that... So don't get your panties in a twist.

They all come at once because when you are looking for a girl, the law of attraction gives you many possibilities.

This is how the universe works, and most people just call it a coincidence.

I hope that one day, we will realize that our thoughts create our reality.

The same goes with job opportunities, or whatever it is you're interested in.

How many of us have noticed this happening in our lives, when we really want something, we find many opportunities present themselves..

reply to post by boncho


You Stud





The advice here would be to simplify things and stop running from what you don't understand. You're never going to understand women that way. Understand? Getting action doesn't seem to be a problem for you and it's obvious you want more. You've matured Boncho. Welcome to the world of grown-ups to where you wish you didn't know now what you didn't know then.

Try as you might you're never going to find a woman who is going to fill every void in your life. The more promiscuous among us keep trying though huh? The trick is to find the one who is the easiest to work with in regards to helping you in that area. If that sort of thing is important to you. You're always going to look back at other women and say "What if". We all do that.

Acquire tunnel vision for one and keep that focus. The only way to find out if it's the right or wrong decision is to actually MAKE the decision and go for it.

You only live once man, make it count.

Originally posted by TheForced
I think that acting like your natural self instead of being "on the prowl" so to speak is more attractive to us girls.

Being a mature male and not looking for a relationship but being available will attract females like bees to honey.

You should not ever think that someone is out of your league either. If you can make a girl laugh and hold a good conversation you would be surprised how successful you can be.

Yeah, I think this is why maybe I got so much attention all at once. It's a catch 22 though, because all the girls that chase you during these phases when you're not looking for anything, they all end up wanting to settle down after a week or two of dating...

And never had a problem with the "out of your league" issue, except maybe back in highschool. For guys with this problem, all they have to do is date one girl they categorize like this, and it should break that habit...

Originally posted by Druscilla
reply to post by boncho

 

If you're looking long-term, go with the safest most reliable and BORING option.
Boring is good. Boring is predictable. Boring you can count on to be home when you expect it to be home.

If you're looking for long term, permanent, you may as well pop the cork on the children trolley too as children will often tie you together where otherwise sayanora suckah would be sung.

Go for boring and cash in your 2.2 offspring ticket.

edit on 5-12-2012 by Druscilla because: (no reason given)

Neither of the 2 girls I can't decide between are boring.

You've pretty much answered your own question here dude;

Now I feel like I'm in a rock and a hard place, because I have been secretly swooning over the one girl, but she was entirely out of my reach. Now that she is in the picture, I feel like I'm letting down the other girl knowing however, that the one is probably a better match for me.

Here's the thing. What do YOU want. Forget about the moral implications for a second, and ask yourself this, completely honestly. Is girl number one someone you're going to keep, or is it just a flight of fancy because something you couldn't previously have has just literally jumped into the boat with you. Or do you see girl number two as the keeper even though she seems the easier sell and somehow less of a challenge?

So, I'm not getting any younger. And marriage is in the cards whether I like it or not. The problem is the initial feelings I had for the fling and the untouchable girl, were about equal when I met the two of them. Both have their negative qualities but are completely outweighed by their good qualities. I'm leaning more on the untouchable girl simply because I have a few things more in common with her, except that I have been talking about planning to move forward with the fling girl.

I think the names here speak volumes as to your uncertainty with both. I know you're just labelling them here for clarity, but I guess if you're calling one "untouchable girl" and the other "fling girl," then shouldn't that say something for your true thoughts on them?
All I can say is sit back and allow the answer to come to you, like any major decision. Don't be in a rush to get to the ending. If either of these girls are genuine keepers, it will figure you on the right path.

If you weigh up the pros and cons and what you really want, then the answer will come along. It just may not be the one you expect.

Originally posted by xxshadowfaxx
They all come at once because when you are looking for a girl, the law of attraction gives you many possibilities.

This is how the universe works, and most people just call it a coincidence.

I hope that one day, we will realize that our thoughts create our reality.

The same goes with job opportunities, or whatever it is you're interested in.

How many of us have noticed this happening in our lives, when we really want something, we find many opportunities present themselves..

Well someone out there is getting a hell of a lot of good things in their life without having ever thought about it... seeing as everything I've ever wanted has slipped on past.

I think boncho might have one of my girls there...

*shakes fist at karma*

Ahh the old 'if you believe it, it will happen' trick.. missed it by this much. *squeezes finger and thumb together*

i was lured here by my subconscious mind, by your title
my subconscious mind was disappointed
so was mini me

reply to post by boncho


I don't have any specific advice, but I can certainly relate to what you're going through. I have also gone through long dry spells.....Only to get a girl-friend, and suddenly I'm getting hit on right and left.

Why? I don't know....but it sure seems like a real phenomenon. Pheromones perhaps? Or maybe we act differently in some subtle subconscious way when we're with someone....Perhaps when we are not in a relationship we are less confident,and it makes us seem less attractive?

Tis' a true mystery, my friend!

Originally posted by Spacespider
i was lured here by my subconscious mind, by your title
my subconscious mind was disappointed
so was mini me

edit on 5-12-2012 by Spacespider because: (no reason given)

I have another story about that, unfortunately it violates t&c...

reply to post by boncho


Ahh Boncho,so many women and so little time.
I tend to agree with Druscilla's post,good luck.

You outta stick with the "fling" girl. You already made plans with her did you not? (stick to your word)
the one you have been secretly "swooning" over, can you give us more details on why her previous relationship ended?

reply to post by 74Templar

Here's the thing. What do YOU want. Forget about the moral implications for a second, and ask yourself this, completely honestly. Is girl number one someone you're going to keep, or is it just a flight of fancy because something you couldn't previously have has just literally jumped into the boat with you. Or do you see girl number two as the keeper even though she seems the easier sell and somehow less of a challenge?

To be honest both are still challenges. Because even though I've been more intimate with "fling girl" she has a huge number of guys after her. And considered a prize by any standard. Her career is a little more private as it's more anonymous than the other. Although she is very down to earth at the same time and I get on with her great.

The second one is a little bit more innocent, but has an even larger fanbase and her life is more public. So part of me is kind of dreading the fact that I have to deal with tons of weirdos looking at her and she can't even be rude to them because it would affect her career. And then as far as her personality, she is along the same lines, but a little more innocent...

As a women, I have to say, you need to go with the one that makes your heart beat just a bit faster. The one that you think about most. (You know you do!)
It may not be easy to tell the other, but you sound like you will be able to let her down kindly.

Go with your gut Boncho!!!!