reply to post by curiouscanadian777
I will genuinely consider all of the points you made - I'm certainly not perfect and by my own admission, I responded poorly because of my past
experiences. I don't know if I would consider that to be immature, per se, as much as I would consider it be to a self-defensive mechanism;
something I think we probably all employ at some point when we are feeling vulnerable. At least from my perspective, you can be the most seasoned and
intellegent person in most aspects of life while at the same time have a vulnerability in certain particular areas - in my case, it's when it comes
to matters of the heart. With that said, please let me clarify a few things:
No, it was not me spying as it never even occurred to me that there was a possibility that he might be doing this since he was the one who was always
so intent about being exclusive. I'm going to have to deal with my friend's motivations for feeling the need, or perhaps getting a kick out of
spying herself, and why she is on a dating website is hard for me to fathom. I see her together with her adoring husband and children and it's an
enigma to me. I doubt I will look upon her in quite the same way ever again. That too is a loss for me and perhaps that's why I have many more male
friends than females.
Just because he's a therapist didn't make a difference to me - he was the man I was in love with and I didn't see any signifigance in the fact that
he talks for a living. In this situation, his profession, I thought, was not a consideration because this was a personal matter and I thought he
would respond as any other person being put on the spot would do. I acted emotionally and yes, self-defensively, and this is something I'll be
working on for myself going forward.
I did speak with several of my male friends today and they all told me, more or less, what has been said here. In some cases, even in a more blunt
fashion, lol. They, of course, know me better so some of the incorrect assumptions just didn't come into play. The timing of my rant was not
pre-planned to exclude my friends; I just happened to be on the site when the SHTF.
My true motivation in posting the rant was to try to get some of these intense feelings off of my chest. Perhaps I was looking for some validation
for my actions, but I was genuinely interested in finding out what makes men tick so to speak. There was no hidden or concealed agenda here - it was
merely a matter of timing.
I'll take into account all of the other points made but that's obviously going to take some time for me to process - it's hard to take a good long
look at oneself in the mirror, but that's not saying that I'm not willing to assume responsibility or consider that some of those points were valid.
I merely need to think about them, but I will admit that I take offensive when someone generalizes about any group of people, whether they are men,
woman, doctors or lawyers and her comments about women yakking, plotting and the such were so contrary to the person I am, can you really blame me for
getting defensive? Yes, I asked for advice on what makes men tick but I felt that her comments were too insensitive and incorrectly personalized.
I thank you for your candor and I absolutely agree that mollycoddling is not what I'm looking for. I've never received that on this website which
is why I participate here and no where else. I want to grow as a person and once that happens, perhaps the outcome will be different next time.
I'm going to post a final comment for all to see. It's not a pretty picture but I think it might put things into a final perspective. I suppose it
will highlight the fact that I am not really ready for a serious relationship, but as I said before, I've been nothing but honest in my posts and
have taken something positive away from each of them.
Again, thank you for taking the time to respond in such depth. You are a kind and generous person. Above all else, you are honest and that it
oftentimes a trait that's hard to come by.
Take care and thank you again.