Lovers can not be Friends and Friends can not be Lovers

"If you lose money you can ever find but if you lose a friend you may find another but a true one never again but still love is the best friend"


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I was thinking many times about this matter....if lovers in a couple can be friends and I guess not.

When you love someone as your partner for life you cannot be friend with that person.

If someone will say that his partner for life is his(her) best friend than I believe that he is living in a Lie.

Because love has many hidden rooms and someday we may enter in these rooms and I guess they may not be friendly,it could be dark and cold inside.


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Almost like we are afraid to find these rooms but accidentally we may and then....suddenly the partner of life considered friend became an undefined person for us.

They say friends are forever, but if so, what are lovers? ...maybe just lovers!


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Maybe you can help with this matter to understand better if "Lovers can not be friends and friends can not be lovers".

reply to post by piequal3because14

Lovers can not be friends and friends can not be lovers

friendship is about respect. why shouldn't lovers respect each other ?

reply to post by icepack

friendship is about respect. why shouldn't lovers respect each other ?

Until one of them enters in one of those dark rooms .

reply to post by piequal3because14

you mean, when one partner or both have secrets, which they don't share ?

Originally posted by icepack
reply to post by piequal3because14

 

you mean, when one partner or both have secrets, which they don't share ?

Something like that and maybe more...when promises were made...when trust has gained.

I agree completely, I had a male friend once who got really weird cos I wouldn't shag him and be his g/f lover.

it was like, another head was engaged and he started to behave like a total dkhd.

the OP is right.

reply to post by piequal3because14

this is all very complicated and for most of us, love is like a lottery. but there are examples of good relationships in this world, so it is possible.

It depends on the couple. If they genuinely love each other, they wouldn't need to hide anything from each other, other than surprises. I disagree with the statement entirely, and I've heard of it many times before. Love is a higher level of friendship, and if you can't be friends then how can you love?

reply to post by piequal3because14
interesting idea, i suppose for me it depends what you mean or how you define lovers.

To love even oneself, one will have to love and accept those dark pockets you call rooms. Easier said than done, but do we have a choice in the matter? Also with friendship whether we know it or not we are always expecting something.Sometimes a relationship will reveal what we were expecting and that can be a real gift.

Relationships will never be able to be generalised into such a small statement...

7 billion people with different feelings, experiences and surroundings.

For some it works for others it doesn't...

Becoming lovers is a step beyond 'friendship.' So having taken that step, going back to

friendship is like a demotion...And who likes to take a step down (demotion) in any area

in life?

reply to post by piequal3because14


You are mistaken friend. You can be both. And those dark, secret rooms? In my marriage they don't exist, as they have all been opened and the light shone in. There are no secrets, no dark childhood secrets, no sick secret desires, no lies or omitted truths. With real trust and respect for one another and years to explore each other's psyche ALL of the bones come flying out of the closet.

If a couple cannot be completely honest with each other, opening the doors wide to those "dark rooms" and still love and respect each other then they are probably not meant for each other. There are things my spouse and I confess to each other that we would not want God to see, and we understand one another better for it. We ARE best friends! I wish all couples could have the kind of relationship we have. Getting all of the dark secrets and thoughts out into the open brings true freedom and real love!

reply to post by littled16







What you have explained is what i was trying to say in my post. That you have reached

a level above 'friendship.' Which is what makes the difference between 'lovers' and 'friends'

reply to post by eletheia


And there lies the mistake. Many people become lovers without ever actually becoming true friends. Those types of relationships (for the most part) do not stand the test of time. Many become lovers due to a chemical reaction and hormonal surge and nothing more- no friendship involved.

Originally posted by littled16
reply to post by eletheia

 

And there lies the mistake. Many people become lovers without ever actually becoming true friends. Those types of relationships (for the most part) do not stand the test of time. Many become lovers due to a chemical reaction and hormonal surge and nothing more- no friendship involved.

Well you'll never be able to persuade the 'rash' person to be more cautious...

Or the more 'cautious' person to be more rash...As the saynig goes

"Fools rush in where angels fear to tread"

reply to post by eletheia


Agreed!

reply to post by ancientthunder

.Sometimes a relationship will reveal what we were expecting and that can be a real gift.

Indeed it is so when is confidence..but too much confidence can hurt

reply to post by Em2013

I disagree with the statement entirely, and I've heard of it many times before. Love is a higher level of friendship, and if you can't be friends then how can you love?

I guess true love is a feeling .

Friendship it is another feeling they cannot be mixed just like that.but maybe it's jut me.

reply to post by littled16

There are no secrets, no dark childhood secrets, no sick secret desires, no lies or omitted truths.

It might be true,I don't know many things about dark rooms and...dark sides but sounds perfect and it is surprising in a way.

reply to post by piequal3because14


I used to be the same way Pi. I told myself a long time ago that I wasn't ever going to let anyone all the way inside. It took me a long time, but I finally realized that you don't fully live until you let someone see those dark rooms. Those places inside where you keep your most personal thoughts and feelings. My first marriage was doomed because I still felt that way at the time. After being with someone for a certain amount of time you have to talk about more than just the weather. What's for dinner. The car sounds funny. The grass needs cut. After a few years of that kind of talk and only that kind of talk, the marriage or relationship hits a dead end. There's something about sharing all of yourself with someone that makes you more complete. More whole. Just........more.

If you still feel that you can't let someone in those dark rooms, that's okay. But I have a feeling you're ready now. You put the thought out there for people to talk about and think about. This notion you have that love dares not enter those rooms? Whether you know it or not, you opened the door simply by talking about it. That's the first step. Trusting that people won't betray the honesty about yourself that you just shared. That was the biggest step for me. Trust. But once you let someone in, you're going to realize that all those shadows that made up the darkness of those rooms, were really just bars keeping you locked up inside yourself.

Someone one day is going to run into you and fall in love with you Pi. They're going to show you everything about them because they love you. They WANT you to know them. They're going to love you whether or not you let light into those rooms or not. They'll patiently wait with their hand held out, waiting for you to take it so they can walk you outside. So they can be there for you when you want to open up. They love you. They're not going to judge you or think any less of you when you show what's in the darnkess. What you need is someone who understands these things. Someone who's been where you're at. Someone who knows how lonely it can be. You can be in a crowded room and still feel all alone.

Are you ready for more?