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How do you deal with someone, who won't ever help themselves?

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posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 12:54 AM
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What you and you few people get:
I paid for my house and helped my dad out to help people like my sister.

So, I will end up screwed like my ex-husband.

Eventually.

Obviously blind, because I live it.
edit on 2-12-2012 by Manhater because: (no reason given)




posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 12:58 AM
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Originally posted by yourmaker

Originally posted by metaldemon2000

Originally posted by Manhater

Originally posted by Night Star
Your sister has a tumor in her brain. How do you know that isn't affecting how she acts? My brother-in-law died from a brain tumor. Is it operable? I would think her health is more important right now.


Her health has been fine up to her divorce. Now, all sudden everyone is out to get her. Okay, lets make it about her............


You sound a little uptight, have you ever stopped to consider that maybe you are a difficult person and that this fact is further agitating the situation.

The way you word things, builds a strong case for this.


Have you stopped to consider she has every right in the world to be uptight???

Or difficult?

SHE is agitating the situation?? when it's her helpfulness and concern that placed her in it??

why is manhater responsible for being the perfect nice person in this situation?


Lol, were there? Did you witness this yourself?

Come on, you are hearing one side of the story from a stranger on the internet. However she proudly comes in with the handle "manhater" which doesn't indicate whatsoever that she has any kind of ill nature towards anyone. Lol, second, she's giving people a hard time for suggesting the sister might not be at fault.

This is classic.

You know what? I was in an abuse relationship for ten years, my ex still believes to this day that she never did anything wrong, yet I'm constantly slandered because how dare I end the relationship? Lol

Its all about perspective.

Now take an unbiased look at the conversation and think about it again.



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 01:00 AM
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Originally posted by feelingconnected
I once worked with the most kindhearted and caring women, didn't have a bad word to say about anyone or anything. A freak really lol. Then one day, almost overnight she changes. Turned into the most horrible troll, everyone was shocked at first. Then people started disliking her.

Turns out she had brain tummors, this infact changed her personality, she dies 6 mths after she found out. Left behind young children, very sad. Anyway my point being without making excuses for your problem person. Could it be her problem, could it have been the reason behind he divorce.

Who knows, not really much I suppose you can do to change her. Maybe just look after yourself. Or try and find her somewhere else to live. Or lastly your just after a place to vent your frustrations & don't really expect solutions. Therefore vent away, it sometimes helps


Same with my brother-in-law. His personality changed a lot too which is why I brought it up as a possibility.
Maybe the sister could get on disibilty to have an income. A brain tumor isn't something to be taken lightly.



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 01:08 AM
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How do you deal with someone, who won't ever help themselves?


You don't.



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 01:20 AM
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Originally posted by staple
Sounds like a few people live with "dad".
Has anyone thought about moving out on there own? Most likely you, OP?


You really don't get it. I OWN the house and help my dad out. But because I did, I owe her.

edit on 2-12-2012 by Manhater because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 01:38 AM
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Originally posted by FeelingPure
Maybe you should invite her to the ATS community


Here, I hand picked this song from Youtube specifically for you.




Because you're a shooting star


I liked the beat, that's why I gave it a star. But, I'm obviously, bad for it.
Don't make it about her. Done with the woe is me crap.
edit on 2-12-2012 by Manhater because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 01:53 AM
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Originally posted by metaldemon2000

Originally posted by Manhater

Originally posted by Night Star
Your sister has a tumor in her brain. How do you know that isn't affecting how she acts? My brother-in-law died from a brain tumor. Is it operable? I would think her health is more important right now.


Her health has been fine up to her divorce. Now, all sudden everyone is out to get her. Okay, lets make it about her............


You sound a little uptight, have you ever stopped to consider that maybe you are a difficult person and that this fact is further agitating the situation.

The way you word things, builds a strong case for this.

And your name "manhater", leads me to believe you have a hate on towards a certain gender which would further my point if true because it would only serve to prove that you have irrational thinking patterns. My guess is one or possibly a few men have done you wrong and you would condemn all of us due to the actions off a few idiots


Sure, let's agitate things further.. I'm always going take the woman's side.. Her kid is better off without her and her husband, if both are seen with the two of them together. It it's a no wonder she never listens. She doesn't want to deal with either one of of them. The two, both need help ,and won't accept it. So, let's play Kaittylene.

edit on 2-12-2012 by Manhater because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 02:11 AM
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Originally posted by metaldemon2000

Originally posted by yourmaker

Originally posted by metaldemon2000

Originally posted by Manhater

Originally posted by Night Star
Your sister has a tumor in her brain. How do you know that isn't affecting how she acts? My brother-in-law died from a brain tumor. Is it operable? I would think her health is more important right now.


