reply to post by timidgal
First I want to point out something that many people don't realize happens. If you post a picture on a dating site that is part of a network of
dating sites, that picture may be used in a "fake" profile to tease people to join a site. Just because it says "online" doesn't mean it's the
actual person and usually you would have to pay to be able to find out who is really behind the picture.
The other thing to consider is that as a single man I had a desperate and lonely phase where I posted my profile to any dating site I could find and
didn't bother to really see what the site was about. Eventually I found a few sites that I liked and in some cases found some new friends that I
didn't really click with in a way that was more than friendship. From my point of view, I go there to catch up with my friends and should I find
someone significant, might not think much about going there to converse with friends.
It's also possible that he was there removing his account or changing his status and it was just dumb luck that your friend happened to see him
If none of that is true and this guy truly is straying then perhaps I can offer some insight.
Too good to be true:
You spend years chasing a dream. This dream consumes your entire life and then one day you accomplish it. Because so much of your existence and your
life has revolved around this dream you have to wonder if it's really happened. Have you finally achieved your goal. A part of you wants to believe
it's too good to be true because that would mean a large part of your life just came to an end and your left thinking.. "Now what?". If a guy finds
that one perfect flower he's going to wonder if there is something he's missing and if his sudden declaration of commitment might have been too much
too soon. Most guys profession of love and commitment can sometimes come as a surprise to the guy when he inadvertently discovers his true feelings.
So now he's facing the idea that the chase is over, that his days of looking have come to an end and he may be wondering.. "Now what?" With that he
goes off to his usual haunts to see if there are any qualities, of the other women he has communicated with, that he wants to see in his "perfect"
Whatever puts a smile on my face:
Some guys are just [expletive deleted]. The one goal they have is to own a woman that will give him what he wants and thinks he needs. For some guys
this is just sex. For others it's the beginning of a new relationship, or the feeling of someone wanting him. Or just the need to have someone there.
Whatever it is, it's not about the woman or a relationship, it's about what they can get from another person. Just because a guy is smart, doesn't
always mean he has good intentions or is a nice guy. These guys will say and do whatever they think will make you happy even if they don't actually
feel that way. The moment you smile at them making a commitment they foolishly think that means you trust them so completely that they can have their
cake and eat it too. Sadly, these types of guys make it harder for the truly sincere ones to find someone.
I'm an idiot:
I was once in a relationship where the woman I was with said "I love you." I honestly wasn't really thinking and having been in a loving and
committed relationship in the past, the automated response was "I love you too." That was how that phone conversation ended. As I set the phone down
I marveled at my response. Did I really mean that or was it just natural to say it? How do I really feel about this person? The questions just
continued from there and with each one I didn't have a good answer for I felt myself doubting the veracity of all my feelings for this woman. Well,
the next day, being the type of person I am, I met her and told her that I wasn't thinking about what I was saying and that I did care for her but I
honestly wasn't sure the true depth of my feelings but I wanted to continue the relationship because I felt it could be more. In short, I told her..
"I'm idiot." She thought so too and promptly ended the relationship.
It's the way of the world:
Let's be honest, generally speaking women cheat about as much as men do. In fact some guys might have gotten the idea that it's simply the way of
the things. They find someone to "nest" with, then they find someone to have sex with, someone to talk with, and any other number of people to fill
in whatever wants they have. They expect the woman will do the same. Sadly some guys just believe it's the way things are, expect that if they get
caught all they have to do is apologize, spend some time "being good" then make sure they don't get caught when they do it again.
Beyond all that I honestly couldn't say what the issue is. I like to believe that I look at people as individuals and if I keep having bad
relationships then I'm just picking the wrong type of people.