She knew nothing of who or what she was. She only knew for certain that she was unlike any others she had encountered.Lost since she was very small,
she had but fragmented pieces of memory. Like a jagged edge jig saw, nothing fit from her mind to her surroundings.
As she traveled from place to place, she allowed her senses to fill with the wonders of each new sensation. The air smelled different, but she found
it tolerable. The cold salty ocean, the hot dry desert,the lush coolness of the forest...none felt like home.
By day she hid in shadows, spying through eyes that see the world as foreign. By night she moved more freely, like the mist in the air that settles to
dew by sunrise.
She avoided the most populated places. She felt uncomfortable, stifled. Afraid of being stared at or spoken questions for which she had no
answers.Solitary, was the best confinement. It was safe, but it was lonely.
Almost every species on this planet either travels in packs, or has a mate, even if for a short time.But she knew that was not meant to be for her.Not
here, not now,perhaps not ever. At times her solemn mood was a heavy weight to bear.
"How can one be surrounded by others in body, yet be so alone in spirit? Be so surrounding by things, yet empty? Stand directly to the sun, yet feel
When she was young and inexperienced to the ways of this world, her curiosity would lead to dangerous situations. It was difficult at that tender age
to maintain a brave yet stoic facade.At times she would falter, leaving herself vulnerable.
The draw to observe was too alluring to ignore.The innocence of the young so quickly and easily corrupted.The old cast away as useless.The daily
routines rarely wavering yet seem to serve little purpose and be almost automated. There was no harmony, no reason. She failed to understand.There was
no warmth of welcome felt anywhere. For this,she shied away.
Although older, and more practiced - she remains erred on the side of caution. Her own protection taking precedence over all else, her emptiness
finding no fill.
There is sanctuary in silence. The noise of the world at times too much to tolerate. The bombardment breeds fear. It used to be that quiet places were
easy to find in abundance. Then, not so much.Even the most remote of places was easily tainted by the daily routine. They with their prying eyes
intruding into every shadow she can merge with. Where doors once hung, are now windows.
It is on this night, when the moon is whole and the stars in perfect place, when the air is chilled, and the rain falls, that she remembers the
beginning, or the ending, of which she has no certainty. How does one judge a beginning or ending? By emotions, by place , by time? Does not one
always precede another in a continuous cycle? The variables are endless.
Lightning flashes in the deep recesses of her mind...each brilliant illumination containing a moment of finality. One by one they vanished at first.
Then in clusters.The trinkets of the daily routine falling to the ground discarded.So many gone. Like the emptiness of her soul spilled out onto the
world and drove them all away.Then the decay began. Slowly at first. The green life turned to brown death. The tall crumbled to dust. The wind blew no
longer the sweet pollen but the acrid dust and ash of all that once was.She knew not why. She knew not how. She only knew the guilt that comes with
being the survivor.
She banishes the memories as quickly as they come.
The night sky brings comfort to the solitude. The stars cluster like family and flicker their language of pure light. As if words spoken a billion
years before were simply for her alone.
All that she is , is the experience she endures, and though she feels the grandeur around her, it is disconnected. She , herself has been the only
forsaken one,and she knows not why.
She moves with the grace and speed of the wind from place to place. The sensations different yet familiar, till they all blend together. The only
constant, being alone.
“Running hard. Hurts.Rip me open. Taste blood. My legs are weak. Pain goes everywhere. Breath intoxicating. Out, In. Give me your life’s
breath..mine is dying.”
The wind it howled like the wolf at the harvest moon. A kindred spirit to both, she felt. The night enveloped her in a dark blanket of silhouettes,as
she walked over cool grass to the river.
The water, like a mirror, reflected the sky above and the twin moons appeared like giant eyes looking deep into her, through her.
And as she knelt by the waters edge,she was overcome and stunned by the thoughts in her mind. She had searched for another, for a meaning, for a
purpose, and she had found nothing. Perhaps nothing was all there was. She whispers softly,her tongue vaguely remembering it’s purpose. The longing
feels more than ever and she questions her existence and preservation of. She longs for a reason, in that which appears to have none.
“Frigid.Like the warmth melted away and my blood froze in my veins.My bones feel like ice. If I were to slip beneath the waves- would I feel more
pain, or less? Would I cry out in fear, agony? Even if I didn’t want to? Would I change my mind at the last second? Would survival instinct take
control and take over? How long would it take…
Would I fight or surrender….
How long before the cold turns to warm? How long do I sink, or float? How long before pieces of me are engorged, rotten….
Should I, would I, could I, take a breath and another. Or hold it…How long is just enough…. to keep life in, or let it go.Easy, or hard? Does one
feel grief from the transition at what’s lost or joy at what’s to come? Would I feel remorse, sadness, or failure of myself?”
Her despair emanated like a beacon on energetic waves beyond the measure of man, and beyond which any other would hear. But it was not any other that
From the deepest, darkest corner of our known reality,her thoughts were heard. And there, as in everywhere,the thoughts created a reality.An
enlightenment. An illumination. A light brighter than all men could create alone.And it felt her sadness, her despair, and her need.
She rose up, and took one step, then another, the icy liquid covering her feet.When the water began to ripple, and the moon to get brighter, and the
sky turn to the color of day in an instant. In horror, she recoiled from the water, afraid of what was happening and what was to come.
Like a pillar to the heavens it shone down upon her. A light so bright it swallowed every dark shadow.And every cell within her was filled with light,
and she happily surrendered to it.A warmth unlike any other, familiar, comforting, welcoming…. home.
As the emptiness inside her filled to overflowing, she knew the beginning was the end as it had always been.She understood the meaning, her purpose,
and that she had never been alone.
Eternity infinity- and no one is truly forsaken.
edit on 5/12/12 by masqua because: All Caps in title