reply to post by timidgal
Given the fact you didn't state this in your OP yet heavily implied he WAS living with you, I can only assume you two were having sex.
You said that you BOTH agreed to leave the dating sites behind.
He told you he was ready to settle down............................but did he specifically state that it was YOU he wanted to settle down with? Be
honest .If he did, then he lied and he's a dog.
Too many people these days though go with innuendo's and assumptions because they think their experiences can speak for themselves. They think that
spelling things out verbally is childish somehow because we should all, as adults, know how things work when certain things are implied. Well, that
apparently isn't the case.
You BOTH have to clarify verbally to each other what it is you want. Face to face, on the phone, texting, whatever it takes. If you don't know 100%
then you didn't really have any business letting him live with you. I'm only saying this because there are so many things in your post that are open
Which is worse, clarifying things 100% verbally to each other at the outset, or being in this predicament to where you just don't know what his
intentions really are? Sitting down and talking things out won't get your heart broken. Building a relationship with innuendo's and projections will
You might not want to hear this but apparently you two didn't have as much chemistry as you originally thought. It also sounds like you rushed into
things because, despite what you said about not NEEDING someone to feel complete, you wanted this to work out too bad. Bad enough that you TOLD
yourself that you both have chemistry, have the same 5 year plan for starters, and all the other "sureties" that people try to solidify before diving
into the deep end. I know you're independent and that your previous relationship turned out bad, but no one WANTS to be alone timid-gal. Especially at
this time of year.
Sorry , but it sounds like you were projecting your own wants onto the man, and it sounds like he was going along with it just to “get him some”.
He did his own brand of projecting. A man who, by all accounts, sounds like a dog anyway. Someone said he might be insecure. That sounds doubtful from
what you said. I've got enough insecurities to fill a 30' trailer from Casa Grande and I would never tell a woman I want something as sure as a long
term relationship, then turn around and sign up for dating sites. If we weren't together and not talking to each other on a steady basis that would be
one thing. That would be verifying that everyone really does pale in comparison to you. But he was living with you and doing this? He's not insecure.
He's a dog.
You mentioned your previous relationship ended bad and that he was a sociopath who ended up stalking you. Or in your words “haunted” you. I don't
know how long you were together, but it's no secret that after two people have been together long enough, they rub off on each other. They pick up
some of the qualities of the other. The relationship ended and you got your heart broken. As a result of that and the fact that you didn't want to get
hurt again, maybe some of those “stalking” qualities your ex had, you picked up on as a defense mechanism so you wouldn't get hurt again. That's
understandable since no one WANTS to get hurt and you sound like a sensitive girl. But don't become the type of person you say you despise. That's not
going to help your cause much.
Remember, talking things out beforehand won't get your heart broken. It will help you make sure that what you want is right for you so won't get your
heart broken down the line. Find someone as sensitive as you and I doubt very seriously that things will go wrong. And if you don't read people that
well, get a friend or family member involved who can and who has your best interest at heart to help you out. Sounds like you need a sensitive and
caring man. Some of us can come across as being otherwise, but that's only because of the life we've led. Don't let our gruff exterior put you off.
A good woman like you should be able to see through all that anyway.
edit on 5-12-2012 by 4DuecesWild because: (no reason given)