Her health has been fine up to her divorce. Now, all sudden everyone is out to get her. Okay, lets make it about her............


You sound a little uptight, have you ever stopped to consider that maybe you are a difficult person and that this fact is further agitating the situation.

The way you word things, builds a strong case for this.


Have you stopped to consider she has every right in the world to be uptight???

Or difficult?

SHE is agitating the situation?? when it's her helpfulness and concern that placed her in it??

why is manhater responsible for being the perfect nice person in this situation?


Lol, were there? Did you witness this yourself?

Come on, you are hearing one side of the story from a stranger on the internet. However she proudly comes in with the handle "manhater" which doesn't indicate whatsoever that she has any kind of ill nature towards anyone. Lol, second, she's giving people a hard time for suggesting the sister might not be at fault.

This is classic.

You know what? I was in an abuse relationship for ten years, my ex still believes to this day that she never did anything wrong, yet I'm constantly slandered because how dare I end the relationship? Lol

Its all about perspective.

Now take an unbiased look at the conversation and think about it again.


sorry,but it's nothing I'm going through.
Far from it...

I deal with the cries of everyday"no one loves me", "Or I just lost this", but if I gave this in begin with, I would of gotten it.

I never asked a dime from my ex but to sign the papers.................


Why the hell is that so hard? No excuse because she has a kid. But she's making about her kid. it's ridiculous.

edit on 2-12-2012 by Manhater because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 02:41 AM
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reply to post by Manhater
 


Manhater have you ever read up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder? I was in a relationship for seven years and had no idea just how drained I was until the end.

He had an affair, told the lies all of that and I was a heap on the floor. Counselling started me on the path to learning all about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. These people are everywhere and once you learn to recognise them - life is a whole lot clearer.

Please do your own research but just know that they are pathalogical liars and it is ALWAYS about them. They are the BEST actors and know how to manipulate people and situations - all to get what they want. They are very lazy and a whole lot more. Essentially they come from families - in that - one or both parents may be narcissistic and let's say they have four children - two or even three will be narcissistic while one isn't. The jury is still out on exactly why people become narcissistic.

These people will suck the very life out of you - that is what they do. I was in denial after my ex left - and I totally empathise with you because I to wanted to finish my studies and organise the house - did not ask for anything. Fat chance he kept right on and how it ended is another story.

Please visit any of the many websites on how to survive narcissists - the descriptions are all the same. You may find some answers - I hope you do. Narcissists help them selves to whatever is given to them and whatever they can manipulate out of you - they will never help themselves as a truly independent and empathetic person.

Much Peace...


edit on 2-12-2012 by Amanda5 because: spelling



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 07:18 AM
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I hate to say it but you sound just like your sister in that neither of you will take responsibility for what's happening.
See says she's the victim and you say you can't throw her out.
Misery loves company.
Enjoy it til it destroys you both because it will.
Not sure why you even asked for advice on this.



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 09:17 AM
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reply to post by Manhater
 


Have you considered getting her to sign up for a public housing voucher? If she has a brain tumor and is on assistance she qualifies for it. She could get her own place and get out of yours, a win/win situation.

I don't know where you live, but people on housing assistance here don't live in "the projects". They get a voucher that will pay about 50-99% of the cost for them to rent a private home or apartment. The amount they pay out of pocket depends on their income. I know a lady that pays $25 per month for a brand new 3 bedroom apartment.
She lives next door to my oldest kid who pays $750 per month for a 2 bedroom.

It could be the solution you are looking for.



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 10:20 AM
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reply to post by Manhater
 



You want to help and change someone else... Look at how hard it is to even change yourself and then you will see what you are up against..



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 10:45 AM
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When you become strong enough, leave. There is such a thing as a lose/lose situation and the only solution is to get clear of it. It's not your fault and they will take you down with them, if you let them. If you can't come to grips with it, there is no hope. Try to find a new life. I realize how hard this is to do and you are probably very attached to your family. Try to find a mate and get free, while you still can.



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 10:48 AM
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Originally posted by Asktheanimals
Not sure why you even asked for advice on this.


Hi there ATA, I can actually answer this. For some who have not bothered to check out the OP's posting history, may I suggest you do so. This is not the first thread of this ilk we've seen. Some may think I am being overly rude and non-caring..... nothing could be further from the truth. However, at this point, while I have empathy, it's a bit like the little boy who cried wolf, imo.

