posted by nerbot: "This may sound harsh but it seems like you're happy to discuss this with the whole world so far except the one person you
This is actually a very good point, though not in the way he/she meant it I think...
What I've noticed in my life is that we chicks tend to talk out our problems with our friends etc, so, by the time the guy hears about it, we've had
maybe hooouuuurs of conversation about it, and he's hearing it for the first time. So, it's hard for him to be on the same page, y'know? Like,
we're all ready near the end of the chess game, as an example, and he doesn't even know there's a game going, y'know? I really worked on breaking
that habit, beyond a short, 'what do you think?', but not totally talk it to death before talking to the person it actually concerns. Plus, often
times, a friend who's either mad at her man, or conversely, lovey dovey, can really affect the kind of advice you get, y'know? It is a strange
phenomenon that when one chick in the group of friends is having trouble with her man, very often it like, spreads...Do guys do this too? lol. Also,
sometimes people can't stand to see other people happy when/if they're not, and will undermine you, even when not doing it consciously. Man, I'm
cynical...lol. Nah, just real...
In this particular situation though, I tend to think, yeah...dog...If he was surfing porn, that'd be totally different. That's being curious,
that's window-shopping. The dating site that you both agreed to quit, is shady, IMO.
Now, I have to say that a couple things jumped out at me:
1. You say you implicitly trust your friend. Okay, you know her, I don't...But...What was this happily married friend doing on a dating site?!
2. You said he had no self esteem/confidence when you met...RED FLAG!!!
3. You say you lack confidence and/or gun-shy yourself. Well, nothing wrong with that, but, that is like blood in the water for creeps, honestly. They
see you coming from a mile away. You gotta work on that, or you'll keep attracting losers/users/creeps and worse. Just my opinion. You'll be better
off for it anyway, right?
Anyway, good luck
It's been my experience that you meet 'the right one' when you're not looking, y'know? Got a flat tire, the guy that stops to help you, that kind
Or, more often, 3 cool guys show up right when you've met someone cool, after months of nothing...lol
Keep your chin up! You're your own best friend, or your worst. If you aren't happy with yourself, no one will make you happy; they honestly
couldn't, and it's not up to them. That would turn out to be an unhealthy relationship.
Oh, and one more thing: keep yourself busy, that helps, and when you meet someone, KEEP BUSY! Seriously, keep doing all the things you did before for
the most part. I had a buddy point this out - "You ever notice how you meet someone, they've got this busy life, everything's cool, you hang out a
couple times a week...Then, a month or two later, they're there all.the.time...Like, didn't they used to have a life? Friends? Stuff they did
without you?" Another total RED FLAG! And for yourself, if you find yourself doing it.
Anyway...whew, sorry to ramble on! lol. Like I said, Good Luck!