Thread Example #1
Thread Example #2
Thread Example #3
Thread Example #4

There are many more, but I think you get the gist. I think that LadySkadi sums it up nicely in this post and speaks for more than just a couple on the boards in reference to this particular issue.

Many many many people in the past have suggested the very same things I see others suggesting here and it's always the same excuse from the OP that we've seen in this thread. "I can't just throw her out".... the simple answer is... yes, yes you can. The OP has become an enabler to her sister's bad behavior and even though the OP claims the sister has a brain tumor, the OP herself claims this is not the cause of the bad behavior. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't because we have not been informed of that end of the medical diagnosis. However, the fact that the OP continuosly allows this behavior means exactly what you, ATA, have said "Misery loves company".

To address the thread title itself "How do you deal with someone, who won't ever help themselves?", it's simple really... stop being an enabler. If there is a real medical problem causing this behavior then strive to help her correct it, if it's simply bad behavior for the sake of bad behavior then lay down the law. It's your house, your rules or it's the highway. Harsh? Not at this point, not if what you've been posting these many months is true. You have options if you choose to explore them. There have been some great suggestions given to you over the months and only excuses on your part as to why they won't work.

Having said that, I do have empathy for your situation. Everyone has the right to live a happy life and clearly you are not. However, is it really your sister's fault or is it really yours at this point? I refuse to be one of your enablers any longer (yes, I've followed your threads from the beginning), I will no longer do so. I wish you the best of luck, Manhater, and hope that one day the solution to your problems presents itself and you have the inner strength to act on it.



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 10:51 AM
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Originally posted by Night Star

Originally posted by feelingconnected
I once worked with the most kindhearted and caring women, didn't have a bad word to say about anyone or anything. A freak really lol. Then one day, almost overnight she changes. Turned into the most horrible troll, everyone was shocked at first. Then people started disliking her.

Turns out she had brain tummors, this infact changed her personality, she dies 6 mths after she found out. Left behind young children, very sad. Anyway my point being without making excuses for your problem person. Could it be her problem, could it have been the reason behind he divorce.

Who knows, not really much I suppose you can do to change her. Maybe just look after yourself. Or try and find her somewhere else to live. Or lastly your just after a place to vent your frustrations & don't really expect solutions. Therefore vent away, it sometimes helps


Same with my brother-in-law. His personality changed a lot too which is why I brought it up as a possibility.
Maybe the sister could get on disibilty to have an income. A brain tumor isn't something to be taken lightly.


she has disability.

She can still work. She doesn't want to.



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 10:55 AM
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Originally posted by Asktheanimals
I hate to say it but you sound just like your sister in that neither of you will take responsibility for what's happening.
See says she's the victim and you say you can't throw her out.
Misery loves company.
Enjoy it til it destroys you both because it will.
Not sure why you even asked for advice on this.


Just wanted to vent. She's giving me a headache.



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 10:56 AM
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Originally posted by littled16
reply to post by Manhater
 


Have you considered getting her to sign up for a public housing voucher? If she has a brain tumor and is on assistance she qualifies for it. She could get her own place and get out of yours, a win/win situation.

I don't know where you live, but people on housing assistance here don't live in "the projects". They get a voucher that will pay about 50-99% of the cost for them to rent a private home or apartment. The amount they pay out of pocket depends on their income. I know a lady that pays $25 per month for a brand new 3 bedroom apartment.
She lives next door to my oldest kid who pays $750 per month for a 2 bedroom.

It could be the solution you are looking for.


We tried. She doesn't want to be on welfare. She wants to live in my nice house.
edit on 2-12-2012 by Manhater because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 11:06 AM
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reply to post by Manhater
 


The housing assistance program was originally set up to help disabled people and senior citizens. Maybe you should point out that the programs were set up to help people like her.

I had to boot out my oldest kid a little over a year ago. I heard every excuse in the book, and she even pulled the "your grandkid will be homeless" card. I explained to her that the kid could stay- but she had to go! She's had her own place for over a year now, and our relationship is totally better for it. We have had to help her out a few times, but that is soooo much better than living with a bunch of drama all the time!



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 11:10 AM
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Sell your house and don't take anyone with you! Live in a one bedroom apartment!

Problem solved, oh, and in an alcohol free zone!



posted on Dec, 2 2012 @ 12:00 PM
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Originally posted by canadiansenior70
Sell your house and don't take anyone with you! Live in a one bedroom apartment!

Problem solved, oh, and in an alcohol free zone!


How'd you know I was drinking?


She said she's going to move...Let's see if she follows through.


I'm not selling my home, It's my retirement home.

edit on 2-12-2012 by Manhater because: (no reason given)







 
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